Aphrodite Starchild walks into a cheering crowd!
Aphrodite Starchild:Hello Everyone! How is everyone? Good? Yeah I would be great and a Hundred thousand dollars richer had I not worn the same gown 17 times and let my self esteem make me lipsync 4 times but here we are! Speaking of which! That’s what this panel is about! Lipsyncing!
Aphrodite Starchild:Yeah! I’m pretty much a professional at this because....um... you know I’ve only lipsynced..4...5...6..7...hell maybe 8 times! So here’s my tips on how to be a lipsync Assassin if you get on Omen’s Drag race and bomb the challenges!
Aphrodite Starchild:so the first step to a good lipsync is *holds up a card that says* CHANNELING THE SONG
In a lipsync you have to think of a song like it’s your friend or someone you’re trying to get to know better. If there’s no bond or link between you and said person you’re trying to get to know then there’s no chemistry and with no chemistry... there’s no energy... just like dancing/Lipsyncing to a song... it doesn’t matter if you know every single word or beat to the song. If you don’t bond with the song and try to channel what the song’s message is trying to convey then the performance is just some average Joe lipsyncing to a song.
Step 2:Never too much or too little energy
When you’re lipsyncing to a song you have to make sure you have JUST the right balance of energy when lipsyncing to a song. Because if you are doing too much you are gonna look like a human personification of ADHD and the performance is gonna register as desperate to Omen. And if do what some queens in the past have done(Not naming names) and just stand there and lipsync (unless the song is a ballad and it calls for it) then you are gonna sashay away!
Step 3:Don’t Do Acrobatics unless you absolutely have to.
Now everyone loves a good death drop and split right? *Audience cheers* well yeah me too . I think everyone does. However....And consider this an unpopular opinion but to be honest you don’t need to do all the splits and flips and all that unless you really have to and the bitch your up against is strong as hell. I mean let’s look at Jujubee for example. She is statistically the best lipsyncer in the shows history and in every single lipsync there was not one acrobatic move. Not one. If you are a good lipsyncer you don’t need to do the extra stuff that comes with it. Consider splits and death drops to be brownie points.
Step 4:If you cannot dance. Camp it up!
Now It’s a fact that not everyone is blessed with being a good dancer. Hell I won 3/4 lipsyncs on my season and I’m an average dancer at best. So if you know you can’t dance.then CAMP IT UP. Nothing will get the judges more invested in a performance than a performance that is entertaining and funny. So if all else fails. Be funny! Especially if the song is campy and fun then you really got the upper hand!
And the last and final step..... KNOW THE FUCKING WORDS.
There’s nothing more annoying than someone not knowing the words to a song. It’s a golden rule drag kings and drag queens. LEARN YOUR WORDS AND LEARN THEM WELL.
This is Aphrodite Starchild...The lipsync Assassin and I approve this message!
*Vogue music starts up and Aphrodite Starchild dances through the cheering crowd out the door*
Hello everyone and welcome to the first drag panel at OmenCon!! It’s Zsa Zsa Tea and today I will be presenting and showing all of you how to do a death drop! The first step to being able to do a death drop is to be a skinny legend so if there are any fat bitches in the building then please be prepared to snap your non existent neck or remove yourself from my panel, thank you! Are you all ready to start? Ok let’s go! Let’s me show you it all together first so you can get a feel for it and then I’ll slow it down for you!
3,2,1 *tongue pop*
Got it? GREAT! Give it a try ya’ll!
Audience member: I- I- Can you go through the process for us please?!
*rolls eyes* UGH! Fine. You put one leg out straight, lean back, bend your back lick and drop falling away from your front leg like this
Audience member: O-ok. Here goes!
NO NO NO NO NO!!! THAT WAS SHIT! Like what the hell were you thinking? You literally just slid down it’s not even close! I-
Audience member: *cries and runs off*
Now, anybody else want to try?!
Ok.... YOU AT THE BACK! COME HITHER!
I hope you’ve noted my useful tips. Now, death drop my child!
OH MY GOODNESS! I really am amazing! I’m so happy I’ve taught you how to death drop well, but still not as good as me! *smiles*
Ok we have time for 1 more bitch to death drop in my presence today!
*fat girl is seen jumping up and down like crazy*
Ok, ok. I did say to leave but sure I guess you can give it a try *cackles*
a queen always need to look good and some queens thing that costs coins henny but you can do it on a budget too that is right you to can look sicking just for things found at the pound shop so here are the six step for the basic hoe
1) Set your budget. It is completely up to you how much you think it is reasonable to spend on clothing, cosmetics, hair cuts etc. Look at your income and what you need to spend live and allocate an amount to looking good. Consider your lifestyle and what you really need. When you’re sticking to a budget, the crucial element in making the most of your appearance is to take a look at your real life and what types of clothing and beauty treatments your real life requires. Just because those red leather, £175 sling-back high heels look amazing doesn’t mean you buy them, especially if you work are a broke bitch
2) Know that building a wardrobe takes time. Unless you have a pile of cash hidden or a nice tax return has just been deposited into your bank account, remember that building a wardrobe won’t happen overnight. You want to slowly acquire basic and versatile pieces at the cheapest price possible, while looking ahead and asking yourself: “Will this still be wearable in a couple of years?”
3) Don’t go crazy in stores. Instead, choose selectively, going for quality over quantity. Just like shopping at outlet and discount stores, rein yourself in at all other stores, too. Just because something is on sale for £19.99 doesn’t mean you need it, or that you should buy it. That $19.99 might as well be $100 if you’re living on a basic hoe budget. If it doesn’t play a versatile role in your overall wardrobe, if you can’t see yourself wearing it in a couple of years and if you’re iffy about it, put it back
4) Start building your basics. When we hear, “You simply must start with the basics,” we often think, “Okay, here comes the boring shopping.” Basics don’t have to be boring. Instead, they have to be versatile, solid-colored pieces that form the foundation of your wardrobe. The more versatile they are, the further you can stretch your wardrobe. Many such items are far from boring, being made in a variety of cuts, materials and textures that can be mixed and matched.
5) Stick to simple color palette. After you have the basic basics, you will need to gradually add more. Stick to one or two color families for your basics and build from there. For example, neutrals – black, brown, grey, tan, navy and some would say white – are the colors for basics for a reason. They go with just about everything, including each other. Sticking to one or two will allow you to not only mix them with each other but also to only buy pieces that color-coordinate with your base palettes.
6) and the last step is who I am kidding if your a basic hoe you don't need any clothes
Now, who doesn't love a good drink when they're out on the town? Exactly! We all do! As it turns out, many drag queens love a good drink when they're out and some even drink while performing! Me personally, I've never drunk while performing, but considering my fashion sense you think I have a 6 pack of cider every time I walk the runway.
Anyways, heres a few tips if you really fancy a drink either before or during your preforming on stage.
1: Its called Liquid Courage for a reason! Don't be afraid to have a drink or two before you begin performing if it helps boost your performance!
2: Only drink cocktails before performing. The juices and fizzy drinks dilute the alcohol so you don't get 'fall over drunk' on your first set. I'd personally really recommend cherry vodka mixed with lemonade. Simple yet classic!
3: Make sure you're not slurring (no, not that one) before going on stage. No one likes a drag queen that no one understands.
4: If you slip on stage, pretend you're drunk, even if you're not! It at least gives you an excuse for the slip!
And finally DO NOT MIX RUM AND GINGER BEER! I had it at a party one night and nearly threw up! DON'T DO IT!!
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