Preface, I only actually think one of these movies is altogether irreedemable and I wouldn't watch again myself
F-Tier (Poorly Done Waste of Money and Time)
30th: Knock At The Cabin - IDK what to say about this that nobody already isn't thinking. The movie happened too quickly to build premise, I didn't really care about any of the characters and no-hope horror movies are only done well when there are emotional stakes and they didn't make me care about the family dying or the world ending.
D-Tier (I'd watch again if I'm bored and forgot what happened)
29th: Marry F*** Kill - I like the genre of taking children's games and turning them into horror movies, but other than everyone picking the same person for Kill, this movies was forgettable, literally, I couldn't tell you anything memorable about the movie.
28th: Five Night's At Freddy's - If you're going to make a fan-service movie, don't make it painfully obvious that it's a cashgrab. This movie had so much potential but at every opportunity they fumbled the bag starting right at the beginning with a PG-13 rating. I know they wanted kids to be able to see it, which is fine, but they made it go in the direction of Disney's A Haunted Mansion rather than M3gan. They spent too much time looking into Josh Hutcherson's characters past, the cop's storyline wasn't built up enough, same with the sister and the aunt. A lot of loose ends and I am actually hoping for a (R-Rated) sequel to maybe try and salvage the loose ends.
27th: Waking Karma - Horror Movies about cults never cease to fully miss the mark, but this one came close for me. It's fine to explore storylines that (unfortunately) happen in the real world, like incest/sexual assault in this one, but if it's going to be done and bring up trauma, do it well at least and make people think. The only saving grace this has is that it was constantly twisting and turning so I had no idea what was going to happen next.
26th: Cocaine Bear - This is ONLY ranked so low because I personally do not consider it a horror movie, it's camp horror if anything but this is like comedy action, I'm including it because my inspiration CocoVanderbilt included it. It was fun and all, but for me, tons of blood does not make a horror movie and it was missing nice horror elements. Good movie, little to do with horror.
C (Average with decent enough peaks and valleys)
25th: Infinity Pool - Much like Coco, it pains me to put a Mia Goth movie so low, but her performance in this alone is why I would watch this again in a year. Much like Pearl, here she shines and is astonishingly brilliant and carries the movie on her back. After sitting and thinking about this movie, it wasn't bad, and by no means do I hate having to reflect on a movie, but other than Goth's star scenes, this movie required a little too much reflecting that I feel only horror-snobs and critics would do/want to do.
24th: Insidious: The Red Door - Another installment into the insidious franchise and it really didn't do much besides pass the torch from the father to the son, but other than the son's (gruesome visions), this feels more like an angsty teen movie rather than the insidious movies I used to watch on call with Vixanu that had me having nightmares.
23rd: Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey - I too did not hate this movie. And they are getting a sequel with a bigger budget, so I'm actually seated for that! Where this one failed was the poor budget costuming, but for a slasher, it was great.
22nd: A Haunting In Venice - This feel's like a horror movie that only people who are scared of actual horror would consider horror, but it was included by Coco, so I too will include it. The acting is superb hence why it is so high, but it feels just like another Whodunnit much like Death on the Nile and while these movies are fun, my expectation of horror is to be terrified and this just didn't fit the bill for me.
21st: Scream 6 - It pains me so much to put this this low, but the bigger pain is knowing that this piss-poor installment is most likely going to be the last one for the foreseeable future unless Spyglass gets taken off the project. This movie was good, some of the twists are phenomenal and there were scenes in it I will forever remember, but like....nobody died. You find out at the end that everybody you had emotional investments in survived being stabbed 10 times and it didn't feel realistic. It didn't have the same pizazz or allure or social commentary that Scream, 2, 4 and 5 had and I was excited for 7 but 7 might as well be a fever dream at this point
20th: Renfield - This was fun and it was cool to see Menu boy play a good guy this time rather than an asshole. I like Awkwafina, I think she is fun and it was a good time and if I'm ever in the mood for a really funny but also really gory Nic Cage movie, this will be one of the top ones!
19th: Nefarious - Slow burns are hard to pull off, but it's usually easier with either a larger cast of characters or more setting, which this lacked. It's a 2-hour movie 90% of which is in an interrogation room. It's super creepy because in 2023 people could just know things about you thanks to the internet or you could actually be dealing with paranormal (in a movie at least) and this one had me guessing until the very last minute of which it was.
18th: No One Will Save You - I'm not a huge fan of creature features (aliens, zombies, werewolves, vampires, etc.) due to the fact that there is little to zero basis in reality on most of those (aliens I do believe in, however I don't think they care about us). The thing that has this alien movie so high is how unsettling it was. The SFX were creepy, the makeup was unnerving and it all being set where you don't know if this is only happening to one person or the whole world (i.e. Us) until the end is always gut-wrenching. They fumbled the end though in my eyes, but I'm not a critic, I still think it did what it set out to do.
17th: Killer Book Club - This movie was really fun but every twist it had had already been done and in my opinion, better. My favorite part was actually the ending and also it being written/filmed so you don't know if a person actually died or if it's a gross piece of fan fiction. That part was what was genius to me.
