And now let’s introduce our celebrity players:

Style icon and a survivor of the Great Depression (RuPaul's acting career), Phyllis Diller!
Phyllis Diller (Vella Morghulis): http://i.imgur.com/KxAUay4.png
Style icon?! I stole this from one of Liberace's closets!

When I say “Spears” you may think of Myah Marie and shaved heads. Our second guest is here to make a name for herSELF (ZOEY 101 who??). This is Jamie Lynn Spears!
Jamie Lynn Spears (Yellow Fever): http://i.imgur.com/GwCnvv6.png
I'm the little snobby preppy bitch who got on All That because I'm Brittney Spears little sister. I can't even act very well and got a little show called Zoey 101 on nickelodeon that is believed to be cancelled because of my alleged pregnancy.

Next up, star of the worldwide viral hit, "Glass Ass," please welcome Mrs. Pepper!
Mrs. Pepper (Elle Emayho): http://i.imgur.com/s25i1fS.png Why hello Monsieur Kenneth! I'll have you know zat this derrière is so recognizable worldwide zat I have it insured now for up to $50,000! Zat is like a whole season of Blue's Clues for moi.

The Spice Channels MILF of the Year (No shade to Mrs. Pepper or Jamie Lynn), her name is Farrah Abraham!
Farrah Abraham (Laqueefsha): http://i.imgur.com/9sVoHS2.jpg
oh hi there i heard you like to explore the back door too ru ;)

Our Lord and Savior who brought 100 years of world peace to Earth, Taylor Swift!
Taylor Swift (Auburn Marguerite): http://prntscr.com/6k677y
no, it's becky.

Our next... guest is.... a person. :) Welcome Iggy Azeala.
Iggy Azeala (Jessica McMozzarella): http://i.imgur.com/sHvAGUe.png *waves* Hello! :) I was told this wasn't being filmed.

Scarily gorgeous covergirl, and everyone's favorite stereotype character, Sofia Vergara!
Sofia Vergara (Caia Alexander): http://imgur.com/XRgiWUF
Ayyyy Ru, it's only a stereotype if der is music playing!
http://img.thesun.co.uk/aidemitlum/archive/01895/sofia-vergara-funn_1895761a.gif

For the right price, she'll take all your money. Welcome JeriBeth!
JeriBeth (Neferti): http://i.imgur.com/bvqgQDb.png
It's Pwincess Val!

Who needs to be a genius when you've won half a million dollars, and every cat lady in America wants you to marry a homophobe? Please welcome Jordan Lloyd!
Jordan Lloyd (Ellen Uhvex): http://i.imgur.com/ptvbz2S.png
Hey y’all, so happy to be here! Sorry I couldn’t DRAG my husband along... see that I used the word drag!... he was afraid that all y’all gay people would hit on him. But I’m here!!

You steal her taglines, you clock her eyelashes. Her name is G-G-G-Gia!
Gia Gunn (Sora Kotdone Midori): http://i.imgur.com/PtlIs4k.png
Hey Kenneth, I just got off the boat, little trip for Asia, just in time for the Snatch game!

As the femme fatale of Florida, this “thick n juicy” girl will surely warm your heart with her kind words. Here is Roxxxy Andrews!
Roxxxy Andrews (Opal): *is not in her seat*
Oh?? Uh.. we’re gonna move on.

Let’s get this trainwreck on the-- *Roxxxy runs in*

Roxxxy: http://i.snag.gy/O68OO.jpg I'm sorry, my ride left me at the bus stop and I had to walk all the way from the hostel" *takes seat and takes out mcdonalds bag*

Oh my! Well on that note, let’s get started!

1) Petty Paula is so petty, when she sees a drag show she __________. Thomas, what did you say?

Thomas: Petty Paula is so petty, when she sees a drag show she throws her anal beads on the stage.

Let’s see what everyone else said!

