Hey all,
i just love to shop in the mall,
i got my little brother a ball,
my sister just fell over in the hall,
and now my friend went on the phone for a call,
the end of my life is here,
and now i must fly my dear,
Did you like it? please tell me how i could improve it, or you can just rate my blog, any-way i thank-you all!!!
It's okay, do you write much? :) It's good that the lengths of the sentences vary.
Poetry doesn't HAVE to rhyme, though. The way you rhyme the first 5 sentences is a bit excessive.
Also, the first 3 or 5 lines are in the same vein, but then the last 2 seem like a random afterthought to try and finish the poem.. it doesnt match up, ya know?
I just love to pop in the mall
and see all the things up for sale
there i buy my brother a ball
but you don't find those on a rail
when my sister fell in the hall
she turned a little bit pale
now my friend is on a phone call
to a cute and handsome young male..
mall
Ball
hall
call
You should do ryming couplits instead