mastropola for the grand theft of doobee 's hairline.
As demonstrated below, the [victim's] face-to-hairline ratio is 1:3:2, far surpassing that of an average male homosapien.
I have alerted the Federal Bureau of Investigation, whom are in the process of tracing and detaining you. I am also working closely with your state Police Department to establish an arrest warrant. You will soon be charged under the offense of Grand Theft Hairline, which holds a minimum incarceration sentence of: Life Imprisonment.