B (I recommend these wholeheartedly to any horror lovers)
16th: Unseen - I loved this movie and I felt it was fresh and a new idea, there were just some plot points that were unnecessary to me or overly camp in an attempt to build stakes, but one in particular felt super forced. It was a beautiful chase movie with characters you don't find in other movies and a premise I don't think has been done before.
15th: The Blackening - This is a comedy horror done so right it's unbelievable. The comedy was at the right moments, the horror felt in place and the twists were really good, this is just honestly this low because 2023 was a hard-hitting year for horror in my opinion.
14th: Totally Killer - This movie was so much fun and honestly would be ranked higher if the basis of the movie wasn't horror first for my own ranking. I was nervous going into this movie because it reminded me of Happy Death Day (which I love) and Freaky (which I hate) so I had no idea which way it would go. but it was amazingly done and honestly worth the 90 minutes I'll spend watching this every October.
13th: Talk To Me - This was really good, but I feel like there was too much going on for me to fully understand the breadth of what was happening, similarly to Infinity Pool. At some points I was too confused to enjoy, but it was still a chilling movie and I hope the sequel is equally amazing.
12th: The Boogeyman - Another no-hope installment for 2023 and to me this felt like the same pretense as Smile with not quite the same amount of payoff. Sometimes it felt like the goal posts were being moved for the sake of storytelling or building suspense, which I'm not a fan of, but that's not to say this movie isn't good. I personally prefer the mid 2000's boogeyman movie more, but this one was good too.
A (Angela Bassett did the THING, Angela Bassett being these movies)
11th: Fear - This movie had me nervous, especially considering I thought there would be more comedy involved considering the cast. A force exposing your worst fears and using them against you in an inescapable house, terrifying AND done well. All the fears felt unique but could apply to almost any living breathing human.
10th: Thanksgiving - What a great addition to the slasher genre. It was grotesque, it had you guessing, it had you caring, it was an instant classic. The acting in this was amazing, some of the kill scenes were so insanely unique and the premise being a colonizer's wet dream is so bizarre but it WORKED.
9th: The Nun 2 - Part of this is ranked so high because of how much I love Taissa Farmiga but the other one is that the Nun is one of the few creatures that actually has kept me up at night because she is terrifying. It didn't feel super unique in comparison to the first however it didn't feel super redundant. They did what the conjuring universe has always done well and honestly I wouldn't mind another installment but would also be happy if this successful movie was what they ended on.
8th: Oracle - Horror Noire is an amazing genre of horror and I'm so excited to see what comes of it in the future and this movie was no exception. It was beautiful, it kept you guessing WTF was going on and even until the end you had no idea if what was happening was real, if she was set up, if the family was in on it. It was amazing.
7th: Malum - This is a cult movie and a reimagining of a different horror classic. This movie was so creepy that I had to look away at some points, but at the same time it was so good that I had only myself to blame for keeping my eyes on the screen. The world felt so weird and fucked, but also the story was breathtaking and you never quite knew the next step.
6th: Saw X - I am so glad that of all the slasher franchises that never fucking end, that this one also has continued and stoof the test of time. There were some VERY rocky points in the saw series, but this one did not disappoint. The kills felt unique, the movie had emotional stakes and going back to tell more of John and Amanda's story had me too excited for words.
S (I genuinely believe every person should watch these movies at some point)
5th: There's Something Wrong With The Children - Creepy kid movies disturb me because kids are actually disturbing, just the shit that they say and do makes me go WTF and this movie exploited that for film gold and made a movie where I felt on edge the entire time.
4th: The Exorcist: Believer - Most of my exorcist knowledge comes from seeing the movie once when I was young, but mainly Scary Movie 2. If you want stakes, this movie has them out the wazoo and if this movie is anything like the original, then I can see why the original is the ONLY horror movie ever to win an oscar. This movie had me in a daze for 120 minutes.
3rd: M3gan - The creators of this movie set out on a mission and they conquered TF out of it. These filmmakers made a PG-13 movie that was still violent (unlike FNAF), super camp and super gory. Honestly I only suggest this to everyone because it was a super fun ride and I loved every minute of it.
2nd: Missing - I was wishy-washy on whether this was a horror movie, but it definitely was and the cinematography was beautiful, the storytelling mediums were unique, the twists were on rollercoaster and I could not have seen the ending of that movie coming from a mile away.
1st: Evil Dead Rise - This movie was insanely stunning and that's coming from someone who's not even an Evil Dead fanboy like that. The imagery in this movie was haunting, the investments I had in the characters were very real and the way the movie played out was like a masterclass on horror. I was bewildered but enthralled, disgusted but tantalized, grossed-out but in euphoria. This movie will easily go down as not only the best movie of 2023 for me but one of the greatest movies of all time. The lead actresses deserved oscars, the makeup artist deserves Oscars, the writers deserve oscars, this movie would sweep so easy if the academy did not have a grudge against horror.
Comments
watch Cobweb, The Last Voyage of the Demeter, and Skinamarink
