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Zuelke
15

[S2] Mama Zu's Find My New League Main Ep. 3

2 Zuelke, Dec 7, 2019

(I DID NOT COME UP WITH THIS.  I STOLE THIS IDEA FROM DONAAM)
if i call your name, please step forward:
ashe
yorick
irelia
kayle
heimerdinger
zilean
ashe (victory): my support an i snapped so hard that i finished my item at 9 minutes!  i usually never do that because i have such a hard time csing.
yorick (defeat): i was doing, like, ok...but i died so many times that i just gave up and started split pushing top the rest of the game until i got ganked and died.  over and over.  also our mid dced so it was very disheartening!
irelia (victory):  me oh my, i snapped this game!  i was killing the enemy garen over and over again, while also csing very well!  it's very hard to mess up one's CS with irelia, after all.
kayle (defeat):  just like yorick's game, we had a DC so it was basically 4v5 the entire game.  even still, i was taking a lot of fights that i slimly lost to miss gnar that i wouldve won if i took conqueror instead of lethal tempo.  the game was just hopeless altogether.  from now on i think im gonna redo games with DCs, bc in normals it seems like they are inevitable!
heimerdinger (defeat): i did the most damage on my team, but i still inted a lot and we ended up losing.  unlike irelia, heimerdinger is a champion that i dont cs well with despite the fact that they're supposed to be good at it.  i cant seem to land his skillshots reliably either.  ugh!
zilean (victory): i went glacial augment this game and i finally had fun on this champion for once!  i felt like i had a clearer understanding of how to use his combos.  like for example, i stopped using my e to slow enemies, but instead to speed me up so i start using my q and auto attacks to cc enemies instead.  the only thing i have a problem with in general with him now is his character model is so fuckin ug.  i WILL be popping a purch on the sugar rush zilean skin the second it comes out.
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i have made my decision.
zilean, you're safe.
irelia, you dashed circles around your foes this week.  congratulations, my dear, you are the WINNER of this week's challenge!
ashe, this week, you proved exactly why they call you war mother...
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congratulations, my dear, you are ALSO the winner of this week's challenge.  you two may join the other champions.
heimerdinger, it goes without saying this point.  you're in the bottom 2.
kayle, yorick, both of you had a DC in your games.  i know now that it is basically impossible to win said games.  however... that doesnt excuse your poor performances in your respective games.  while i do acknowledge you were at a disadvantage, i doubt either of you would have won either of your games had the missing teammate not DCed.
with that said, yorick...
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you're safe.
kayle, im sorry my dear, but you are up for elimination.
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two champions stand before me.  heimerdinger, kayle, this is..

Zuelke
22

[S2] Mama Zu's Find My New League Main Ep. 2

3 Zuelke, Dec 2, 2019

(I DID NOT COME UP WITH THIS.  I STOLE THIS IDEA FROM DONAAM)
if i call your name please step forward
kindred
lissandra
heimerdinger
zilean
kayle
soraka
you 6 are the tops and bottoms of the week.  the rest of you are safe.
kindred (defeat):  darius accidentally stole my red with his bleed and i just snowballed into disarray from there.  i just cannot seem to make kindred work, i dont like jungle in season 10 now as it is very reliant on dragon control which is my weak point.
lissandra (defeat): all of my lanes were inting including moi, i just got so frustrated being behind the whole time that i just engaged over and over again and died til my team finally agreed to surrender.
heimerdinger (defeat):  i was FORCED to play adc even tho i wanted support so i was just like yolo and picked heimerdinger, and then i got flamed by the enemy senna bc she hates heimerdinger adcs so much and ngl i kinda thrived off of her being so mad but we lost.  i had like half her cs by the end of the game
zilean (victory):  ofc senna is in every botlane that i ever play and fortunately she was on my side this go round.  she would hit a w and then i would follow up with my stun and we won!  miss zilean kinda shocked me with her performance this round, excellent work.
soraka (victory):  my supportfulness snapped!  i had 16 assists, 53% kp and not a single kill stolen by miss zu!  soraka is really showing out as an iconic support.
kayle (victory): i panicked and made a last second switch to conqueror instead of lethal tempo, and i think that alone is what allowed me to steamroll this game.  i went 8/0 and the enemy team surrendered at 15 minutes.  kayle is supposed to be a late game champion and yet she ends the game faster than any of her 11 competitors?  that speaks volumes!
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i have made my decision
zilean, you're safe.
soraka....
you're safe.
kayle, it is merely week 2 and you have already ascended to the highest peak among your foes.  condragulations, you are the winner of this week's challenge!  you're safe.
heimerdinger, your decision to play adc this round was miscalculated.  im sorry, my dear, but you are up for elimination.
kindred... your inability to even secure your own red buff from your allies is simply uncharacteristic of mama zu's next league main.  im sorry, my dears but you are also up for elimination.
WAKE UP lissandra.  you're safe.
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three champions stand before me.  heimerdinger, kindred, you fed yourselves into the bottom once again.  this is your last chance to impress me and save your nexus from explosion.  good luck, and don't fuck it up!

