Ever since I was fairly young, traveling the world was a fairly big dream of mine. My only issue was that it always clashed with my parents' dream of sending me to Uni, buying a house, finding them a son-in-law, and giving them grandchildren - preferably before they are in a morgue. They were not against the idea of a world tour...but they still wanted me back in order to fulfill their dream as well. Covid striking then gave me the chance to think somewhat about what kind of future I wanted

Thanks to my obsessive saving, I found myself sitting on a rather decent amount of money. I knew I probably had enough money to live on the road for a decent amount of time, and during this time, fall in love with another country where I can one day settle down. There is nothing to say I can't then go to university in whatever nation I end up in (but if it's a non-English speaking country I then likely need to jump through the hoops of learning another language). Still, this remains my plan for hopefully some time in the near future

Then, we have the other side of looking at things. With the money I have, I could pay off a decent chunk of university debt if I chose to go, or even get myself somewhere on the property ladder. While some parts of University appeal to me, the idea of returning to school is not a pleasant one. Finishing Year 13 was a feeling that I have never felt before, so returning to the world of studying is simply not appealing. Additionally, I worry my dreams of travel may then be hindered. The last thing I want in my life is debt of some kind, and as this country's economy continues to worsen, I especially worry I may not be able to get out for quite some time; pinned down with debt in a rapidly more expensive place

That being said, I can also see their point of view having logic behind it. Going on a world tour is also somewhat of a risk in itself. My dad mainly says it will be a horrible financial mistake, and basically would be a waste of money. I may be kind of naive in thinking I can just appear in a new country and start a life, and I'm aware it isn't that easy. His viewpoint, in a nutshell, is that "every country is as shitty as this one, so moving will only bring a different set of problems", or basically, "better the devil you know". Nowhere is perfect, everywhere has its issues, but I do genuinely refuse to believe the UK is in the tier of "least shitty countries". It's certainly not on the level of places like Chad, Afghanistan, Yemen, and the United States (among others) which seem particularly shitty to live in at the moment, but the UK is hardly a top-tier nation for quality of life

So...yeah. That pretty much summarises why I'm here. Do I go on my trip, find "paradise", but lose my chance to live in a large suburban house with an inoffensive husband and children; or remain in the UK, go to Uni, and hope for the best. Effectively, I view it as a choice between a big risk with a bigger prize (but a further fall), or a small risk with a small prize (and a shorter fall). I don't want to spend my future filled with regret over the one I didn't choose (who does?), and both have their risks. It's just working out which one is more worth taking.

(God, that took me longer than it should have to write oml)