Did your plan exist,
Did your path agree with what you wanted,
Did your life become what you wanted not,
Did your heart break at what was not found.
Tomorrow seems to never come,
Today lasts forever,
Yesterday was as if it never was,
Moments seem to blur from what was to what was wanted.
One more drink,
One more line,
One more hit,
One more body.
Night after night,
Drinks,
Shots,
Lines.
Repeat,
Sleep an hour,
Dance,
Drink.
Faces all are the same,
Girl after girl,
One after another,
Feeding on me as I feed on them.
I smile and laugh,
I have calls coming in all night to come over from to many to count,
I can sit at the best tables,
I can go to the best partiers.
I can do what I want,
Lap dances are free,
Shots come by the tray full,
Popping bottles and partying all night.
Endless nights,
Full of emptiness,
Nothing can fulfill my hunger,
I am an animal and use what and whomever I want.
As the sun blazes down,
Looking at all that toils beneath,
What would it say of my life,
Did I ever go anywhere or was I just standing still as the world turned under me.
So many choices turned to ash,
Peoples names forgotten that once meant so much,
Stories forgotten,
Moments lost as if they never occurred.
Songs change but say the same thing,
Movies have new faces with the same stories,
News is the same day after night,
Endless seems the way and the past grows ever farther and ever the same.
Eyes water wondering what was,
What if’s dance upon my mind,
Torturing the choices of once made,
Pondering what else.
Then a small thought rolls in like a tattered tumble weed,
It blows against the ragged fence of visions to be,
As I turn red soaked eyes towards its fluttering limbs,
I wonder again.
I step to the fence of visions,
Beyond is a wide open expanse of a blank pallet,
Into forever I see anything I can dream and more over,
My heart beats deep as I dare to dream.
I kneel down to touch the tumble weed as I see something within it,
It is a note,
The paper is faded and crisp from many storms,
It is pulled free from the tumble weed.
Holding the small note I rub my eyes to prepare to read what it holds,
My heart beats stronger as if pushing fresh new blood into my system,
I stand firm and read the note,
“Live Life! Love Life!”
For some this meaning is nothing,
Maybe a song once uttered,
Maybe a line from a common novel,
For me the line opens my life.
Why do I toil under the sun,
Do I do it for fame,
Do I do it for power,
Do I do it for money.
Why live if no love can be had,
Real pure love,
What will bring me love,
What will bring me life.
In this I made my mind up to jump that fence,
To leave the fame and security.
To go to a place far,
Far away.
Now you know why I am here on this island,
Why I am poorer then I have ever been,
Why I am happier then I ever have been,
Why I am ready to begin living and enjoying the act of living.
I am a tumble weed,
I am a shooting star,
I am a fire starter,
I am life loved.
Tumbleweed