And I was JUST watching orange is the new black

http://imgur.com/aBhM6on

What did I do? WHAT DID I DO???? I'll tell ya alright, I'll tell ya. It was 1967, I was taking the J train up to manhattan, and this bozo takes one look at me and goes "hey yo ma, where you heading?" and because I was a bit of a explortatious I said "I ain't heading nowhere, but I'm here to give some head" and the bozo was like "well ok" and after doing some horizontal mambo shit, I got pregnant and the bozo was nowhere to be found. So I called up my cousin Mafio, and he gathered his brothers to go find the son of a bitch, and once they did, he turned out to be married! So like any other good christian would do..... I cut his dick off and inserted it into his anus. You know for a man who kept asking for anal, he definitely didn't like anal..... hypocrite am I right?

Anyways, I'm a lesbian now.

LMAO!?!?!? SLAYY ALLY SLAY!!!

RUNWAY: http://prntscr.com/7njie7

What did I do to get jail? Well, what ha happened was, after a long night of hooking, trade finally liked my session, but when I caught him taking money from my wallet, I decided to gut his ass and turn him into a glamazon bitch ready for the streets of Manhattan. In other words, I turned him into a prostitute to get him to earn back my money he stole.#

When we got onto the street corner, there was another hoe in my regular prostitution spot. So I did whatever any regular ghetto bitch would do, I grabbed my lucky knife out of my afro weave and stabbed the bitch a couple of hundred times and made my forced prostitute lick up all the blood. Coincidently, the po-po showed up just as my prostitute was sucking the blood as well as her dry vagina, so they arrested me for lying to a police officer (I said that he was my dog).

I am only in here for 38 hours after a little sweet talking with the judges and the cops *winks and licks fingers*. I've only been in here for an hour and I am already Queen Bitch and Queen Slut. All these woman want my pussy.

What did you do?
Well what had happened was i was flying in the glamazonian airways , going to africa to get some cocane and bring it in the USA.While i was in the plane i really needed to pee so i went to the bathroom.I was hiding the cocane in my panties so i had to put them on the flour while i was doing ma thing and when i got up i lost my footing and feel on the cocane on my knees.I got up and didn't notice my knees were white from the cocane.When i left the bathroom one of the passengers , a black fat woman looked at me and said "look at them ashy knees!".Surprisingly, one of the passengers was a police officer and asked me to come to him.He realised it was cocane and arested me in the plane. They found the cocane and i got put in jail for 10 years for trying to transport cocane.

http://imgur.com/vYnQXyL

What did I do? Let me tell you what I did... it was a normal Thursday night, I was working as a pizza delivery woman to make enough money to get my sister to stop selling her fat ass on the corner of the street. I had just gotten a call to deliver a large pepperoni to a really dodgy part of town. Turns out that I was delivering pizza to the mafia, once I got there they threatened to kill me unless I poisoned the pizza I brought and gave it to their rival gang. I had no other choice...so I drove to the other gang's headquarters and gave the pizza to their chief. He took a slice and well... he died. The other members of the gang decided to teach me a lesson.. they slit my throat, beat me up and caused bruises to form all over my body. Thankfully, I'm still alive... but I was arrested for first-degree murder. I'm happy to be alive... and I have a girlfriend called Big Bertha, we're getting married soon. And of course, there will be pizza at the ceremony *winks*

http://imgur.com/cTv01ay

What did I do? Ha! What didn't I do?
I call myself a problem fixer - whatever your problem is, I'll solve it. For a price of course. I can do assassinations, abortions, use some friendly advice (e.g. a gun to the head) to get you that dream job. But eventually, it all caught up with me.
I had a client come to me with a task I'd never had before. He was a gay man, and he and his partner desperately wanted a child, but they were finding it too hard to adopt. So, I got creative. I waited out in the park late one night, and with a rag and some chloroform, I kidnapped a passing prostitute. I then kidnapped a homeless man and, at gunpoint, forced them to engage in sexual relations. Nine months later, I sold my client the baby. I realised there was real money to be made in this, so I kidnapped more and more people, created more and more babies, and sold them to couples on the black market. Women were systematically impregnated, and gave birth so frequently some of them died, so I had to keep replacing them. It got out of control, and getting so carried away. I didn't clear up my trail. I was found, and my baby farm was shut down. Now I'm cooped up here, but I think it was worth it. I made a lot of people happy, even if I also made a lot of people dead...

http://m.imgur.com/So286bL,s7TdI0U
These chains can't hold this jailbait- I mean, jailbird, oops!

It sure stinks being in jail,i have a life sentence, but it was all worth it. So picture this, it was the eve of our very first honeymoon and my husband and i both agreed to come home early from work so we can spend the night together and wake up refreshed for out busy day of outings. That was when I got the voice message i wasn’t expecting.
“Hey babe so umm Jeff asked me if i could stay late and he said that id get paid over time so im gonna be a while. I err love ya.”

So you know i did what every good wife does. Trust my husband and just let him come home like he said he would. I took this time to go ahead and find him a supplemental gift for working so hard so i head out to the local Shopping center. Along the way I see my husband by in the passenger seat of a girl’s car with a Malibu barbie hair style and busted ass make up. so i went up to the bitch and knocked her ass out. and then i fucking raged at my husband who had seemed to have no remorse for his actions. At this point i was over it. I took the gas hose pour the gasoline in the car and lit a match and burned the man to death. and less than 20 ours later im in jail.
you know the old saying fool me once shame on you , cheat on me and you are dead!
I’m a good girl gone bad I suppose.

http://postimg.org/image/74sn8fda3/

Ive been in here longer then all these other whores. I was part of the stonewall riots back in 1969. Ill tell you what a time to be alive it was pure madness. There was drag queens and transgenderd people and gays and lesbians. Everyone under the gay spectrum was there. Now ill tell you exactly what happened for me to end up here. So me and my girl Polly Turtle were at the Stonewall inn when the police came. Now we were ready so when they broke down that door all hell broke lose. We were beating on the cops and they were beating on us. I used an old pair of heels and a shank and Polly had a baseball bat. We were having a time it felt like we were untouchable, we had finally made a stand and this is what the movement needed. Then just as fast it went up things went down, way down. We had moved out into the streets and more cops had shown up. I lost Polly in all the hustle and bustle. Then just as i was about to knock some pig out i saw Polly out of the corner of my eye get her baseball bat to the face, and let me tell you she went down quicker then a whore on Friday night. I let go of the cop I was beating and went over the guy who and hit Polly and took the end of my Heel and logged it in his eye. Then i hauled Polly Off into a side ally. I was able to get her to a hospital but it was too late. The cops caught up with me a day later and I got charged with murder. But hey you live and you learn, what most people cant say is that we were a part of history.

Runway: http://i.imgur.com/ZfyQzsI.png?1
At least  they let me keep my heels

Who's pussy throbbin?

Hasn't hurt this bad since the white party of 2008

I don't feel good so runway might be tomorrow

Get well soon! :)