unlike kyoot along other ppl is because I don't keep up the daily act of being racist. I'm about to go onto my 10th year on this site and I think everyone knows I didn't wake up daily and say the N word through those 10x365 days that I've been here on this site.
One bad day shouldn't discount the many great things I've done for ppl for over the years but YES many bad things on any given day should be addressed and I am sorry for anything those things but I'm not sorry for defending myself against those who just hate me for personal gain because those ppl are the ones seeking my dismissal not for the benefit of the site but for themselves, which is selfish and shouldn't be encouraged, stop them.
I stayed away irl for the past 6 days from ppl irl because they feel the same way you do, the way I act here isn't so much different than how I act irl. Its not an act, I wouldn't lie about the things I do to you guys, I never did. I also gave you guys a few months break from my nonsense over the 9 years I've been here and have never given a problem until lately.
The world is stressful rn and I'm sorry the last thing you need to deal with is racism from me months ago when there was no babysitter. I may be a bad person yes, but I'm not a person who doesn't listen, so when there is authority ofc I'm gonna listen.
Hate me for saying it when the sitter wasn't here yes, but don't hate me for being there for everyone who I have ever been there for over the course of my TG years.
I have friends who like me on this site regardless and it would be nice if they'd defend me but they know I don't really need the help. I've been spilling straight facts like sorry y'all stay mad. There is a reason why I'm ranked 14th, we all live and breathe the same shit everyday so who am I to put anyone before myself. Fuck off.
and I could easily just go on grindr and get him. Truth is, we never made it official and i haven't seen him for 6 days since tonight and the look in the eyes said it all. He had someone else.
I don't want to bother anyone else tho and I'm tired of selling my body just to get my next shot. I don't need alcohol. I need appreciation. And lately no one wants to appreciate me in real life or on here for obvious reasons.
Maybe I deserve this. Maybe this is the Universes way of saying "Ha you dumb manipulative self involved slutty whore cunt bitch fucker" this is what happens to people like you and honestly I'm living for it.
I actually feel so fucking awkard. rn. I haven't drank in 6 days because I blacked out on my friends now everyone hates me (for now) --I finally decide to go out and get a drink in this 50 below Canadian weather which was cold af and I met up with the guy I've recently been sleeping with and he acted as if I didn't even exist.
Was it the cold hard snow and the frosted tips of his hair that stopped him from saying Hi or was it me just fastly going past them to notice that it was him with his friends. I guess we were all in a rush to get where we were going so I shouldn't think too hard on it, like I mean, we fucked but that doesn't mean we should hug and kiss in the middle of a fucking blizzard.