*lamb and wolf do the floss in unison*
*heimerdinger throws off his wig and reveals a giant trumpet on his head as the beat drops*
mama zu:  OH.  MY.  GOD.
kayle (cf): i knew heimer was hiding something under that wig...
alright!  i have made my..

Zuelke
14

[S2] Mama Zu's Find My New League Main..

3 Zuelke, Nov 30, 2019

(I DID NOT COME UP WITH THIS.  I STOLE THIS IDEA FROM DONAAM)
last episode, the ability-focused champions of mama zu's season 2 duked it out for control of banshee's veil, and for part 2 of the 2 part season premiere, the attacker champions will vie for the edge of night!  who will get a powerful EDGE in the competition?  and who will have to fight to survive on the edge of glory? 
*sion, irelia, kindred, kayle, ashe, teemo, and yorick enter the stage*
anyway onto the critiques
sion (defeat): oh jesus i did baaad this game... it was so embarrassing.  i laned against a teemo so u can imagine how that goes.  i mean according to op.gg our twitch jungle was the best on our team, but every single lane lost and he had no pressure anywhere.  this was simply a pathetic loss!
irelia (victory): versing zed was obnoxious but it's hard to mess irelia up!  she CSs so well that u still get items and stuff even if u feed a lil so u can keep up.  and then we like, won!
kindred (defeat): i dont think this loss was completely my fault, but i focused too much on farming instead of ganking or objective control.  even still, how does a yuumi support do more damage than top, mid, AND bot?  like im sorry but...girl.
kayle (victory): idk if the kayle mini rework or w.e made her a little better early or something but renekton just let me farm all game.  like i probably wouldve lost hard if renekton just harrassed me out hard, cuz i wasnt even doing spectacularly.  also my other lanes were winning so yeah.
ashe (victory): i got filled support so i went arcane comet ashe with spectral sickle and i just have to say...wow.  how is this not meta already?  i mean bitches be acting like senna is the first support marksman but ashe has been here since day 1.  she is just so good.
teemo (victory): i got MVP this game.  like i honestly forgot how good i am with miss 'mo... his playstyle is simple, just be a fucking relentless cunt bitch all game.  i got so fed that i one-shot pantheon once with my q... excellent work.
yorick (victory):  ok so we won, but this game was annoying because everyone was focused on killing the enemy team over and over again instead of just ending the game.  literally we couldve ended at 23 minutes and it lasted for 47.  it just wasnt necessary.  like i get yaw wanna have fun or whatnot but wtf are we waiting for?  are we letting vayne finish her last item cuz yolo?  are we trying to get malphite's frozen fist proc big enough to slow everything on the map?  like girl... but ya my team focused up and we ended it once and for all!
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alright, i have made my decision.
many of you did well, but one of you stuck out as a major contender.  teemo, your performance in this week's challenge was SICKENING!  congratulations, you are the winner of this week's challenge!  you will receive the edge of night, a gorgeous garment that also doubles as an advantage in this competition, courtesy of haus of gaga.
sion,..

Zuelke
50

[S2] Mama Zu's Find My New League Main..

