Snatch Game Look: https://imgur.com/a/BGgcYaL
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Talian: Please welcome American model and Entrepreneur...it’s Blac Chyna everyone!

Hey hey bitches!

Talian: How are you Chyna?

Let me make this VERY clear! I did not cheat on Rob Kardashian, I did not sleep with no other mans and I sure as hell regret giving birth to his mother fucking baby! But other than that I’ve been amazing!

*producers bring Dream, her daughter, out onto the set*

Mommy loves you!

*they give Dream to Talian*

Talian: Aww she’s so cute!

*Zsa Zsa jumps out from her seat and snatches Dream from Talian*

Don’t you DARE touch my baby girl ever again you bitch!

*Zsa Zsa pulls out a pink baby car stroller and threatens to hit Talian with it before being dragged back to her seat*

Talian: Umm...I’m slightly scared and worried for my life at the same time. Anyways... first question, Not So Sainta Klaus!

Not So Sainta Klaus: What about me and my card turns you on and makes you want to date me?

*Zsa Zsa looks him up and down. You know what Not So Sainta Klaus I’ve dated A LOT of bad boys in my time and hmm I don’t know something about yo name is just giving off bad boy vibes to me.

*Not So Sainta Klaus looks sad*

Talian: Aww Chyna you’ve upset him now.

I don’t feel bad. BUT at least you ain’t black like Tyga or overwei- *Zsa Zsa looks at him again* or obese like Rob Kardashian!

Talian: oop. Moving on!

Not So Sainta Klaus: How would you organize a romantic date together in prison?

Imagine this I’ve done it before, we chilling in our cell while yo slave elves and reindeer begin cooking us up a nice meal. Mrs Klaus ain’t gotta be there or nothing. I’ll be like your side chick, Rob Kardashian And Mrs Klaus never got to know about it period!

*Not So Sainta Klaus licks his lips at Zsa Zsa thinking about it*

Talian: Wait so you did cheat on Rob Kardashian then?

I-
No bitch those were lies!

Talian: But you just said you’d done it before?

I-
CUT THE CAMERAS DEADASS!

*cameras cut back in after a short misshap*

*Zsa Zsa has her legs up, vaping*



Talian: And we’re back! And on to the final question to see who Not So Sainta Klaus will choose to date here on The Snatch Game Of Love!

Not So Sainta Klaus: If we were to escape the prison together. How would it go?

Oh chile if we were to escape prison I’d embezzle mone-

I MEAN I’d use the money from my VERY own successful lashed cosmetics which yes I earn more money than the bitch Kylie and her cosmetics.

Talian: Kylie is a billionaire I don’t think that’s possible.

Shut up Talian I started my company first! She stole MY idea and she also stole MY man Tyga! Anyways, if you wanna escape the hard way...
I would message my bitch of a mom, Tokyo Toni, I mean Shalana Hunter and tell her I’m buying her a new car and then she’d pull up outside and distract the guards with her loud ass mouth



and then we escape as we snatch the car I bought off her and drive off leaving her to rot in prison like she deserves to!

Not So Sainta Klaus: Ooo I like the idea of that, you are definitely on my naughty list. I’m gonna rock your world!

*Blac Chyna has flash backs to Tokyo Toni saying she’d rock her world*



Talian: Oh shucks! I’m afraid we have run out of time for The Snatch Game Of Love! Not So Sainta Klaus it’s time to pick your love!

Not So Sainta Klaus: Well I appreciate all your efforts but there is a clear winner here for me and that is.... Shea Couleé!

*Zsa Zsa punches the table, stands up and takes off her wig to reveal...Nina Bo’Nina Brown*

How in the fuck did Shea still win even when I’m dressed as Blac Chyna this is fucking Rigga Morris and I’m over of it!

*leaves set*

https://thumbs.gfycat.com/DiscreteDesertedBison-size_restricted.gif

Zsa Zsa Tea: Bride on the Runway

https://imgur.com/a/JN9IhoG

For this look I decided to go for very elegant bride, she’s getting married mid spring with all these butterflies flying around and she’s got her big ass wedding ring on and she just wants to look the best and most glamorous!

Talian: Next up, we have royalty on set today! Welcome to the Snatch Game of Love, the Egyptian queen, Cleopatra, who's back from the grave to find a new lover-

Natalia Kills: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN?! I'm just gonna state the obvious here.. I believe we have a doppelgänger in our midst.. and it's me. I am her. She is me.



Talian: *talking to production in hushed voice* Are you meaning to tell me Cleopatra didn't really rise from her tomb to find a new lover? Ridiculous...

Talian: Anyway, in that case, let's welcome a woman who.. somehow got on set- Wait, what's your name again?