Sofia: she kisses herself, because of the song, the new song. Eh Bruno mars "kiss yoself I'm so pretty, TOO HOT, HOT DAMN" hahah I like that song.

Roxxxy: How the fuck am I meant to know what petty means? I just fucking got here Jesus. Let me finish my McDonalds hun. Come back to me. *starts to quickly eat burger*

Phyllis: Petty Paula is so petty, when she sees a drag show she accuses them of stealing her look. It's amazing what they can do with their makeup now. They're done trying to be pretty, now they want to look like Chevy Chase in a wig. I forgot, that's just me.

Farrah: she gets a headache.

Mrs. Pepper: Throws pepper at ze audience anytime another pearformear gains more attention zan her. Even my daughtear Paprika has more manners zan that.

Jordan: Is still pretty? I don’t understand the question why did Paula change after seeing a drag show? Did I miss something?

Gia: she just pretends that it's Milk. Who SHOULD have sashayed away, I mean, drag is girl, NOT boy.

JeriBeth: she burns down a Hot Topic. BURN DOWN, BURN DOWN HOT TOPIC!

Taylor: Laughs, then cries, knowing that neither her nor any of the girls on stage will ever be as pretty as Karlie Kloss.... Gosh, she is a beautiful woman... Mmm... Sorry, what were we talking about? I got distracted.

Iggy: she rip Azealia’s weave out. The bitch gots a weave, we all knows it!

Jamie Lynn: she faked her pregnancy to outshine them.

Roxxxy: I wrote gives me money because still nobody has told me what the fuck petty means. Where the hell is the producer.

2) Genderfluid Gary is so genderfluid, zir _____________.

Thomas: Genderfluid Gary is so genderfluid, zir doesn't eat solid food.

Farrah: farrah doesnt understand....so mangos.

Taylor: Wear short skirts and t-shirts. At the same time!

Phyllis: Genderfluid Gary is so genderfluid, zir pussy isn't on fire. It's on suicide watch. I don't know what that means, Kenneth. I'm so old I attended my funeral in 2012. ... Seriously. I'm dead.

Iggy:  Who the fuck is zir? WHO THE FUCK IS ZIR? DID THEY HAVE AN ALBUM? I MOVED HERE FROM AUSTRALIA AND I DIDN’T HAVE AN EASY RIDE OKAY??? This “zir” ain’t got shit on me.

Jordan: Water. I didn’t understand any of that, I just heard fluid. Does that make sense?

Gia: zir is a ladyboy! I mean, let's be honest. When I think of genderfluid, do I think ladyboy? http://media.giphy.com/media/bAJykcpSwJY88/giphy.gif

Sofia: I no write anything because I did not understand de question, like who's jennifer fluiz, i no know.

JeriBeth: zir Ya Daddy!

Mrs. Pepper: Dresses like ze one and only Mrs. Pepper since I baseecally dress like Mr. Salt, only filled with pepper instead. My outfeet has no gendear.

Jamie Lynn: zir got pregnant but felt more masculine so she got an abortion.

Roxxxy: What the hell is zir? I don't know but "zir" probably talks all the time about being genderfluid.

im in the bottom and going home

3) Awkward Amanda is so awkward, she ___________ whenever she opens her mouth.

Thomas: Awkward Amanda is so awkward, she clittles whenever she opens her mouth.

Gia: she gags on a delorean whenever she opens her mouth! I mean, I have learned better from my messy, cheap, manly queen mistakes.

Iggy: she cries whenever she opens her mouth. Some bitches can’t take it when they gotta talk.

Roxxxy: *holds and to you* wait a sec this burgers giving me indigestion. I wrote drool because thats awkward but I think I might *vomits in mouth and painfully swallows* I'll change to vomit cos that was just awkward

Farrah: she flosses whenever she opens her mouth.

Jamie Lynn: she whimpers whenever she opens her mouth.

Taylor: She's just like... I mean... It's exhausting, she's just like never ever ever ever able to form a legible sentence. Like ever.

