(This is really long but worth reading)
Ive been waiting for tomorrow for years. Now in a weird way, but like I wanted to be ready incase it happened because you just never know.
I had a set plan of exactly what I wanted to do and where I wanted to be in life by the time this day came around.
While this all changed, Ive never been more at peace with myself.
I hear the preacher say speak now or forever hold your peace,
heres the silence,
heres my last chance,
I stand up with shaking hands
all eyes on me.
Ive been moving on,
from all the things that have happened,
Ive finally reached a place where im happy with myself,
and I feel like im at the top of the world.
Last February I fell to my rock bottom,
seeming so frail and so helpless,
I had no dreams, no ambitions,
And I finally let go of yours.
There was a time in my life,
where there was one person in my future,
the feelings i felt were real,
its all over now.
I still wake up,
remembering those precious moments,
reminescing in a connection,
most people never get the chance to experience in a lifetime.
I dont feel anger, I hardly feel sadness,
Everyone has their days,
my heart in its entirety,
now has its opportunity to be whole.
I say goodbye to my decimated young childhood,
my bitter hatred filled adolescent years,
my experiences with broken hearts and broken friendships,
and my believed abstraction of what I thought life should be.
I'm not sorry for the decisions I've made,
Im responsible for who I become and who I am today,
I know whats right and wrong,
And no one can take away my dignity.
The souls of the people I've lost travel with me,
their voices real as the pulse of my beating heart,
Although who they were was lost,
they will always be with me.
While no one understands what I feel,
I ask them to contemplate this:
I love you and care for you so please respect my feelings,
Just let me get them out to finish my healing.
Friends come and go,
They have their path too,
Im not a saint in all of this,
I can only hope I havent changed someones world as much as certain people have changed mine.
Day by day I improve,
I have a drive thats leading me to finally being happy,
My dreams I abandoned have given me back my personality,
And I now plan to change them
My words are lost in an endless sea of uncertainty,
I want to beg and plead,
give me the life I wanted to have with the people I loved,
but they dont care about me.
Its no life to live with knowing inside that you are worthless to them,
It knaws at your flesh letting you know the truth,
dont run away,
it can run faster.
I have reconciliated with myself,
Although I wish to with others,
It would bring me to my knees,
And I am not ready.
Dont talk to me,
Youll never change,
Im doing this for you too,
Youve done horrible things to me but I will no longer shout.
All these dreams,
They mean next to nothing to me,
Theres just the nagging thought in my head,
That your assuring smile would make them feel right.
Youve heard me say it a thousand times,
Im just a broken record,
But maybe with a few more,
it can be carved into stone.
Your laughter would make my heart glow,
It was our own world,
No one understood what we were saying,
Their wondering stares at the bond never seen before.
After you left,
I awaited your return,
but the person who came back,
spoke with foreign words.
My heart broke,
I realized you could have came back,
And from that day on,
I never felt the same.
You tore my soul,
Said things you could never take back,
I felt like I was nothing,
And you just didnt understand.
Each day has been a challenge,
Some days I just fall to the floor,
My tears said enough,
but no one was there to watch them fall.
Because of the years of going through everything alone,
I can now stand without crutches,
I am the strongest I can be,
I know this was all meant to happen.
I always thought by 12/21/12
That we would be on the phone all day and night,
Making sure that
everything had been conceived.
Dont try to speak to me,
Im out of your control,
I am no longer chained to the wall,
your extortion so heinous.
Ive been moving on,
from all the things that have happened,
Ive finally reached a place where im happy with myself,
and I feel like im at the top of the world.
And I know that my heart will go on
We'll stay forever this way
My Additional Note:
This was really really hard for me to write. Now I feel so much better just having it all down. I really dont think the world will end, I just know any second could by my last, and tomorrow should be a day of recognition for that.
