Note: please don't be rude or any kind of things to hurt me nor this blog
I've hurt enough today
Note2: English is not my 1st language so it might be some wrong grammars in some points
My mom and dad, my sister, my grandparents are still alive
maybe I'm too young and never experience something like this before
there was a guy my age, we're in the same neighborhood
we went to the same school since we were 7-8 years old
but we didn't talk much, and not closed at all
one day I remembered I had a fight with a big guy, turned out I lost one of my contacts
I was 10, but cried like a younger
I wanted to call my dad to pick me up but I have no phone back then
--- He was the one who came and offered me a ride
ummm not a ride actually, he took me to the bus and walked home safely
That's where we begin our friendships.
He's a very polite guy, even with same age children. a little nerdy but good overall
he didn't talk much though
.... a couple of years ago he was diagnosed that he have Depressive Disorder
I'm kinda admit that I don't know well about it. All I know was he looked different
like he wasn't joy as before and sometimes I saw him crying
I asked but he said he doesn't know why either
sometimes he said he was crying from midnight til dawn
which is shocked me
We talked to his parents and he went to see the doctor
after the diagnosis, he got some medications (Fluoxatine or something and more)
looking from the outside, he didn't get any better though, but I though it has to take time
And I promise I will be there for him forever. He said nothing but smiled
He described his pain that "the dementors from Harry Potter said it all"
It's like you'll never be happy again, you keep thinking about when you're losing your father all the time for no reason. you keep thinking about unfair things that ever happened to you.... such as this thing
We were big fans of HP though, he won the HP competition of our school (I got 4th)
He promised me he will make it to see the last movie of HP
Fortunately he did
and when we found out they separate the last book to be 7.1 and 7.2
he said "aww now I have to live longer". we laughed
we are 1 year away from college
and his dream is always to be a doctor, and it takes a very high score to make it to
the problem is, his medications makes him feel dizzy and sleepy all the time
and he had to take twice a day so it did bother him
And yes, he kinda said he wanna quit the medication because he didn't feel any better at all
and "If you can't study, which mean there's no career, no college..... or life ahead"
**** he said if that's gonna be his life, dying doesn't sound too bad ****
I hit him at his shoulder and made him promise to never say that again. He did though
last 3 months he went to see the doctor more often and less school
I called to cheer him up, and suggest him to take a gap year or 2 if he's not make it to the college this year
He said yeah he kinda have the same idea
at the moment I was relief
but I was wrong
the last time I saw his face was this sunday
he looked sad, he said he got bullied but... i don't know I never heard of bullying in my school before
especially to him, everyone knows that he sick and had a hard time
I asked if he was okay, he said yes
and we ride our bicycles around the park until the sun's gone
we said good bye .....
this morning he didn't come to the school
I called his mom after school and she told me that last night.... he gave up
I still remember her words, she thanked me for taking care of him the whole time
but I know I don't deserved it AT ALL
I feel pain in my chest, I don't know losing someone is hurt this much
I don't even have a chance to say good bye. but I never know
I didn't imagine today would come
all I ever thought is to see him smiling again.
I wanna see his joyful face like the meaning of his name
he was the kindest person I ever met
and I thought we would stay like 60-70 years old together
he didn't deserved this at all
but now he's gone, and I'm the one who let him do it
If only I taking care of him better.... or well enough, he would've feel like to stay.... like he always wanted to
I'm sorry that this happened to you
you are the one I love and I will never let you go
I wanna talk to you, I wanna see you get better and better
but I guess I can't have those chances anymore
so RIP, Non.
I hope you rest in very peace
If the heaven ever exist, I wish you stay there very long, after all the hell you've been paid
If the next life ever exist, I wish your life to be wonderful without this unfair decease
and hope I will be friends again
I miss you so much Non
and I will always love you, like always
