Ok it's that time again I have been conscripted to look after the cousins for a night. Normal.
Got here, watched some Nickoldeon, had to threaten punishment if they didn't go to bed. Normal.
What was different was hearing a piercing shriek from the kitchen. One of their cats had caught a mouse and was trying to chew it's head off. I of course being very sensible, screeched for the kids and then started a game of chase the cat with the live mouse in its mouth through the entire house. Finally we cornered the cat and I now have a mouse stguck in a bowl.
What the hell do I do now? I haven't been trained in mouse related emergencies. I want to let it go outside but I have two crazy cats following my every movement. Ah help!!!!
A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked," Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
"My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, a contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of bath." "Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?" "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
I'm going to start doing daily jokes or stories that'll hopefully make some of you laugh. Here's my first one :
A blonde who's down on her luck is walking through a luxurious neighbourhood looking for odd jobs to do when she approaches a large house. She goes up to the house, rings the bell and the owner comes to the door.
He asks the lady what he can do for her. The blonde tells him of her situation, that she is down on her luck and wants to know if he has any odd jobs that she could do. The man thinks about it for a second and then remembers that he has been wanting his porch painted. He asks the blonde if she paints?
The blonde says, "Sure anything."
"Well, I've been wanting my porch painted, how much would you charge?" the man replies.
"I don't know, say $50 bucks."
"Sounds good. Go ahead and get started." He closes the door and walks back inside.
His wife asks him, "Who was at the door?" He tells her of the blonde and her situation and then told his wife that the blonde agreed to paint the porch for $50 bucks.
The astonished wife says, "$50 bucks, but that porch goes the full length of our house and then some. It will be at least a few hours job. You really should pay her more."
"But that's all she said she wanted, and anyway she's a dumb blonde!"
10 minutes later, they get a knock on the door. The man answers the door and the blone stands there and says, "All done."
With a surprised look on his face, "I can't believe it, you're already done painting the entire porch."
"Yes, and by the way it's not a porch it's a Ferrari."
Hi my name is Tabitha and i'm from Penarth in South Wales. I'm new to this site and joined after seeing my friend forever typing at his laptop on this site. So here I am introducing myself to you. Here's a little information about me:
- I'm a girl
- I am studying to become a teacher
- I am single
- I love vegetables
- I have two sisters
- I love watching sci-fi
- I love my Wii and Nintendo DS
There's lots of other things but this was just a short introduction to me!!!!!!
Hi my name is Tabitha and i'm from Penarth in South Wales. I'm new to this site and joined after seeing my friend forever typing at his laptop on this site. So here I am introducing myself to you. Here's a little information about me: