0 cigspriced, May 16, 2018
| depressed rantings | >>
god i never quite learn. i click on facebook thinking there might be something interesting there, but of course i'm so fucking let down. all i do is feel depressed when i read it. i mean, it doesn't even really matter if they're only posting the best, and highlighted parts of themselves, because they've still got that to post. when i go on there, what the fuck do i have to post on there? i don't really feel like i have anything at all to gloat about, and it makes me depressed. and you know what else is depressing, my old friend denysia from when i knew in elementary school is taking pharmacy classes. i'm not saying that she's dumb or anything, but i've always known that i'm smarter than her, and really the only thing she's got going for her is that she's a typical white washed asian that wants to live in laguna beach (yes, some guys dig these kind of chicks), and well she dressed nice and had a sense of style, etc. and to think that she's taking pharmacy classes. that SHE'S going to be the one filling my prescriptions when i'm going to a pharmacy, now that thought is scary. but i mean, besides that fact, what bugs me is that how is it possible that she managed to do this, and i didn't end up there. honestly, i'm the hare and she's the tortoise. and how fucking disappointing is it to realize something like that about yourself, fuck.
on a completely different note, (to further add to my depression) i have been feeling very far away from c lately. i'm not sure what's causing it (maybe the lack of sex) but it is making me feel depressed. i don't feel very connected with him, and it's almost as if he doesn't like me or want to be with me anymore. i dont' want to think too much about it cause i know otherwise i will overreact. but it's weird that when we first started dating, i really didn't care for the sex at all, and he wanted it all the time <a href="http://usasmokingsale.com">Discount Newport 100S Cigarettes</a>, and now i guess it's the reverse. he says it's just that he's too tired, and i'm not really around as much. and i guess lately, we've been going to san diego on the weekends (we just went again this weekend for c's grandparent's annual christmas party/gathering), so i guess it's kind of understandable, but i guess it makes me doubtful and nervous.
another thing that has been bothering me is what my mom's been saying. she's been talking about marriage, and asking me when it's gonna happen. she keeps wanting me to marry as soon as possible so that i have kids early, so then later on when i'm older, i won't be tired. and yeah, i guess it'd be nice in a way (though really prenancy still scares me), but then of course c's barely graduating this year out of community college and trying to transfer into USC (which i want to assume he'll get into usc <a href="http://smokingsaleusa.com">Online Newport Cigarette Store</a>, but one can never be too sure of..
