So I’m just gonna ramble to myself and let this blog get ignored (or at best downvoted by a brown level user) just to get my feelings out, will delete later
But a co-worker died by suicide on 5/27 and the obituary was just published this morning and I am just sick about it. He was a lovely guy, kind to all, just a fun-loving person who you couldn’t help but like. We started around the same time several years ago annd I even trained him in. We could have been friends but we always got along when we hung out or had to work together. Work is stressful… lots of time to vent and bond and get close to ppl. I don’t understand. I feel so bad for his family, fiancé, and the many friends and colleagues who adored the heck out of him…it seems like every few months a death occurs close to home and it makes me anxious not only about the loss itself but of future losses that hasn’t happened. Death terrifies me and I feel like we don’t have enough time the way it is and I just want to make every moment count… I also feel like time has been spinning faster and faster like a tilt-a-whirl tide and it just keeps accelerating and I wanna get off but the more I cry to get off, the faster time goes. I am stuck in the past, worried about the future, and unable to focus on the present. 🎁 Today and every day you get is a gift .. I feel like I am becoming more and more aware of my own mortality and it scares me. I don’t want to lose anyone else . I want to reach out to friends I’ve lost touch with, but I also have convinced myself they don’t wanna hear from me, which is kind of the same mindset that could lead one to isolate and….
Doubt anyone has read any of this but I hope anyone who does knows that they matter and that there’s people in their life that care and cherish you so much even if you can’t see it.
Ok gonna distract my brain with podcasts, painting, and cannabis now
This is an amazing blog and this type of stuff doesn't get talked about enough.
I've spent my late teens and all of my 20s obsessing about the concept of death. It's a dark hold to go down.
However, a perspective change is what will get you through. There is truth inside you and meaning. It's literally in your design whether you believe in God or are an atheist. One thing for sure if that meaning flows through your veins. The sheer fact that you exist is proof of this.
You are here to love and experience, so do exactly that. I can tell you have a very introspective mind (soul even). Don't lose that! But also don't let it blow you away. You are going to be just fine and I hope you know that you matter too!
