MAXI - CHALLENGE
TEAM REALITY WARPED & T'KAY RUNWAE
CATFIGHT AT CLUB 54
Starring:
Reality Warped as LISA MINOOLI
T'Kay Runwae as DIANA FLOSS
Joco without makeup as DRUNK OLD WOMAN
Rubes as OFFICER RUBES
The scene opens with Diana and Lisa being flung into a jail cell by Officer Rubes. The two women are in gorgeous disco costumes, but they're both badly torn and soiled. Diana has no wig on and Lisa has a scratch across her cheek.
Officer Rubes locks the jail cell door, sits at her desk and immediately falls asleep.
Diana crosses her arms.
DIANA: This is all your fault, bitch!
Lisa gasps and looks at her.
LISA: My fault? Who the hell do you think you are?
Lisa tackles Diana as they both start rolling around on the floor in another fight.
A drunk old woman who is also sleeping in the cell wakes up at the commotion.
OLD WOMAN: What the hell is going on?
Diana and Lisa ignore her. Lisa pulls out Diana's bra stuffing.
OLD WOMAN: Hey, hey. Stop it! Knock it off you two!
Diana manages to grab ahold of Lisa's ass and pulls out the tissues she had stuffed in her pants to make her booty look bigger.
The old lady sighs as she takes a flask out from under her bosom and throws the alcohol all over the girls. They stop fighting.
LISA: What the hell, old lady?
OLD WOMAN: I had to get you crazy bitches to stop somehow! Now, will one of you tell me what the fuck happened?
Lisa huffs as she sits down on the bench.
LISA: I'll tell you what happened! It all started 23 years ago when I was born-
OLD WOMAN: Not THAT, you dumb whore. I'm talking about how you two ended up HERE.
LISA: Oh, well why didn't you say so?
Diana rolls her eyes.
LISA: Anyways, it all started... well, like a few hours ago I guess.
The screen blurs as we have a flashback.
TWO HOURS AGO.
Lisa is at the club dancing up a storm with hot mens.
LISA (Narrating) : Well, you see. I'm the Queen of the Disco. I was at the club living my best life when THIS wannabe showed up!
Diana shows up but she has devil horns and red eyes as she laughs demonically.
Lisa gasps as Diana approaches her.
LISA: What are YOU doing here, Spice Girls reject?
Diana flips her hair.
DIANA: I'm the Queen of the party, honey. Thanks for warming up the dancefloor for me. Why don't you bow and exit stage left?
The other Queens in the background snap their fingers.
QUEENS: Uh-oh! It's a shade fest!
Lisa looks around as she snaps her fingers in Diana's face.
LISA: If you were a queen, you wouldn't be wearing a cheap wig, cheap clothes and cheap shoes. Well, you wouldn't be cheap in general but you can't relate to that, can you?
Diana gasps.
DIANA: Oh no you didn't, sister! Why don't you go collect tips somewhere where you're used to, the club bathroom!
LISA: At least I WILL be making money, bitch. At the end of the day, you'll still be living in your mom's basement, doing drag race review videos and trying to stay relevant by making an OnlyFans that NOBODY will subscribe to. Give it up sister, you'll never be able to out-shade me!
Lisa picks up a glass of vodka and throws it at Diana!
DIANA: Okay, that's it!
She runs and tackles Lisa, causing them both to crash into the bar as they start rolling around and fighting on the counter.
Lisa snatches Diana's wig and throws it into the crowd as Diana scratches Lisa's face with her acrylics, which Lisa proceeds to bite off!
LISA: I knew they were paste-on you broke BITCH!
Everyone cheers but after a while they start scattering as the police raid the building.
*END OF FLASHBACK*
*The scene goes back to the present*
LISA: And THAT is what happened!
DIANA: Hold it! That is so NOT what happened!
Diana pushes Lisa off the bench as she takes a seat.
DIANA: Here's what REALLY happened!
*Another flashback ensues*
TWO HOURS AGO. AGAIN.
DIANA (Narrating): I had just shown up to the club, fashionably late, of course, when I saw THIS bimbo already there!
Diana walks up to Lisa, who is dressed like a clown.
DIANA: I didn't know the circus was in town!
Lisa flips her hair.
LISA: Well would you look at what the roaches dragged in!
Diana glares at her.
DIANA: You just messed with the wrong chick, sister! Prepare to... BRING IT!
She snaps her fingers.
The music starts playing as everybody clears the dance floor. A group of queens get behind Diana and another group get behind Lisa as the dance-off begins.
DIANA:
LISA:
DIANA:
The girls do some more white girl dancing. Diana does a backflip and then lands in the splits. However, her shoe flies off her foot and the heel scratches Lisa across the cheek.
LISA: Okay, that's it!
Lisa runs over to Diana and snatches her wig, throwing it into the crowd, causing it to start crowdsurfing.
Diana takes off her other shoe and runs towards Lisa, tackling her as they both fall into the crowd.
The two girls fight and claw at each other while crowdsurfing. Suddenly, they're dropped onto the floor as the police raid the building. Officer Rubes arrests the girl.
*END OF FLASHBACK*
OLD WOMAN: Wait wait wait... hold up. I'm confused. Was it a shade-fest or a dance-off?
Lisa and Diana exchange glances.
BOTH: It was a little bit of both, really.
OLD WOMAN: Well then, what a night. Why do you two hate each other anyways?
Both girls sigh.
DIANA: Well, it all started 14 years ago-
OLD WOMAN: For fuck's sake... not another flashback. Just fucking tell me!
DIANA: Okay, geez. We used to be best friends until she stole my man!
LISA: I only stole your man because....
DIANA: Because WHAT?
LISA: ....because I was jealous... of him!
Diana and the old woman both gasp.
DIANA: Do you mean you....
Lisa nods. The old woman takes out another flask and takes a drink.
OLD WOMAN: That was so beautiful... I think I might cry. Well, what are you two waiting for! Get at it!
Diana runs and tackles Lisa again, but this time as they fall to the floor they start rolling around and making out!
The old woman looks at the camera.
OLD WOMAN: Awww, I love happy endings. They're still gonna get sued by the disco company, but in the end love is all that matters.
She winks at the camera as it fades to black.
