My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were
in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she
answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even
look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to
phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started....
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I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" It
warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I
haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested, "How about the
kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....
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Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed
the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat to
the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The
wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the
radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back
into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled
up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered,
'The weather out there is terrible.' My loving wife of 10 years replied,
'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
And then the fight started ...
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A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3
o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman,
bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy Shit.
That must be my husband!' So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and
naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran
through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go. A few
minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the
woman, 'I AM your husband!'
The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'
And then the fight started......
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I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer
would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And then the fight started....
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A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not
happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I
look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The
husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started......
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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said,
"Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"" Nah, she can order for
herself."
And then the fight started...
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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed,
'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after
we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober
since.' 'My God!' said my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started...
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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
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My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.'
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were