JeriBeth: TURNS HER CAM ON on whenever she opens her mouth. I know I would!!

Mrs. Pepper: Speells out all ze pepper. Zere may be a crack in her obviously awkward pearsonality that is causing it to happen. If ze shoe feets...

Sofia: she goes *pfff*........ gas.... you know, a tushie sneeze!

Jordan: Yawns. You know, yawning is awkward? I wouldn’t want to be, you know, yawning all day? I don’t know! I feel like, you know, that would be annoying and awkward.

Phyllis: she creaks and coughs up bats whenever she opens her mouth. She doesn't use it. I once saw her in a hospital waiting room. She didn't give her a contact number, she gave her a paper that said "Don't."

4) Wacko Jacko is so wacko, his favorite hobby is __________.

Thomas: Wacko Jacko is so wacko, his favorite hobby is listening to Eminem.

Jamie Lynn:  his favorite hobby is being pregnant.

Farrah: his favorite hobby is dabbling.

Iggy: listening to AZEALIA ALRIGHT LOOK I WASN’T GONNA SAY ANYTHING BUT SERIOUSLY SHE A BIGOT AND SHE DOES NOT RESPECT WHITE PEOPLE ENOUGH… SHE MAKING DIS A RACE THING!!!

Sofia: Wacko Jacko is so wacko, his favorite hobby is pretending to know how to play this game, HAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHA I FUNNY NO? HAHAHAHAHAHA

Roxxxy: Listening to Jinkx Moonsoon. Bitch is so flat she makes me narcoleptic. Fuck the song Coffee and Wine, give me Coffee and Wine because that shit puts me to sleep.

Jordan: I’m sorry wacko’s just a funny word I was laughing too hard to write anything down. Wacko.

Gia: http://31.media.tumblr.com/b5be67bbb839456c5c96bca944ed6c1e/tumblr_n1me05pj1T1t1rvzco8_250.gif

JeriBeth: man this question is fucking dumb. I WANNA TALK ABOUT BILL CLINTON!

Phyllis: his favorite hobby is playing ding dong ditch with mental hospitals. Even the police escort doesn't know where he went.

Taylor: Listening to Katy Perry's 'Prism.'

Mrs. Pepper: Ovearsalting all of ze food he cooks. Why ze fuck does it have to be salt? He is truly a wacko if he doesn't think zat even a leettle pepper can go a long way.

5) Bottom Benry is such a bottom, he cleans his ass out with ________.

Thomas: Bottom Benry is such a bottom, he cleans his ass out with Drano.

JeriBeth: he cleans his ass out with MY CLARINET!

Jamie Lynn: he cleans his ass out with unused condoms.

Gia: he cleans his ass out with my headpiece from that one runway! I mean, idk.


Farrah: he cleans his ass out with hot sauce he likes it to burn.
Roxxxy: Well I don't know him personally but I know I clean my ass out with licqour, gets right into the bloodstream and makes me forget I brought home a 2.

Phyllis: he cleans his ass out with lube. Some even say he's so greased up he sat on a bench and slid into traffic.

Iggy: with semen *cackles* that’s funny oh damn i’m funny

Taylor: I actually wrote a song about this called 'Clean.' Which is on my new album 1989, AVAILABLE NOW ON ALL GOOD MUSIC PLATFORMS (except Spotify cause I'd rather my fans illegally download it than only receive 2p per play) Anyway, the answer is diet coke. Lots of diet coke.

Sofia: h e cleans his ass out with poo poo paper? Why is his ass dirty like mira CABRON LIMPIAR SU CULO, DIOS MIO!!!

Mrs. Pepper: Ze kitchen seenk on full blast. Zat was the queeckest way for Mr. Salt to clean himself whenevear we used to get eet in. One time while he was doing eet, he cracked himself. I hope zat doesn't happen to poor Benry during his menage a trois.

Jordan: Douche, that’s what I’d use. Should I say that? That was a good answer though do I win?