Natalia: I am Natalia Kills A.K.A. Cruel Youth A.K.A. Teddy Natalia Noemi Keery-Fisher Sinclair Cappuccini!

Talian: And who.. or what, exactly, did you kill?

Natalia: My career, amongst other things!

Talian: ...On that note, Natalia, you will be getting the chance to steal the heart of Snatchelor #2, Easter "Bad" Bunny!

Bunny: Hey Talian! I'm looking for a hairy lady who I can hop around naked with without having to worry about being arrested for indecent exposure!

Talian: Well, not to worry, we have a very.. hairy (and kinda scary) Snatchelorette ready to steal your heart!

Bunny: Great! So... Snatchelorette, what about me and my card turns you on and makes you want to date me?

Natalia: WELL, FOR ONE, as an artist who respects creative integrity and originality, I am DISGUSTED at how physically attracted I am to this absolute stud! I love a man who's broken the law, and considering I'm a woman who committed multiple murders on television, I'd love a man who can relate to me and show me that I'm not just some crazy, psychotic doppelgänger! Plus, my ex-husband kicked me out of his mansion so I could use some unregulated housing, and being with you would make it that much more amazing! I'd love to carry your eggs in my basket!

Bunny: Well, I'd like for my eggs to be carried! But can you handle it?

Natalia: If I could handle being unemployed for 5 years of my life, I can definitely handle a sexy, big, brown stud, who's soft and cuddly in all the right places!

Talian: Well you two are clearly kicking it off already. The Easter "Bad" Bunny may have a very difficult decision to make! But anyway, onto the next question, Bunny!

Bunny: So, now that I know more about you Ms Kills, tell me, how would you organize a romantic date together in prison?

Natalia: Well firstly, during my work hours in the morning outside, I'd pick out all the grass and flowers that I could and stick them in my titties to bring it back inside. Then, during lunch hours, I would set up our own special table, with the grass and flowers sprinkled around our table everywhere! My artistic intelligence... it's just out of this world. Anyway, I'd also sneak my contraband lighter into the cafeteria and light a piece of grass on fire, to act as our candle! I know that as a bunny, it's hard to get a girl who truly respects your upbringing, but I want to make you feel truly at home on our date!

Bunny: *sheds a tear*... how considerate. That truly sounds like a phenomenal date.

Talian: Are you blushing, Bunny?

Bunny: NO! I might have accidentally smudged the blood coming out from my nose, that's all it is!

Talian: Our snatchelorette may have killed many things, but she is making Bunny feel truly alive. Now, onto our final question for our snatchelorette, it's over to you Bunny!

Bunny: I have my eggs but I can only put em in one basket... so my final question to you, Snatchelorette, is, if we were to escape the prison together, how would it go?

Natalia: As someone who respects intellectual property, I have a GREAT idea for how we'd escape! Firstly, when we're working outside, I would distract all of the guards on watch by throwing a fit about how they're all copying my ex-husband since he was an ex-police officer! While I was doing that, you'd be burrowing a hole under the fences out to a clear area when we can escape! Once you were ready, I'd get my dear friend Abby Lee to get Maddie to perform her rendition of Chandelier by Sia, as a distraction to the guards as I run into your arms, and we follow the path out to the free world! Then, we can return to our unregulated housing and hop around naked all we'd like! It's perfect! I can change my name too, I've done it multiple times before!

Bunny: Wow.. I'm truly astounded. TALIAN, I've made my choice. I want her! Let me see my love! I have all my eggs and I'm ready to put them in her basket!

Talian: We haven't gotten to the last Snatcheloret-

Bunny: LET ME SEE HER! SHE'S PERFECT!

Natalia: *is ecstatic* FINALLY, SOMEONE WHO RESPECTS ARTISTIC EXPRESSION AND CREATIVITY! LET ME SEE MY LOVER!

Talian: ...Oooookay then. Bunny, here is... Natalia Kills!

v

Bunny: Fucking hell, Natalia you are extremely hot. We may have no career but we can make our OWN career, TOGETHER. We can be prostitutes who hop around the city. serenading our customers or some shit. Come to me!

*the two run together and start making out aggressively*

Bunny: Let's get out of here! *they run off stage*

Talian: .. well, there you go! I'm sure letting them leave the studio together was a huge mistake but that's show business! That's it for today, I hope you all enjoyed the show!

*echoing screams are heard from backstage* Natalia: LET ME SHOW YOU MY RABBIT HOLE! THAT WAS MY FAVOURITE ALBUM!

Natalia look: https://imgur.com/a/1ZCnDme

PARAH DICE: WEEK 2 RUNWAY

https://imgur.com/a/XKb4rO9

For this look I wanted to add more flavour as my looks have been lacking recently, so I chose the best and most beautiful gown out there and I'm serving on the runway, on my way to my wedding in paradise!