4 Zuelke, Nov 26, 2019

(I DID NOT COME UP WITH THIS.  I STOLE THIS IDEA FROM DONAAM)
*swain, ivern, heimerdinger, soraka, zilean, and janna enter the workroom*
mama zu: hello, hello, hello, my sassy seven!  as you can tell, some of your sisters are missing... that is because one of you will be eliminated before you can meet them!  it's time for the two part premiere of mama zu's find my new league main, season 2!
for this week's challenge im bringing in special guest judge, lady gaga!  now, onto the critiques.
swain (victory) - so i didnt know swain was a support now, it's been a while since ive played him at all.  by golly he is very good at supporting!  and by supporting i mean dragging a useless adc to the finish line.
ivern (victory) - i had a slow start but i started to set up so many kills for my team and we just steamrolled with objectives and won teamfights!  no one could get passed miss daisy.
heimerdinger (defeat) - i had a good start however i was laning against a ryze and that in itself was just impossible.  he is SO broken!  also, my bot lane was flaming the jungler into throwing the game.  the kindred adc on our team literally sat under turret to complain about the hecarim building a recurve bow and the enemy team just dove her and killed her.  sad!
soraka (victory) - i thought the soraka/senna botlane would be redundant with how much sustain we had, but my senna fucking SNAPPED!  we were such an unstoppable force, and senna ended up getting a pentakill before they surrendered 5-0.  queens!
gaga:
zilean (victory) - idk how we won.  i hardly landed any poke and i was playing with a kalista with the screen name N***** NAZI so i thought we were doomed.  somehow we pulled through in the end cuz zilean is just a walking broken ultimate, but he wasnt fun to play from behind.
lissandra (victory) - in short, i faced a tilted yasuo who just started running into me and dying over and over after dying once.  i built a mejai's and my team and i steamrolled our way to victory!
janna (defeat) - i played this game horrificly.  i think i was in too much of an ARAM mindset and i made a lot of silly mistakes.  specifically i did a poke build when my Qs are very predictable and so the game was simply a mess.  not to mention we had three bruisers and that in itself is just...anyway.
i have made my decision.
ivern, you're safe.
lissandra, you're safe.
soraka, you were an absolute STAR this week.  condragulations, my dear, you are the winner of this week's challenge.  as the winner of this challenge, you will get a special gaga gift: a banshee's veil!  you don't know what this does yet, but it will give you a significant advantage in the competition.
swain, you're safe.
zilean, you are clearly well past your prime, old man.  but alas...you're safe.
that means heimerdinger, janna, im sorry my dears but you are UP for elimination.
two champions stand before me. ..

Zuelke
47

[S2] Mama Zu's Find My New League Main Ep. 0

4 Zuelke, Nov 25, 2019

(I DID NOT COME UP WITH THIS.  I STOLE THIS IDEA FROM DONAAM)
this holiday season, mama zu's find my new league main RETURNS.
14 new queens will vie to become mama zu's next league of legends main.  which of these champions will join jinx, illaoi, evelynn, sona, and season 1 winner xayah as my next mastery 7 champion? 
the cast:
ashe
heimerdinger
irelia
ivern
janna
kayle
kindred
lissandra
sion
soraka
swain
teemo
yorick
zilean
#league
absol
sharonmaitems
littlemix
peace123
dracarys
iybf
chibideidara
seongwoo
whoa
mrbird
venice
chart: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/132B2ywNCKpTtohFF8cU3HfvrVPP11YY0QUPHy0zbLXA
PYN if you'd like to tune in to season 2!

camell22
15

MY First win in TFT

5 camell22, Sep 29, 2019

#League
if you wanna add lmk
Party:
Lissandra
Jinx
Evelynn
Blitzcrank
Varus
Zed
Miss Fortune

Zuelke
35

Mama Zu's Find My New League Main Ep. 13

7 Zuelke, Jul 28, 2019

I DID NOT COME UP WITH THIS.  I STOLE THIS IDEA FROM DONAAM.
welcome to the finale!  at the start of this season, 14 champions began the journey to become the winner of mama zu's find my new league main, and now we are down to 3.  either brand, the burning vengeance, neeko, the curious chameleon, or xayah, the rebel, will become my next league main.  but before one of them can be crowned, let;s take a look back at the champions who were cut short...
IN MEMORIAM
~ 14th place: karma
the original WOC in league, i was excited to see how she would do this season.  her time, however, was cut short as in the first challenge it seemed that her poke was unreliable to hit and shielding unextraordinary, thus giving her first boot.
~ 13th place: bard
bard had a promising start, being just a few points shy of winning the first challenge of the season.  in the second week, however, he proved to struggle when behind, especially when the adc has now idea how bard works.  he landed in the bottom 2 versus lux, and i had to boot the champion that, in the short time theyve been there, showed less potential to improve, thus making him the second boot.
~ 12th place: sivir
tho many of the viewers touted her as the most OP adc, the only appeal i got from playing her was tossing pizzas.  and when playing the most broken adc in the meta and yet still performing less than spectacular, it leaves one no other choice but to face the consequences of their actions.  as such, sivir landed third boot of the season.
~ 11th place: fizz
tho he was fun to play even in a losing situation, his mechanics seemed too challenging to master in the span of the competition, so when the playful trickster landed in the bottom 2 versus neeko, he had to be the fourth boot.
~ 10th place: zoe
yet again, another crazy fun mid laner who excels even while playing from behind.  tho her kit was fun to play around with, she proved to be ineffective at carrying, and got curbstomped in the challenge by an ahri main, thus landing her as the fifth boot.
~ 9th place: taliyah
i was honestly a bit shocked to see her go here.  see, id spent a lot of time prior to this competition perfecting her skill shots, which are essential to playing her effectively.  and since i had done that, it seemed like a no brainer that she would do very well.  but in comparison to her other competitors, she was still lackluster and ultimately was replaced by then-eliminated contestant lux, landing her as the sixth boot.
~ 8th place: lux
by far the messiest contestant this season.  just as easily as lux would win a challenge, she would land in the bottom 2 immediately after, back and forth until she was eliminated in 9th.  she got a second chance in the guardian angel challenge, but ultimately couldnt redeem herself and was revolving doored as the seventh boot.
~ 7th place: twitch
he was an early contender for the win, placing high or win in most of the early challenges.  but from..

