Nicole your an amazing friend I am so glad to have you! You've always been there you've helped me so much through my depression and just everyday life! You always know how to make me laugh and what to say! Thank you for always being there for me and I hope you have a VERY special day!
Okay I know a lot of people talk about me on this site. I know that I used to be annoying and stuff but I was truly just hiding...
I am a bipolar/mood disorder/depressed cutter.
People have done so much to me in my life. I know a lot of people that have affected me... some positive some negative. I was bullied in 7th grade. People called me the "f" word and bitch and a lot of other really rude things. I have fought all my life with depressed. When I was bullied that pretty much changed my life.
I started burning in March of 7th grade (about a year ago I think) and I burnt a lot to get the stress out... then I began cutting after I was bullied even more. I struggled so long. Then I found love... Biddy :\ At the time love seemed like the best thing I could ever have. Someone actually LIKED me! I was so excited I went ape shit on that! Then somethings happened... yes I DID CAM with him.... sadly okay so anyways after we broke up him and ohhayy got in a chat and they added me and basicly made my life worse. They all told me to cut myself and to kill myself and that I was worthless. That was the first time I attempted suicide....
I tried to bleed to death by cutting. I tried everything I could.. truthfully I've attempted suicide 7 times. I've cut so much that there are so many scars on my arms its crazy. I've been tortured all my life with depression. Everything overwhelmed me and just hurt. After the cyber bullying I was working hard to just make everything go away. In real life I would get upset at the tiniest things. I would cut instantly when something bad happened. After about March 20-30(idk) I left school.
After being in 4 hospitals I actually started to feel a little better with new medicines. They upped my abilify pretty quickly though and it made me go on a RAGE. I fought my dad, physically fought. Not really like punching but he had to restrain me. My life was terrible at that point. There was no use in living then. My family tried so hard to do anything they could for me. Then finally I tried to stick metal into an electrical socket. After I failed I was sent to Carrier Clinic in New Jersey.
Carrier was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I got just the right medicines. Mood stabilizers FTW! Anyways after I got out of there everything was looking up =) I started a new program called IOP (intensive out patient) at Gen Psych. I go 3 days a week there and I feel really happy ! :)
But then a few days ago some things happened and I got in a huge fight with my parents. I cut my arms allll up they still look awful.
But I'm working and taking life one step at a time!
So if you truly thought I was just some person with no feelings and just wanted to cam and be rude and stuff, its not true. I do have feelings and I was truly hiding them.
I love you tengaged
If you want write your own story :)
Remember your life is worth living! I promise it'll be great in the end. If I ended up feeling better, then you can too!
I just thought I would share my story and show that your not alone! If you want you can even share yours too! :)
Love, Scott
Edit: I also wanted to add about the butterfly project. The butterfly project is where you draw a butterfly on your arm. If it fades away then it means the butterfly flew away. If you do an ineffective behavior then it means you killed your butter fly. :(
Let that butterfly fly away please! One step at a time :)
