Team C presents "Re-Enter Me" - A Porn Parody of "Remember Me", a 2010 romance film which jarringly ends in the male lead (played by Robert Pattinson) dying in the September 11th attacks.
ACT 1
The camera fades onto a framed photograph sitting on a dresser picturing Robert Pattinson, and slowly pans across the living room of a New York apartment. Also on the dresser is a calendar marking the date as the 12th September, 2001.
AL sits on the sofa in his apartment, watching the fallout of yesterday's events on the news. He is crying uncontrollably, grabbing tissues from the box beside him and loudly blowing his nose.
There is a loud knock at the door. AL wipes his face, turns off the TV and goes to answer. At the door stands a POLICE OFFICER, with a solemn expression and rippling pecs bursting out of his shirt.
PO: Is this the address for Al Craig-Slist?
AL: Yes, that's me.
PO removes his sunglasses and gives an empathetic smoulder.
PO: My name is Officer Spreadums. May I come in? I'm afraid I have some bad news.
The two men enter the living room. AL clearly expects the worst.
PO: I understand that you were "seeing each other and going on dates and stuff but not really putting a label on it" with Mr Tyler Hottiekins?
AL: Yes that's right, although recently I did ask him if he wanted to leave a toothbrush in my apartment so it was pretty serious.
PO takes a deep breath.
PO: I'm sorry to have to tell you that Mr Hottiekins was in the North Tower of the World Trade Center yesterday morning. While we have yet to uncover any of his remains, we have reason to believe he was killed in the attack. I'm sorry for your loss.
AL cries out and runs to sit on his sofa, burying his face in his hands.
AL: Oh, Tyler! But how can you be sure if you still haven't found him?
PO: We found what we believe to be his diary in the rubble.
PO pulls out an evidence bag containing a bright pink Girl Tech Password Journal.
PO: Our forensics team haven't been able to open it up, due to the state of the art voice recognition authentication.
PO takes the journal out of the bag and hands it to AL.
AL: If it really is Tyler's then the password is "suck this bussy just like you should".
At this, the journal plays a soft jingle and pops open. AL begins crying again. PO sits on the sofa beside him, offering him a supportive embrace.
AL: I just can't believe he's gone! I feel so lonely and empty without him!
PO: My *deepest* sympathies. Is there anything I can do to help you fill that emptiness?
AL sniffles and dries his eyes.
AL: Well, there is something you could do. God knows I miss his touch so much right now, and I could really use some help. I know I'll never get over him, but maybe I could ease the pain a little by getting under you?
PO: Nothing would give me greater pleasure than to service and protect a fine citizen such as youself.
AL: Oh, that's great! I know this is what Tyler would want - he was always saying "Fuck the Police", and now I think I know exactly what he meant.
AL and PO start making out on the couch....
ACT 2
CARL knocks on AL's apartment door, finding it open. He walks in to see AL in handcuffs, lying on his front over the top of his couch, receiving POLICE OFFICER SPREADUMS from behind.
CARL: Al! What the hell is going on here?!
AL: Carl! What are you doing here?
CARL: I came to see if you had heard from my brother Tyler, and I find you cheating on him!
AL: It's not what it looks like! This is Officer Spreadums.
OFFICER SPREADUMS tips his hat to CARL, continuing to pound AL as he does so.
AL: He came by to tell me the news. I'm so sorry Carl, but Tyler was killed in the attack yesterday. They found his diary in the rubble.
CARL: Oh no, this can't be happening!
CARL turns to run away.
AL: Carl, wait! You shouldn't be alone at a time like this. We need to be there for each other. We're like family now, except not so much like family that you can't come in and have a threesome with me and this Police Officer.
OFFICER SPREADUMS flips AL onto his back, holding up his legs and begins pounding once more.
CARL: I suppose Tyler would want us to be happy. Now he's with our sister who killed herself to give our family an emotional backstory.
AL: You mean they're together in heaven?
CARL: Unlikely - suicides and homos don't get in there.
AL: Good point. Speaking of heaven, how about you come and take me from the mouth and we can have ourselves a spit-roast?
OFFICER SPREADUMS: As long as we won't be eating pork!
The three men laugh. AL continues to laugh until CARL forces his penis into his mouth, and the grief-stricken threesome commences...