Zuelke
29

Mama Zu's Find My New League Main Ep. 12

6 Zuelke, Jul 26, 2019

I DID NOT COME UP WITH THIS.  I STOLE THIS IDEA FROM DONAAM.
~
congratulations to my top 4!  unfortunately, there are only 3 spots available to move on to the finale, so without any further ado, onto the critiques.
neeko (defeat):  i took her support again and i did relatively great, but the enemy rengar was a problem and continues to be a problem in literally every game im with or against.
brand (victory):  i was doing good but our yi and zed snapped so hard that the enemy team surrendered, so it was an easy v for us!
warwick (defeat):  so somebody named Corn Guy got mid and he said he wanted yi, but i didnt see it so i banned him and he flamed me and took smite.  i switched to ignite last minute so i could go lane warwick, and nasus switched with me so i could go top.  needless to say, he just trolled and inted the whole time and it cost us the game.  but i did apologize cuz i literally just didn't see.
xayah (victory):  so get this... Corn Guy?  i got him in my game AGAIN.  but i was just like heyyyy girl and he was chill.  he still trolled but i literally C A R R I E D my team to victory.  it was so trill.
~
i have made my decision.
xayah, you carried your team on the back of your wings...
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conDRAGulations, my dear, for the fourth time this season you are the winner of this week's challenge.
brand, you're safe.
that means neeko, warwick, im sorry my dears but you are up for elimination.
~
two champions stand before me.  neeko, warwick, this is your last chance to impress me and save your nexus from explosion.  good luck, and don't fuck it up!
lipsync: legends never die

"legends never...
*neeko and warwick vault into the air in unison and do a split*
"...DIIIIIE!"
*the judges' panel gasps*
BRAVISSIMO!  well done!!
i have made my decision.
neeko, shantay you stay.
warwick, you have been a real surprise for me this season.  i remember week 1 how close i was to sending your ass home bc i already made up my mind that i didnt like playing you, but luckily you got the victory.  now here you are, never once lipsyncing until the final 4 and finishing in 4th place.  you hunted relentlessly for the crown, and i am utterly astonished and proud of you.  keep thirsting for blood and for greatness.  now, sashay away.
3 champions remain.
tomorrow, a winner will be crowned.  who will it be?  brand, the burning vengeance?  neeko, the curious chameleon?  or xayah, the rebel?
in the mean time, please vote for which of the previously eliminated champions you want to win LEGEND OF THE SEASON!  (aka fan favorite).  send me a vote via tengaged mail!  you get THREE VOTES, and you can divide them up however you like between each champion.  if i only get one name from you i will assume you want all three of your votes on that champion.  here are the candidates for..