~*Lucinda Rear*~
MAIN CHALLENGE:

Talian: Alright, for our Snatchelorette Number Three, please welcome actress, singer, entrepeneur Lindsay Lohan!

*Lindsay graciously waves to the audience, holding the stash of molly she brought to set. She smiles and starts speaking in an OBVIOUSLY fake Euro-Atlanctic accent, and in a husky, bronchitis voice.*

Lindsay: Thenk yew. It is your pleasure to have me here.

Talian: Now, Lindsay, what exactly is a woman like yourself doing in an environment like this?

Lindsay: Oh! You mean prison? Let me see...
*Lindsay pulls out a comically oversized sheet of all her criminal offenses before Talian stops her*
Talian: I... think we got the gist! So... Lindsay, are you ready to find... love?

Lindsay: ...Love? I thought this was an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. I swear I saw Paris Hilton backstage.

*Lindsay waves at Paris and mouths to the audience that "Paris is a cunt"*

Sainta: So, Lindsay, what about me and my card turns you on and makes you want to date me?
Lindsay: Well, Sainta, I love to find a partner I can relate to.
*Lindsay faces the camera*
Lindsay: Aaron Carter... call me back. I love you, Hilary Duff!
*She winks and turns back to Sainta*
Lindsay: So I was specially attracted to the amount of D.U.Is you have claimed over the years.
Talian: Now Lindsay, you've had your share of D.U.Is along the way, haven't you?
Lindsay: That was a long time ago, Talian. I'm coming back to me. Mic please.

*A Twink Crew member rushes in and gives Lindsay a microphone, as she stands up and starts very... obviously lip syncing to a backing track, and dancing her ass off*

"They used to blame me, when shit got crazy
But it was Samantha Ronson's stash of cocaine
Arrested on Sunday, got released on Monday
Paris Hilton's a cunt but that's okay (she's my friend!)
My life's full of criminal offenses
But I haven't faced the consequences
So I'm coming back, I'm coming back to ecstasy
(Ecstasy~ Yeah, Ecstasy~ Yeah, Ecstasy~ Yeah)"

*Lindsay sits back down*
Lindsay: That was my new single "Back to Ecstasy". You can find more information about my upcoming album at visituganda.com. That's visituganda.com. I sucked off Charlie Sheen before I got here.

Sainta: Question number two. How would you organize a romantic date together in prison?

Lindsay: Well Sainta, you're in luck. With the help of my overwhelmingly gay assistant and right hand man Panos Spentzos, he'd get us some good, organic edibles along with some spices while we read the Quran.

Talian: And what kind of spices are you talking about?

Lindsay: Cocaine. I'm too white for chilli.
*She nods*
Lindsay: And after our delicious dinner, we would watch my award-winning movie "I Know Who Killed Me". Somehow making this movie was also listed under my criminal offenses!
Talian: Award-winning?
Lindsay: Clearly you didn't tune into the 2007 Razzie Awards.
*She raises a DVD copy of the said movie*
Lindsay: I found it in the one dollar movie bin at Walmart... Anyways, after that, if Sainta's lucky... We could get a little Freaky Friday, if you know what I mean. Let him into MY Parent Trap. The limit does not exist... The limit does not exist!

*Suddenly Lindsay starts bleeding from her nose*
Talian: Um, can we get her a napkin?
Lindsay: Oh, no, it's fine. This happens like... all the time. I only did cocaine 10 to 15 times.

Sainta: Can I have some?
Lindsay: I tell you what, I'll hand you my stash before my parole officer finds out. I don't wanna go to rehab again!
*Everyone cheers as Lindsay steps up*
Lindsay: You get cocaine, you get cocaine and *YOU* get cocaine! Just kidding. I'm not Oprah.


Talian: Alright then, moving on, last question from our Bachelor...
Sainta: If we were to escape the prison together. How would it go?

Lindsay: First, I would replace the security guards' diets with Kalteen bars, that makes them so fat they couldn't chase after us. Then, I would emotionally manipulate the other security guards into leaving their jobs, and cut out the uniforms where the security guards' nipples are supposed to be. After we would make our escape, we would get secretly married in Greece and have our honeymoon in Mykonos, we'd go back to your hometown in the North Pole and I would rent a white van and recruit some homeless elves to be our children. I'm such a philantropist sometimes. Don't mess with Pakistan.

*Lindsay nods in Arabic as Sainta sheds a tear*

Sainta: That's so grool-
*Lindsay suddenly gets a text*
Lindsay: I just got a text from my manager... "Xanax" leaked? Oh my God! They found my stash of xanax!

*Lindsay immediately flees the Snatch Game set in a frenzy*

RUNWAY LOOK: https://imgur.com/a/2QyyxTw
I'm going for some Bride of Frankenstein vibes!