;)

*Is interrupted on my ear piece*

No? No? Really. We'll have to drag this on since we'll be ahead of scheduling. Alright. Alright.

Ladies. It is has come to my attention that one of our pageant girls is not competing tonight. And has to decided to drop out from the competition.

Ca$hmere. Sashay away.

But the show must go on. So let us move forward and kick off the beauty round.

Our first queen. Sporting what seems to be a retainer? Is she bringing those back. I sure hope she had the nerve and confidence to really wear that.

Miss Anxiety (Fern): http://i.imgur.com/FNeUETs.png

The second queen of the night. Is all things poked, prodded, nipped, and tucked. Just before she went to the main stage she got more collagen in her lips! It's Miss Botched!

Miss Botched (Heather Lockwood): http://i.imgur.com/J50kpbT.png

Our third queen had to man up to compete against some glamour girls. Does she have what it takes to show them up? It's Miss Butch!

Miss Butch (Jessieca): http://i.gyazo.com/6d053f128731e82518a20ca01cbce7d1.png

Queen #4 has her legs wide open...to stretch only of course. She needs to take a long walk down our stage. It's Miss Meat Wagon!

Miss Meat Wagon (Alma Mater): http://i.imgur.com/sHIOU3H.png

The next queen we have is flawless, or so she thinks.... It's Miss Perfect!

Miss Perfect (Peach Fuzz): http://i.imgur.com/XIlCaUq.png

Our last queen we are expecting to have is competing for two...but she's also expecting!
It's Miss Pregnant!

Miss Pregnant (Joan of Sharc): http://i.imgur.com/7XfDIZL.png

That concludes our beauty portion. Onto the talent competition!

We will start with Miss Anxiety!
*Camera shifts to her*

Miss Anxiety (Fern): Um. Oh. Well. I mean besides jumping to the worst conclusions I'm  not sure I have much talent... Wait, is that bad? Or...? OH! My uncle Joe once said looking the way I do should be a talent... But he also said he'd have sued his parents if he had a face like mine.

Alright next we have Miss Botched.

*A man in a suit walks down the stage arm in arm with Miss Botched*

Man:I will be a translator and help you further understand her tonight as her most recent neck surgery has left some of her speech a little shotty and incoherent.

Alright! Miss Botched the floor is yours'!

Miss Botched (Heather Lockwood): Talent: I have a marvelouth talent that ith truly unmatched by the other thmaller tiddieth contestantth. Hold on while I apply my lipthtick. I need my little puckerth moitht for thith one. http://data1.whicdn.com/images/30719792/original.gif
http://www.tubechop.com/watch/6149960

Oh Man! Well next we have Miss Butch.

Miss Butch (Jessieca): My talent is the ultimate party trick. Crushing a beer can on your forehead! It separates her from the other queens because it shows she can still be beautiful and still roll with the boys!  Miss butch plans to crush 35 beer cans on her head in one minute for the talent portion to show the judges how determined she is to be Miss Tengaged Drag Race 2015 and to show how thick her skull is! (well compared to Miss Perfect)

Alright onward we have Miss Meat Wagon.

Miss Meat Wagon (Alma Mater): My special talent is being able to perfectly recite Bible scripture as I make you climax. First you see God, then you hear God, then you say God because you just came inside me. My personal favorite verse is https://kpkellyohio.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/jesus-wept.jpg

(hops onto the stage with a MEAT IS MURDER sign)