Zuelke
0

Mama Zu's Find My New League Main Ep. 11

2 Zuelke, Jul 26, 2019

I DID NOT COME UP WITH THIS.  I STOLE THIS IDEA FROM DONAAM.
~
we're down to the final 5, so just like last week, none of you are safe!
rakan (defeat):  i thought i was doing okay, but we were going against a varus and when he would shoot a piercing arrow toward my adc i would instinctively e to them and then we'd just both take damage.  also my team was garb, there was no one to peel for cuz they all sucked!
brand (defeat):  another game with an uncarryable team.  i actually took brand mid this game which was fine and dandy, but we were facing a fed irelia and you know how that goes!
xayah (victory):  i got a rakan sup and wow, what a snap!  our team had a lot of in-fighting but rakan and i gave them a chill pill and we also squadded up and ended the game.
warwick (defeat):  i spent way too much time this game babysitting lanes for people i couldnt gank successfully instead of farming.  i kept getting spam pings for help from my AP shen mid and it really fucked with my mental!  plus we were versing a duo and a trio and im pretty sure none of my teammates were in a premade.
neeko (victory):  just like brand i did a little switcheroo with their preferred lane and took her sup, and neeko snaps just as hard!  i also for the first time ever in my 2 years of playing built hextech glp and it rly snaps with glacial augment honey.  i was somehow outlaning a draven, which literally never happens.
~
i have made my decision.
neeko, you have proven you are a strong tomato this week!  you're safe.
xayah, the queen of quills, once again you soared above the competition this week.  condragulations, you are the winner of this week's challenge.
rakan, though you won with flying colors when playing with xayah, your individual performance was nothing to peacock over.  im sorry my dear, but you are up for elimination.
brand, you did well for your first time laning alone in this competition, but you failed to build enough of a lead to carry your team.  warwick, although you had good intentions trying to help your teammates, you wasted precious time ganking lanes in vain, and there simply is no time left in this competition for poor performances.  warwick...
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you're safe.  that means brand, im sorry my dear but you are up for elimination.
~
two champions stand before me.  brand, rakan, this is your last chance to impress me and to save your nexus from explosion.  good luck, and don't fuck it up!
lipsync: mortal reminder

*brand rocks out on an air guitar and stomps the ground*
*rakan flicks his tongue*
wow!  very metal.
~
i have made my decision.
brand, shantay you stay.  you may join the other champions.
rakan, this may be the end of the road for you, but you are unequivocally still the sexiest bird on the rift!  don't cut me xayah!  now,..

Zuelke
24

Mama Zu's Find My New League Main Ep. 10

5 Zuelke, Jul 25, 2019

I DID NOT COME UP WITH THIS.  I STOLE THIS IDEA FROM DONAAM.
guest judging with me this week is my top champion.  with mastery 7 and over 200,000 mastery points, give it up for the kinky queen, evelynn!
*evelynn appears out of thin air*
evelynn:  "my pleasure, your pain!"
~
we're down to the final 6, so from here on out no one will be safe!  now, onto the critiques.
neeko (victory):  the enemy jg dced so every one of my lanes had free reign to shove in and harass our lane opponent.  miss ezreal mid got a face full of pop blossoms, lemme tell ya!
evelynn:  "you really made ezreal hurt.  i like that."
rakan (defeat): this game was over from the start.  my bot laner went smite ryze bc mid and jg wouldnt switch roles with him.  and our team comp sucked ass, everyone was melee except for our troll ryze.  we were obliterated.
brand (defeat):  i mean i had 24 kills all game, 4 of which being a quadra kill, and 16 assists.  and i was full build by the end of the game.  so im starting to wonder if im depriving my teammates of gold by a playing a full AP support, bc the rest of my team literally sucked ass.  im starting to think maybe i should play him mid.
evelynn:  "i dont know what mama zu is talking about.  kills are the only thing that matters, in my opinion.  you turned the rift into a sea of torment!  that alone should give you the win."
ornn (defeat):  i felt like i wasnt doing any damage, and i was off the map a lot cuz i died plenty of times.  but when i looked back at the damage i did more than our mid, bot, and sup... still, i think i was playing too aggressive and shoving in too much.
xayah (victory):  me and my alistar sup were NNNNASTY in that bottom lane!  miss jhin and miss fiddlesticks were shook!  this was the quickest xayah game i think ive played. 
warwick (victory):  i was doing pretty bad early on, diving into ahri and being charmed under a turret and stuff.  but my team was chill and carried me nonetheless!  not to toot my own horn, i also did some pristine ultwork myself, flanking and ulting into the enemy backline during a team fight.
~
i have made my decision.
neeko, you're safe.
xayah, victory takes patience and time...and lots of feather daggers!  congradulations, you are the winner of this week's challenge.
warwick, you're safe.
ornn, for someone who considers himself the forge god, you've been crafting nothing but defeats.  im sorry, my dear, but you are up for elimination.
rakan, your game was over from the start, but you failed to inspire your team to persevere despite the odds.  brand, you were a killing machine this week, but as a support you failed to let your teammates shine.
rakan...
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im sorry my dear, but you are up for elimination.  brand, you are safe.
~
two champions stand before me.  prior to tonight you were asked to prepare a lipsync to..

