This is a parody of SNL’s Weekend Update. It is comprised of a bunch of real news stories that I’ve made a joke out of.
My intention when making these jokes is never to offend anyone. They were all made in good fun. Please don’t take anything said below seriously, it’s all meant as a joke.
Upon being charged with domestic abuse, voice actor Justin Roiland has been fired and dropped from the adult swim animated series Rick and Morty as well as the Hulu animated series Solar Opposites.
And in all honesty, I find it odd that Adult Swim and Hulu decided to drop him so fast. I mean, it’s literally only been 2 weeks. Warner Brothers at least waited until Johnny Depp lost the wife beater case to fire him from Fantastic Beasts 3. But no, they decided to fire Roiland as soon as something came up on his record as if they’ve been waiting to fire him for 9 years. It feels like when you put a bowl of ice cream in front of a child and tell them not to eat it, and then you leave the room and they eat it all while they think they’re alone.
Speaking of Johnny Depp, remember the whole lawsuit he had against Amber Heard? When all of that started, Disney and Warner Bros decided to drop Depp from their future projects, and then the whole world supported Depp and despised Heard. And the worst part… Warner Bros is still working with Heard! She’s set to appear in Aquaman 2!
To be clear, I’m not saying I think Justin Roiland is the new Johnny Depp. I’m not saying I think he’s innocent. I’m just saying at least wait until his trial wraps up to fire him, because for all you know, you could be firing someone completely innocent and then still be working with someone like Ezra Miller.
The USA president of McDonald’s, Joe Erlinger, is angry over California lawmakers passing a new law that could raise hourly restaurant wages to $22 an hour.
When asked about the law in person, Erlinger said “I’m not lovin’ it.”
It has recently come to light among iPhone users what the “i” in iPhone actually stands for. In 1998, Steve Jobs revealed that the i stands for 5 words: internet, individual, instruct, inform, and inspire.
But since iPhone users didn’t actually realize he said this until over 2 decades later, I guess the i can also stand for “ignored”.
A 2,000 year old mummy was put through a CAT scan by scientists, in which the body was revealed to be wearing 49 amulets, most of which were made of gold.
Later on, it was revealed that the mummy was the ancient ancestor of American rapper Slick Rick.
The CEO of a tech company is receiving backlash after quoting Martin Luther King Jr. while announcing she was cutting 7% of the workforce.
Right, because there’s definitely not a better time to quote an advocate for equal rights than when you’re literally cutting off a portion of your workers.
A teenage boy from Bangladesh was locked in a shipping container and transported all the way to Malaysia. He was reportedly in the container because he was playing hide and seek.
Walmart is putting an end to a shoplifting technique called the “Banana Trick” where shoplifters trick self-checkout lanes into letting them buy high-value items at low prices by advancing their AI technology.
Coincidentally, “putting an end to the Banana Trick” is how most people describe their start to No Nut November.
