Q. How can you tell if Michael Jackson has company?
A. There's a big wheel parked outside his house.
Q. What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
A. One was the first to walk on the moon and the other fucks little boys up the ass.
Q. How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
A. From a catalogue.
Q. Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men?
A. He thought it was a delivery service.
Q. What has 18 balls and 3 pubic hairs?
A. A Michael Jackson slumber party.
Q. Why does Hillary want to have sex with Bill Clinton first thing in the morning?
A. She wants to be the first lady.
Q. What's Bill Clinton's idea of safe sex?
A. When Hillary is out of town.
Q. Did you hear that Monica Lewinsky turned Republican?
A. The democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.
Q. How come Mike Tyson�s eye's water during sex?
A. Mace
Q. What does Ellen DeGeneris cook for dinner every night?
A. She doesn't, she eats out!
Q. Why can't the government put Magic Johnson on a stamp?
A. Everyone would be afraid to lick it.
Q. What's the difference between Christopher Reeves and OJ Simpson?
A. Christopher Reeves got the electric chair....and O.J walked!
Q. What's white and sticky and found on the bathroom wall?
A. George Michael's latest release.
Q. What do you call a man with a blackhead on his dick?
A. Hugh Grant.
Q. What's the difference between George Michael and a microwave oven?
A. A microwave stops when you open the door.
Q. How does Michael Jackson know its time for bed?
A. When the big hand is on the little hand.
Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag?
A. One is white, plastic and dangerous to young children, the other is a plastic bag.
Q. How did Helen Keller's mother punish her?
A. By rearranging the living-room furniture.
Q. What did Helen Keller do when she fell down the well?
A. She screamed her hands off.
Q. Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
A. So she can moan with the other.
Q. Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow?
A. Her dog was blind too.
Q. What did Helen Keller's parents do to punish her for swearing?
A. Washed her hands with soap.
Q. Why did Bill Clinton stop playing the saxophone?
A. He was too busy playing the hormonica.
Q. Do you know why Monica got a stain on her dress?
A. She didn't keep her mouth shut!
Q. What does Wal-Mart, Zellers and Michael Jackson have in common?
A. Boy's underwear half off.
Q. 100 Women Surveyed, "Would you have sex with Bill Clinton?"
A. 80% said not again.
Q. What's green and smells like Monica Lewinsky?
A. The pool table in the oval office.
Q. What does McDonald's and Michael Jackson have in common?
A. They both stick their meat in 13 year old buns.
Q. What does Bill Clinton and a country folk dancer have in common?
A. They both throw a ho down.
Q. Why did Bill Clinton name his new dog Buddy?
A. He couldn't bear to say "Come Spot... Come Spot!"
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
Joke 2!
One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.
"You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?". The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in.", goblins replies "OK, you've got it.". Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me." "OK then, if that's what it takes..."
Next morning the little man wakes the woman up.
"Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies
"Fuck me", says the man, "27 and you still believe in goblins"
heres a couple more!
On Thanksgiving day a boy and his family were getting ready for there guest to come over. The boy went outside to take the trash out and heard bitches and basterds, so he went in side and asked his mom what it ment and she said ladys and gentlemen. So he went back outside and heard harry pussys and big dicks, so he went inside to ask his dad what it ment and he said hats and coats. So he was upstairs with his dad and his dad said shit, so he asked his dad what it ment and his dad said its his new shaving cream. So the boy went down stairs with his mom and she said fuck so the boy asked and his mom said it meant she was stuffing the turkey. So when the guest arrive he said welcome bitches and bastards, put ur harry pussies and big dicks on the wall, my dad is upstairs shaving the shit out of his self, and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey!!
Joke 2!
One day Lil' Johnny was sitting at home waiting for his relatives to come over. He overheard his parents fighting with each other yelling, "YOU BITCH," "YOU BASTARD." Being so young, Johnny had never heard those words before and asked his parents what they meant. They replied, "Bitch means lady and bastard means gentlemen".
Satisfied with this answer the boy went to his room. He heard the neighbors having sex. They were repeating the words "DICK and "CUNT" over and over and over. Again, Lil' Johnny was curious and asked his parents what those words meant. Thinking fast, his mother said, "Dick means coat and cunt means jackets."
Once again Lil' Johnny was satisfied with the answer and headed to the bathroom, but his father was shaving and he had to wait. Fearing that the boy might wet himself, the father shaved faster. He went a little to quick and ended up cutting himself, "SHIT!!!!!" he yelled. "What's shit mean daddy?" Johnny asked. His father, stuck for an answer said, "it means shaving cream." Lil' Johnny did his "business" and his dad went back to shaving. His next stop was the kitchen, there he saw his mother preparing the turkey. As she reached for a knife she ended up cutting herself. "AW FUCK!!" she yelled. "What's fuck mean mommy", the boy asked. "It means stuffing the turkey."
Finally, the guest arrived, Lil' Johnny went to the door and said, "Hello bitchs and bastards, may I take your dicks and cunts? Dad's in the bathroom putting shit on his face and mom's in the kitchen fucking the turkey!"
Joke 3!
a boy is watchin his dad shave and the dad cuts his chin."bollocks"
"whats bollocks dad"
"shaving"
boy goes downstairs and his mum cuts her finger while cutting the turkey!"fuck!"
"whats that?"
"cutting the turkey!"
dad comes down and trips over some toys."shit!"
"wha-" "toys,son"
they go out and get caught for speeding.
"wankas"dad retorts."and thats the police son!
later at home.
there is a knock on the door.boy opens to find the police.
"oh hello wankas, mind the shit on the floor,dads up stairs shaving his bollocks,mums in the kitchen fucking up the turkey!"