Zuelke
28

Mama Zu's Find My New League Main Ep. 9

3 Zuelke, Jul 24, 2019

I DID NOT COME UP WITH THIS.  I STOLE THIS IDEA FROM DONAAM.
~
if i call your name, please step forward.
neeko.
you're safe.  the rest of you represent the tops and bottoms of the week.
~
rakan (defeat):  i queued up for jg but i had to switch with sup bc he had no sups and panic-locked lee sin. he was in a premade with the botlaner and they both thanked me for switching with him, and me and the tristana snagged so many kills!  she called me the best support she has ever had in a game, and i was like uwu.  but we still lost bc mid versed ryze who is so fucking broken now and top fed...kayle?  somehow?   i will never understand how ppl lose to kayle lvl 1 but ok.
warwick (victory):  ganked, farmed, snagged rift herald and ended the game in only 21 minutes.  if there's one thing i love about warwick, it's that he can end the game before it even starts.  this must be why he falls off late game, bc he is so strong early... this game was a RADIANT SUCCESS.
ornn (defeat):  this game i versed a ryze and i had a twitch jg who never ganked and had no idea how to play the game in general.  we did have a fed botlane but the complete lack of jg presence screwed us.  when im versing a ryze, it's literally impossible to harass or farm at all, and i cant set up kills for my team either cuz most of the enemy team is fed.  it's just ugh!
brand (victory):  this was the most intense game ive ever played in my life.  almost everyone in the game besides me had either a dash, a speed up, a teleport, a leap... the fights were straight out of an avengers movie.  i wish i recorded it!  most iconicly of all tho, i set up a lot of kills for my team without actually taking them myself, which is important as sup.  and then we won so yeah!
xayah (victory):  even though my sona sup levonini was complete balls i still clapped the game with the best kda and 3rd highest damage.  THIS is what im looking for in my next league Main: a champion that i can do well with despite how well the rest of my team performs.  my teammates were good, but my point still remains.  i felt like how well i did was not due to me getting carried on my sup's back.
twitch (defeat):  where i feel i can carry with xayah despite how well my sup is doing, twitch is the complete opposite.  having a good sup is an automatic win, but when i dont, i do no damage whatsoever.  twitch is excruciating to play from behind bc it feels like he can never catch up, even tho he's a late game carry.
~
i have made my decision.
xayah, you proved this week that you're an absolute gangster.  can i call you big bird?  you're safe.
warwick, from the depths of irrelevancy you leapt into the limelight this week and really put your name on the scoreboard.  condragulations, my dear, you are the winner of this week's challenge.
brand, you're safe.
rakan...
you're safe.
ornn, twitch, you both have something in common, and it's that you both have..

Zuelke
15

Mama Zu's Find My New League Main Ep. 8

2 Zuelke, Jul 23, 2019

I DID NOT COME UP WITH THIS.  I STOLE THIS IDEA FROM DONAAM.
if i call your name, please step forward.
lux.
neeko.
warwick.
xayah.
rakan.
brand.
you 6 represent the tops and bottoms of the week.  ornn and twitch, you are safe.
lux (defeat): again, i made the mistake of taking her supp bc i was confident in my ability to carry with her, but it's hard to do damage when im bum rushing a sightstone.  the fact of the matter is is that i cant really carry with her in the bot lane, which is really impractical bc the majority of the time im going to be filled sup.  im looking for my next league Main here, and if im just gonna be stuck playing her sup, how impactful is she going to be?
neeko (defeat):  i think i did particularly well.  i outplayed my katarina and had a really huge gold lead in kills.  just like the lux game i was the best player on my team but simply not good enough with the champion to carry my team, even tho my kda was 8 and i did the most damage in the game.
warwick (defeat):  i didn't think i was doing that great but i played very aggro early game and got some takedowns.  i feel like the game couldve gone in either direction but the mordekaiser flamed us bc people would follow me into bad fights and he pushed top while the enemy stormed our base.  really mature teams i get!
xayah (victory):  so i took doran's shield cuz i didnt trust my lux sup and caitlyn counters me ig, but i was still doing huge damage and cutting bitches to ribbons at like level 3.  they surrendered early and i got a perfect kda!  or should i say, k d YAY!
rakan (victory):  besides one time where i accidentally brought the jg into the bush where xayah was recalling and got us both killed, we were such a force.  it's one thing to pick xayah and rakan but it's another to pick them and be completely in sync.  and the xayah didnt flame me and start inting after i got her killed either which is i-CONIC!
brand (victory):  it's like this game was over before it even started!  we got a double kill at level 2 and we just snowballed from there.  my w's were doing half the bitch's health bars.  the enemy team was so tilted they practically just ran into us and surrendered at 15.  https://i.ibb.co/r4rYFdM/769-DD565-4-CCA-4-FED-ABBC-4-EFB7927-F711.jpg
i've made my decision.
brand, you tilted the enemy team so well that they did the flaming for you.  you're safe.
xayah, rakan, you both performed superbly this week.  one of you is the winner of this week's challenge, and that person is...
.
.
.
.
.
.
condragulations, rakan, you are the winner of this week's challenge!  xayah, you're safe.
lux, all eyes were on you this week to prove that you deserved to be here, and yet your performance was lackluster.  im sorry, my dear, but you are up for elimination.
neeko, warwick, both of you performed excellently, but so did almost everyone.  we're getting down to the nitty gritty here, and being second best won't cut it...

