I will reveal something about my real life! This should be interesting
25: My grade is 70 percent guys so it's really difficult being straight at my school. Sometimes I wonder how easy it is for the gay people to like meet people but then I realize my grade is apparently like 99 percent straight
50: When I was younger I fell in a river while skiing in the middle of the woods on top of a very tall mountain. My dad was skiing ahead of me and did not notice I was gone until much later, but by then was at the bottom of the slope. They called the ski patrol and the entire force was searching for me while I was trapped in a river. Eventually I was able to free myself and I carried my skis and walked all the way down the mountain where my parents were crying and waiting. It was really weird because while I was walking down, no one actually asked me if I was ok, being a little kid carrying his skis and literally WALKING down a giant mountain.
75: I am attracted to this girl and she is literally AMAZING. But I am incredibly self conscious and afraid to tell her how I feel about her. We are really close and we tell each other so much, but I know she doesn't feel the same way about me....because she likes my friend. Ha talk about bad luck
100: I am a serious romantic. Maybe that's where a lot of my problems stem from, but I was raised believing in love and I believe that there is a way to truly care for someone besides that like casual hookup and shit. When I see a couple, I sometimes get a bit jealous because they love each other so much.
125: I'm scared of the future because I'm afraid that I'm not good enough to succeed in anything. Part of the reason I am so down on myself is because I struggle to believe that I have any positive qualities.
150: I am a Varsity swimmer and first year water polo player (as a senior LOL, my friends forced me to join the team). I was named one of the captains for my team which honestly was one of the happiest moments ever for me because I have put so much dedication and love into the sport and for the first time in a long time, I am being recognized for something in my life.
175: When I was younger, I used to be overweight and due to this, I struggled greatly with my self-image and with how others perceived me. I became extremely diet-conscious and lost pretty much all the weight very quickly, and over some time, became skinny to the point that some people thought I was anorexic. I'm still skinny now but I have gained weight. I have very mixed emotions about this point in time because it marked a transition from my ignorance of my flaws, to a complete awareness of everything I was doing wrong.
200: I am probably one of the clumsiest people in the world. I trip over EVERYTHING in my path and it's incredibly embarrassing. I have broken so many computer charges from tripping over the cord which is really frustrating. Recently, I accidentally kicked a hole in my bedroom wall while lying on my bed. I'm honestly not sure how that happened.
-----Every 50 points from now on-----
250: I am extremely loyal to my friends. I've grown up getting hurt by a lot of people who have either left me because they lost interest in me or people have betrayed me because they deemed me a necessary sacrifice in their life. Through these hardships, I have come to learn what matters to me most, and that's having friend by my side that I care about and would give the world to. I love my friends more than anything and I hope they do back because without them, my life would be very empty.
300: I have trust issues. It's not that I am convinced that everyone is evil, it's more that I have s little faith and confidence in myself sometimes that I convince myself that I'm not good enough for anyone. Part of the reason I don't show anyone on this site what I look like is because I'm terrified of the backlash and insults I might get, even though most of my friends tell me I'm good-looking to an extent. Relating to my real life, I have trouble trusting people and I have a habit of refusing to tell anyone what's going on internally within myself, leading to periods of time where I become lost and people around me notice my looks of confusion and despair. Eventually I come back to the surface, but I typically refuse to tell anyone what's wrong because I am afraid o what might happen if I tell the truth.
350: Part of the reason I am doing this blog is to prove to myself that I'm starting to move on from my past. The last time I did a confessions blog in January, I did so in order to win a castings by changing it into a blog about the duel. This time, this is serious and I want to believe I have grown up so much physically and mentally since then. Furthermore, I want to believe that I'm becoming more confident in myself and that I do not have to bottle my feelings up anymore in fear of the backlash. In a sense, I am hoping this blog will act as closure for myself in an attempt to break free from what has been chaining me down for a long time.
400: I am apparently very talented at befriending people in general. Somehow, my personality causes people in my own life to latch onto me, either has a stable source of entertainment, or as a person to go to for advice. Sometimes I am incredibly goofy and skilled at making people laugh while other times I'm one of the most serious and thoughtful people in the world. It honestly depends on which way my mind is turning (I might talk more about this later). Considering I basically go to an all-guys school, I'm unusually good at befriending girls. When I went to camp, literally I had so many girls surrounding me at all times. Some people might say: "Oh you're gay, because girls relate to gay guys", but I do not think that's it. I think there is something just readily available in my personality that people in my life latch onto and I am not quite sure what it is. Moving on to tengaged, I'm not sure if this all applies because I'm not sure if y'all like me or not, but I really like you all so I hope you like me :).
