1. Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
2. Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a jerk.
3. Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
4. Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
5. Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
6. Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what happened to your pants.
7. Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).
8. Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
9. Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Chuck.
10. Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
11. Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
12. Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear".
13. Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.
