1)HOCKEY--Tell your child that Daddy is a hockey player and that Mommy is the goalie and that sex is trying to score. The problem is that Daddy thinks he is Wayne Gretzky when he really is a blind immigrant skater who couldn't find the net if he tried and is ALWAYS hitting the post instead of finding the perfect spot of the net to shoot for. Of course, Daddy feels that Mommy is Dominic Hasek and is consistenly pitching shutouts.
2) BARBIE AND KEN--If Barbie doesn't take Ken to the rack every once in a while, she wouldn't get the Dream House, the Dream Corvette and she'd be stuck with that slut Skipper all the time.
3) GARDEN--Sex is like growing a garden. The soil has to be fertile and the seed has to be planted at just the right time. That doesn't explain why Daddy has to CONTINOUSLY PRACTICE PLOWING TECHNIQUES WITH THE BABYSITTER!!!
4) BANK--Sex is where Daddy goes to the bank of love to make a special deposit and finds that Mommy either has the NEXT TELLER PLEASE WINDOW UP or IS SERVICING EVERY ACCOUNT IN TOWN!!
5) OLD TV REFERENCE--Sex is like The Addams Family... Everyone is trying to bury Uncle Fester.
6)KIDS TV REFERENCE-- Sex is what Barney does when the camera is turned off and he's had such a great need to love everyone that he and BabyBop tear up the set.
7)ALCOHOL--Sex is where Mommy's vat is fermented until all of the ingredients are mixed in and Daddy becomes the BREWMASTER.
8)RELIGIOUS--Sex is donating to the missionary.
9)BASEBALL--Sex is where Daddy swings a big stick in hopes of getting a home run but he swings too early, pops up instead of going deep and is usually replaced by a battery propelled pinch hitter.
10) COOKING--Sex is where Daddy puts his hogleg in Mommy's kitchen, hoping that it'll go well with her eggs and she's not serving the entire town breakfast.
