welcome back to an edgy episode of absolita's barista contest. it's in lowercase this time! because i needed you all to lift my spirits, and you did. i was very happy with your submissions for the most part, even if i didn't fully connect with them. let's go
safe people/songs/critiques:
TheGoodMan - Azealia Banks - Nude Beach A Go-Go - yeah. yeah. this washes the ariel pink version.
turkeylover - Anna Akana - Pretty Girls Don't Cry - your description gave me the vibe you were going for
MichelleObama - Tata Young - Sexy Naughty Bitchy Me - this is peak trashpop. nothing else to say.
cheritaisdelicious - 1 Trait Danger - D R O V E MY CAR - no idea how you found this furry but i stan
that leaves our top 3 and bottom 3.
AlexaVonTrayne - 한수아 - 162 - I think this submission was like, kind of your worst. I figured you wouldn't know what to do this week so I don't REALLY blame you, but I think you kind of relied a little too much on the video (which i do find pretty funny) instead of the song itself, cuz the song is like, kinda also trash-pop but not in the same way as MichelleObama where I can at least get the vibe? I don't really know what they are saying and I tried to look up the lyrics, but I couldn't find them. :( Either way this was like FUNNY I just didn't love the song really. The autotune/synth-line are just too much.
ItsAustin - Ayesha Erotica - yummy - Heard she got cancelled for being racist cuz she said the n-word. Good for her I guess. Anyways THIS song is a lot more funny than Hoes which is honestly just her trying to be like "funny rapper parody" but it doesn't work. Regardless, I really appreciate the hyperpop angle I think that was gonna be a hit usually them bitches have a good sense of humor because their entire brand is shitposting. I appreciate the hook because... I mean we've ALL been there right? I used to eat edible gummies like fruit snacks. I found the "keeping the porn-stars fed" line really funny, the line about stealing chinchilla coats... there's a lot of stuff I giggled at here. Shout-out to the girls with big-ass dicks, too.
KingGeek - GFOTY - USA - The best GFOTY song, really. GFOTY supremacy. It's biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig. I honestly don't even have anything to say??? She repeats like the same few lines I just really appreciate how stupid this entire song is. I think the breakdown is also really fun and cool. I think musically this was probably one of my fave songs, it's just very on-brand quirky shitposty hyperpop. I honestly don't even like, get the joke, I'm just laughing along because I thought it was funny and weird. It's big.
HowLovely - Jessi - NUNU NANA - I think this song was probably the least funny submission. I guess you could SAY the hook is funny but it just seems like any other k-pop song where the hook is just like, a line that doesn't mean anything but it's still catchy, you know? I thought the instrumental was pretty ok, I like the horn in the chorus that part really stuck for me, but the rest was just like, I don't hate it and I don't love it. Her performance is okay? She isn't really a singer I think her appeal is more her charisma, and I guess her lip fillers, which IMO were kind of the funniest part of the video. Good for her though.
tbrown_47 - A$AP Ferg, A$AP Rocky - Shabba - Oh, I wasn't necessarily expecting someone to take like the rap angle but I should have known you would! :3 I was hoping for more rap songs I think for the most part that's the genre I find has the best sense of humor? I think he kinda came in with my favorite line where he's like "i'm short but my dick tall" that was a good one. The line where he says I don't carry condoms was funny too, and then we get into the hook, which is easily like probably one of the best hooks anyone in A$AP has ever written?? It's just catchy and super classic trap. I should also detour to say I think this trap production was honestly ahead of it's time. Anyways I appreciate the Rocky verse as well, the R. Kelly line makes me laugh every time because I'm fucked up. I also think the last verse is pretty good. The final line about him and Ty Nash trading hoes is also really fucking funny. Overall this was a good week for you.
mathboy9 - no submission - You're as nasty as the day is long. You are not a nice person, and quite honestly you asked me if I hated you? I don't hate you, I pity you for the life that you live. You are quite honestly the most disgusting player to ever PLAY this game. So, no. I told you not to talk to me the first night, I told you not to talk to me the second night, and you still continue to talk to me-I don't get it, you're like a broken record. You're going to be utterly embarrassed of yourself when this comes out. Utterly embarrassed. And if you're thinking that I'm crazy, you have no idea what you've done and how you've acted. You're gonna watch it and youre going to be utterly embarrassed. I told you NOT to talk to me, and you went there anyway-to be CRUEL. No, you don't make the energy better, you suck the energy out of everything! You sucked it out of our tribe, and your sucking it out of it now. YOU DON'T SHUT UP. EVER. EVER. YOU DO NOT STOP TALKING. Everywhere, anywhere we go, its always gotta be about you-so stop it. Stop talking.
So obviously Mathboy9 is going home. AlexaVonTrayne and HowLovely I don't know if K-Pop did you in this week, since it was a shared theme, but you two are safe. Hugs.
Anyways, let's get into our winner! KingGeek, ItsAustin, and tbrown_47, you all did well this week, but our winner is...
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