Zuelke
0

Mama Zu's Find My New League Main Ep. 7

2 Zuelke, Jul 22, 2019

I DID NOT COME UP WITH THIS.  I STOLE THIS IDEA FROM DONAAM.
if i call your name, please step forward.
taliyah.
warwick.
twitch.
neeko.
xayah.
ornn.
you 6 represent the tops and bottoms of the week.  rakan, brand, you are both safe.
taliyah (defeat):  idk how we lost!  i was too tired to remember. but when i looked back at the game on op.gg i had built two liandry's torments, so i guess i was not in my right mind!
warwick (defeat):  i was doing pretty well but a couple ppl on my team were first-timing the champion they were playing so it was kinda tuff!  we didnt really have a reliable backline.
twitch (victory):  i was carried by my leona main support.  i feel like im rly good at capitalizing on the pressure my sup puts on the enemy sup and bot.  but i mean im also kinda good at last-hitting a vayne that tumbles into the turret just to finish you off, so im a multi-faceted talent i suppose.
neeko (victory):  what an oof for the enemy team.  they surrendered at 15, and it didnt feel satisfying at all.  it just made me feel dirty.  i feel like im abusing a broken champion.  but i'll take my 8/1 victory i guess...
xayah (defeat):  it sucks we lost cuz my sup picked rakan so i had high hopes.  but he kept playing so aggressive and i would just die cuz he wouldnt peel for me.  like he legit was maxing his e last and building ap items.  idk, i just feel like if ur gonna ancient coin then u dont have to dive into the braum support at level 1, but i be doing the same thing with rakan so whatevsies.
ornn (victory):  i was relegated to support and i didnt feel like dodging to play top.  i was kinda worried but wow, i focking snapped luv!  i feel like ornn has that edge in lane being an off-meta sup, cuz the enemy team either underestimates ur power and fucks up or they are intimidated bc theyve never seen ornn sup before and so they cower in fear.
neeko, once again you utterly obliterated your foes.  congradulations you are the winner of this week's challenge.  now get out of my sight, you disgust me.
ornn, you're safe.
twitch, you're safe.
warwick, im concerned that we are at the halfway point of this competition and you have yet to have a truly exemplary performance in a challenge.  it seems to me despite how well you do, you are incapable of carrying your lead into the late game.  and as we approach the late game of this competition, im peeling my eyes even harder as i look for individuals who i think truly have a shot at becoming my next Main, and i frankly dont see that being you.  so with that said, you're safe.
that means you, taliyah, and you, xayah, are in the bottom 2 this week.
two champions stand before me- *record scratch*
oh, i completely forgot... as i said last episode, there was a champion who built a guardian angel, exempting them from elimination, but i forgot who it was.   so since i couldnt figure it out, i had the eliminated champions contest for it.  that's right; ..

