I keep coming back seeking validation and forgiveness from this site. I honestly still haven’t really earned it yet. It’s hard though, because as toxic as this site can be (myself included, I realize) it’s really been one of very few places I’ve considered home. I’ve always felt like an outsider in basically every community I’ve been a part of, for one reason or another. I’ve never really felt like I truly belonged. I make these depressed blogs not for attention, and definitely not to trigger or upset others, but because of this overwhelming feeling of loneliness and rejection. I’m not sure if I’ll ever truly feel at peace and happy. I’ve felt very very down for about 4 years now. There’s almost never a morning I wake up feeling genuinely excited or energized. I miss being a kid, having that joy snd innocence. I guess one could argue though part of growing up is realizing life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, and that’s just something I should learn to accept.
TLDR: Lonely and realizing I haven’t quite earned respect, forgiveness, or validation from a lot of you. Also coming to realize the harsh reality of life.
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Not sure what has happened but I hope you are all good.
