*NOTE: I have a tendency to REALLY rant on my blogs, but that's because I'm a writer. So, if you're bored, grab a cup of coffee and a pastry and relax.
Because I TECHNICALLY spend my time either in Pittsburgh and London (I have a few friends oversees that I went to visit last year), I've seen to understand some shows from England and shows from the United States, and mostly now more and more people are posting stuff on Youtube from across the pond (I Dreamed A Dream, anyone?), I've seen bits and pieces of the British "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here" hosted by Ant & Dec (who, if you may recall, hosted the bomb known as Wanna Bet?). Simply put, take 10 to 12 B-List Celebrities, stick them in a jungle for two to three, make them compete against the public vote for a trial in the first half and survival the second half. It's entertaining, to say the least, especially when you take these "celebrities" and see how far they'll go.
And it's all for charity, too. So don't feel terrible.
So, America gets the epic series with our "celebrities". From half-decent ones like Lou Diamond Phillips and John Salley to the standard B-Listers like Janice Dickenson and Stephen Baldwin to... them.
Spencer and Heidi Pratt. Numbers 3 and 5 on "BlueBomber's 10 People He Wants To Punch In The Face". Stars of a "reality" show. And THEY think they're better than everyone! (Number 4 right now is occupied by Paris Hilton. Sorry, you cannot have a show about finding a BFF. If she gets a show, I get a show.)
So, let's see, the two kids go into a jungle and immediately revert to the Hills format. Heidi and Spencer do nothing, lie around camp and take up space. Don't fault them... it's all they know how to do. You can't expect your cat to stop chasing mice and start chasing Frisbees?
Oh, and they're hacking people on the show for NOT being famous. (At this point, I immediately fall off of my couch laughing and knocking over the bowl of Nachos and Salsa I was eating from. Still have burn marks.)
(This is a little choppy, mostly because I'm playing .05/.10 online at FTP while watching this. Made $3.50.)
So, Spence, or as I will call him, Senior Tool, and his wife, Senora
Tool, quit the game on Day 1. Then they come back and Spencer does not like the fact that people are making fun of them (argument #1 on why Sr. Tool would not have survived at my Catholic school) and knocks a water bottle out of their hands. They survive until Show 2.
In a fun (and perhaps sickening) twist of fate, they're elected to compete for food. Sr. Tool and his wife then decide after the trial to leave, but before he leaves, Stephen Baldwin baptizes him (which I found hilarious... and I'm a devout Roman Catholic). So they quit again.
Keep in mind that THEY'RE PLAYING FOR CHARITY. Not for themselves, but for charity. So, realizing this (and with a little help from the Jee Man), they want back in.
HOWEVER, they have to last the entire night in the torture room where both of them couldn't last 6 mintues. They "somehow" survive and come back. Born Again Sr. Tool starts ranting about Jesus and how he's changed, and how I'm losing my patience and wondering when the Hills will get canceled and he'll be back to working at Pizza Hut.
So they're back, and Senora Tool (or Toolette!) is sick to her stomach. This means one of two things: 1) Happy Hour in Los Angeles, or 2) She's dehydrated. Winds up she's FASTING in 100 DEGREE HEAT. A
wonderful idea.
Now, I'm not an expert, but I was an Eagle Scout who once slept in the middle of the woods for ten nights from the back of a jeep with nothing but peanut butter and jelly, water, a knife, and a blanket. It's probably not the greatest idea. You need to drink about double in water or Gatorade to replenish the water in your body or else you'll die. I doubt you'll last that long in the middle of the freaking jungle fasting!
So, they get Med-Evaced and well, they're done. A great example of reality stars not being able to last on other shows.
What did we learn?
1) Senior Tool is a tool because he's a douche who doesn't know he's a douche.
2) Senora Tool isn't that great of a role model unless you plan on winding up in the hospital.
3) If a Baldwin brother is allowed to baptize people then I should be allowed to.
4) MTV should check out my pilot for my own show.
5) I really, really hate Spencer "Senor Tool" Pratt. He's moving up to #2. Sorry, old third grade bully.
