For the past couple days, I was having a dandy time playing until I remembered what it felt like to be alone in a game. In my last casting, one of the players (whom I hold no ill feelings for) came at me with aggression when I was at a low point in the game already, as a nominee. I received a key, tried to lie as everyone else had done before, got called out, and unjustly bullied. In the end, I'm glad I was voted out as a martyr for empathy in this game.
When I was growing up, I was pretty popular and was never bullied. Being gay, you'd imagine that a lot of people hated me or called me fag or faggot but that was far from the case. I was very well liked and respected because of my inclusive nature. I always gave anyone a shot at friendship, no matter about things I may have heard about them. I like discovering the individual in everyone and I genuinely care about anyone that reciprocates empathy in that way. I've witnessed bullying many times in my life, but you will never catch me agreeing with a bully, or the way the situation was approached. This is just a website of games, enigmatic faces hidden behind screens, their fear only heard by those who will truly listen. Life is not a game.
Many of the people in my casting probably think that I caused drama and that they were smart for taking me out. They were definitely smart, but they also gave into an online entity of peer pressure that lingers so powerfully here, it is nearly despicable. Many of us on here are grown adults. We should not be bullying each other to sacrifice our own morals. We should be working together and congratulating and encouraging those who struggle. There are so many people out there that hate themselves and cyberbullying is still such a prevalent issue, so I hate seeing it performed by adults who should damn well know better.
You may be thinking that I'm a sore loser right now. But that's far from it! I'm glad I was rid of that toxic environment. In retrospect, I'm mad at myself for lying which put my integrity in question, but I'm even more mad that I couldn't be there before for all those forgotten faces behind the screens.
I'm not excited, but more content with my decision to leave Tengaged after my brief return. I had so many things I wanted to do and I wanted to finally reach the next color. As such a huge fan of shows like Big Brother and Survivor, it has been an honor to play with those of you who didn't treat me like a vulnerable target for your selfish wrath. I wish good luck to all the people I have built bonds with and I hope you everything you've ever wanted in life!
I'm not just some 19 year old behind a screen, I am Chaz, a face, a mind, a human being, that matters, and so do you. For my final time, Chazdrak, signing off.