450: This one does not relate to my real life that much, but I think it's important. Gigi10 is probably one of the most important people in my life. Yes, I know it is strange to think that a person over the internet matters to me that much, and even stranger, it's a guy, when I'm straight. Matt is honestly one of the kindest people in the world and if you have not met him yet, you should seriously talk to him. My life moves in many phases and in a sense, I need a stable friend to help me overcome my difficulties and keep me afloat when I'm upset. Matt may be one of the only people who understands me to the level of fine detail and he has done so much for me that has helped me progress to where I am now. I am still searching for answers in my life to how to believe in myself, but he has led me on the right path and is still guiding me no matter how many times I piss him off. So thank you Matt, I really care about you like a brother, even though I do not actually have one.
500: I need to lighten this up a bit so here is a fun one. I have an interesting taste in food. I enjoy eating comfort foods like burgers and fries but my true food passion is eating fancy delicacies that most people do not like. Something I have been craving for literally months is Foie Gras, or fattened goose liver. I can go on for hours talking about it but I already did with Kizzi and she thinks I'm weird now because of it. I eat everything from, the delicious raw fish to the more strange beef intestine. It all strikes some sort of appeal in my mind because I like to experience everything life can give me.
550: I am a hobby cartoonist. I draw people in a semi-realistic, semi cartoonish form. I've been working on trying to perfect anatomy but my main issue is shading as I cannot figure out how to turn my shading from cartoon style to realistic style. People have asked me to make designs but I do not have the time in my life to do so at the moment. Maybe when I'm in college I'll start taking requests!
600: I listen to every genre of music and sometimes, I tend to listen to non-mainstream music. I am not a hipster in any way shape or form though. Music has always been a way for me to feel better when I'm upset and I use different genres depending on my mood. Pop for when I'm feeling goofy, Dubstep for when I want to go crazy, Country when I'm in a relaxed mood, Hip Hop and rap for when I'm like pretending to get work done but really just want to start rapping out loud, alternative metal when I need to release my emotions, punk rock when I'm looking for a good song, and alternative in general for anything. Some of my friends think I'm a total hipster but I don't think that makes any sense at all! I'm very mainstream in fact sometimes.
650: Not only do I swim and play water polo, I also was the captain of my Ultimate Frisbee team last year. I quit this year, not because I do not like frisbee, but because I wanted to try water polo because my friends convinced me. Frisbee helped me gain a sense of finesse in everything I do because it taught me how to throw the perfect throw the perfect length in the perfect location at an incredibly fast-pace game. Water polo on the other hand has brought out my agressive side and whenever I'm in the pool, I get extremely aggressive when I play. Although it is only my first year, my defense is on par with a fair amount of people on the team (my school has the best water polo team in the state). Swimming has helped me with both of these sports in a sense so I have to thank a lot of my happy moments to swimming.
700: I am afraid of public bathrooms. This is really embarrassing but it's true. I'm terrified of sitting on a toilet in a public place, especially if it's literally the site of some explosion. Ok I don't want to talk about this anymore.
750: I used to watch tons of romantic movies when I was younger. Action movies were never what I was interested in. Now, I like both but I still occasionally watch a romantic movie with friends or family. It is both really awkward and yet kind of fun.
800: There have been times where I have considered changing my whole future for people over the internet. I don't know if that shows how much I care about certain people or if that means I'm incredibly pathetic, but that is up to each and every one of you to decide. I thought about changing my college application list a long time ago for someone over the internet who I am no longer close to. Sometimes I wonder if I am becoming too attached to people who I have never met, but I want to believe that some of these people came into my life for a reason.
----100 points from now on---
900: Spring-boarding off the previous confession, I have ghosts in my past from previous internet friendships that have haunted me. I used to be friends with this one user and he helped me become a better person and believe in myself. However, something happened and his whole life disintegrated before my eyes, and since I was still trying to understand myself, I was unable to offer any substantial help to him. Eventually he worked his way back to who he was on his own, but by then, we had grown very apart. This is about the time where I joined tengaged as a "new start" to my life. A couple months ago, I was finally able to gain closure with this whole situation when we talked again and he explained that he grew "bored" of me, because he becomes bored of people and needs constant change in his life. Looking back, I'm the kind of person who needs stability to progress while he requires constant change. I was finally able to close that friendship for good and that memory is starting to haunt me less. However, it had an effect on me because it caused me to wonder for a very long time what I had done wrong and what made me such a failure in keeping friends because this was not the first time I lost a friend, either on the internet, or in real life. In fact, this happens to me quite a lot in general, but that's maybe another story.