6) Enormous Eartha is so enormous, the only thing bigger than her is ______.

Thomas: Enormous Eartha is so enormous, the only thing bigger than her is my heart.
Roxxxy: I originally wrote "My Ass" *holds up answer* but I changed it to "My Heart". I hate being the villian so please take me into your hearts. Please love me American. Please love me. and FUCK JINKX MONSOON.

Phyllis: You know, Kenneth, I know Enormous Eartha. All I have to say is if you're on an elevator with her, you're better be going down… Enormous Eartha is so enormous, the only thing bigger than her is the male ego. I know from experience... My husband Fang doesn't pet our dog, the dog pets Fang.

Iggy:  the only thing bigger than her is this Mexican bitch I knew in Miami. I bet the bitch ate Taco Bell all the time. Had like 8 kids, too. Stereotypes.

Farrah:  my lip injections.

JeriBeth: Tinabeena's shoulders... mmmm ;)

Jamie Lynn:  the only thing bigger than her is her baby bump.
                   
Jordan: Did yall choose her name Eartha because it sounds like Earth? Jupiter’s bigger than Earth, I’ll say that.

Taylor: My long list of Starbucks' lovers. I tell ya Kono, I'm getting so many free Venti Frappuccinos these days!

Gia: the only thing bigger than her is Darienne Lake! I mean, there was, ROOM for EVERYONE! Let's just leave it at that.

Sofia: the only thing bigger than her is nothing. Eartha, jew are beautiful. Don't let anyone tell jew that your body is bigger than anything porque chica, if a man can't love you with curves, he'll never love jew with straight lines, ok?

Mrs. Pepper: Ze amount of fat zat people gain due to oversalting all of zere food. Fucking fat ass Amearicans... Zey need to get zear sheet together. Pepper is where eet's at.

7) Rich Rhonda is so rich, her most pricey possession is her _________________.

Thomas: Rich Rhonda is so rich, her most pricey possession is her Monopoly on Boardwalk and Parkplace.

Mrs. Pepper: ZE CHILD SUPPORT AND ALIMONY PAYMENTS I GET FROM MR. SALT AFTEAR WE TRAGEECALLY DIVORCED! I got two children to clothe and feed, and I seemply can't do zat with ze paychecks I get from ze producers. I don't even make an appearance in some of ze epeesodes.

Taylor: Pussy... cat, Meredith.

Jamie Lynn: her most pricey possession is her at home abortion clinic.

Iggy: Well, mine is my ass. This shit cos- I mean is completely natural :) She probably has an ass too. How else a bitch supposed to get rich?

Farrah:  her most pricey possession is her diamond aglet.

Sofia: her most pricey possession is her i no know what it's called, but it's the tickatitititackticktickaktiakctiakck thing the the the

Phyllis: HELICOPTER?

Sofia: Yes that!

Roxxxy: Her house? I don't know what rich people do. *starts to day dream and ooze no personality as ever*

JeriBeth: her most pricey possession is her paypal account.

Gia: her 300 dollar weaves and makeup. Serving up tilapia realness everyday.

Jordan: Big Brother 11 crown! Oh wait, that’s just me!

Phyllis: Rich Rhonda is so rich, her most pricey possession is her legs. Rhonda and I were alike, when we lift our skirts colonel Sanders sues us for infringing on the original recipe. It's why she got em fixed. You wanna see my bird legs, Kenneth?

Oh, no thank you!! That’s all the time we have folks!! The winner is… WHO CARES??? Thanks for tuning in, and remember to always circumcise your children, male or female!
(Runway up in a second)

me in a few minutes:
http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/logosrupaulsdragrace/images/e/e6/Sashay_Away.gif/revision/latest?cb=20130523213511

When I call your name, please step forward.

WHY DIDN'T LITECITRUS/JERIBER TALK ABOUT CUMMIES? :(((

Neferti
Jessica McMozzarella
....Sora Kotdone Midori.

You are safe.