"I have a dilemma. I promised Dumbledore that I would protect the school, but the thing is, Potter... I hate you. I hate you so much. You know what I mean? But, it’s not fair, really, ‘cause it’s your dad is who I hated. And I was in love with your mum, but I had a butt-trumpet. My butt went, POOT POOT, POOT POOT, POOT POOT. And she chose him over me! You know how that is? It pisses me off; I mean, really. It fuckin' pisses me off. I was there for her, y’know? And when she needed someone, I was there, waiting, like a tool! 'Oh, we’re gonna snog now? OK. What about now? Well, I’ll wait. I’ll wait forever, like a tool!' And, just one time... just one time, I wanted to take your mum's... boobies... and put them on my face... and go BRRRBRBRBRBBRBRRR. Waaait, Potter -- what I’m trying to say is that I’m torn up and if you go in there, you’re gonna be in big trouble... oh, screw you."
