But i dont want to kill myself because its a sin but i want to die sometimes i wish i would die in my sleep and ive tried to overdose but stopped in the proccess and i just wish someone would kill me and sometimes i feel the urge to run into a moving car and go infront of the tire so it would squish me dead and i realize its still suicide and it gives me anxiety sometimes i feel like a shooter would happen out of any moment and i think about it a lot but at the same time ive always think things would get better but they dont and they never get better so sometimes i feel like i just have to go to hell by suicide because theres no way i can do it suicide is my only option but i just cant do it so all i can do is cry and wish i could die from someone else and i hate my life right now and everything so i dont want to live theres no reason to go on because i think everything is useless and life is just stupid as fuck and un necessary and i just want to die but dont commit suicide but i know its considered suicide if i make myself vulnerable so i cant kill myself because its very bad and a sin but dying naturally is much more liked by god but what if god has a purpose for me and since he wants everyone to have a purpose i can survive and god kills people to end their suffering so maybe things can get better but i have to be patient and stop wishing death on myself because bad things keep happening and just try to make it better but as i say this i am losing hope because i havent had hope in so long i am just blank
sending love to you babe, i dont want you to die <3 i know feeling can be overwhelming at times and its ok to honour them we are emotional creature and thats something to be proud of. Sometimes i think when we go through the hard times it gives us the ability to really understand people more which means we can connect more too. Life is always going to bring hard times thats for everyone but if you can take it day by day and remember that life can bring the good times too, find joy in those times if you can love. It can be a beautiful place here and the fact that you are here is a beautiful thing. I wish you well keep pushing through if you can babe and if you ever need to chat im here even if we dont know each other very well xo girl you got this!