Zuelke
27

Mama Zu's Find My New League Main Ep. 6

3 Zuelke, Jul 21, 2019

I DID NOT COME UP WITH THIS.  I STOLE THIS IDEA FROM DONAAM.
if i call your name, please step forward
ornn.
warwick,
neeko.
lux.
twitch.
xayah.
you 6 represent the tops and the bottoms of the week.  the rest of you are safe and may leave the stage.
ornn (victory): i was feeding tryndamere all game but i got carried by my superior everyone else.  jinx died once to tryndamere and was like "ugh if ornn didnt feed i'd have an S."  im like honey im having a bad game in a normals, take a chill pill.  i got my revenge by not upgrading her infinity edge.  NEVER disrespect miss ornn of house freljord.
warwick (defeat): i just honestly dont understand how people can throw such a lead.   like we had 6000 more gold than them, i pressed such a hard advantage and then my team went and threw it all away and surrendered.  i couldnt do any damage bc i built tank bc i thought my team was fed enough to do damage.  i mean they probably could do damage but we would never know that bc they ran into them and died without doing anything.
neeko (victory):  once again i snnnnnapped!  same story, different cast; people just run into me when i disguise myself as someone on my team who's literally DEAD.  like, girls, use context clues.  but also, don't, cuz i want to win.
lux (defeat): um so i was filled support and i had no choice but to play lux even tho i swore i wouldnt play her support unless forced, and what happened?  i flopped.  against a yorick x mordekaiser bot lane.  but one good thing did come out of it, when i got my ice form and started to recall i learned that lux says "let's get the HAIL out of here!"  ...queen??
twitch (defeat):  im not even gonna speak on my twitch gameplay bc it was exemplary as per usual.  i just need to rant about how people go into a normal expecting to play fuckin mordekaiser or udyr or qiyana and have the win handed to them on a silver platter.  that's not how it fucking works.  im so sick of getting matched with people who give up the moment theyre in a losing situation.  i cant do anything with crybaby teammates.  boohoo, im not having fun, let me ruin this for everyone else on my team?? excuse me?
xayah (victory): someone finally picked rakan with me!!  yay!  but they were also kinda bad with him!  also we had to face a monstrously fed irelia who did 73,000 damage but zed carried us and we won!  the only reason they lost is cuz irelia kept targeting me in teamfights.  haha CUNT!
i have made my decision.
neeko, your performance this week was inherently glamorous... condragulations, you are the winner of this week's challenge.
xayah, you're safe.
ornn, you're safe.
lux, your impact this week was very...dim.  im sorry my dear but you are up for elimination.
warwick... you're safe.
that means twitch, im sorry my dear, but you are also up for elimination.
two champions stand before me.  lux, twitch, this is your last chance to impress me and save your..

Zuelke
28

Mama Zu's Find My New League Main Ep. 5

3 Zuelke, Jul 20, 2019

I DID NOT COME UP WITH THIS.  I STOLE THIS IDEA FROM DONAAM.
if i call your name, please step forward
lux.
brand.
rakan.
ornn.
you 4 are safe and may leave the stage.  the rest of you represent the tops and bottoms of the week.
twitch (defeat):  so i had a toxic support who called me garbage all game and i was getting fucked by a xayah/rakan and went 0/11.  like i literally got a D.  so.
taliyah (victory): me and my girls riven, elise, and kayle were being mentally abused by our toxic heteronormative partiarchal garen but he put his big boy britches on and focused and we all outscaled the enemy team.
neeko (victory): ugh, i snapped once again this game.  fortunately my team was good too.  bitches were flashing to kill me thinking i was a 10 health xayah and then id ult and kill them.  i feel like im the only neeko player in bronze who uses her passive.
warwick (defeat): i put so much pressure on every lane and was getting kills at 3 minutes.  but i can only carry a kai'sa who doesn't know not to last hit ur red buff and a full AP qiyana so, so far.
zoe (defeat):  literally this game was complete torture.  i was laning against ahri and she would not let me get dark harvest stacks, she wouldnt let me get my spell shard thingies, she wouldnt let me fucking exist.  i was already playing this game in a bad mood and i was fucking irate.
xayah (defeat): ok i said last game was complete torture but this one's right up there.  first of all our gnar kept dcing and was sitting at 2400 ping.  secondly, morgana and jinx would chain cc me to death over and over again and lux would just sit there missing qs.  ive come to the conclusion that lux is literally the most low impact support in the game and im just not going to play her support anymore unless im filled.  bc this one was garbo.
i have made my decision.
taliyah, this week you snatched my stone-weave.  condragulations you are the winner of this week's challenge.
neeko, you're safe.
warwick, you're safe.
zoe, once again when put to the test, you portal jump into defeat.  im sorry my dear but you are up for elimination.
twitch, your gameplay this challenge was...stinky.  im sorry my dear but you are also up for elimination.
that means, xayah, you're safe.
two champions stand before me.  twitch, zoe, this is your last chance to impress me and save your nexus from explosion.  good luck and dont fuck it up!
lipsync: ignite by zedd with TWO d's, not one

*twitch seizes to the beat*
*zoe tries to grab an ignite spell shard but catches her lace front ablaze*
i have made my decision
twitch, shantay you stay.  you may join the other champions.
zoe, my dear, i really, truly hate to see you leave so soon.  that's how the cookie crumbles sometimes.  no matter how you place, you will always be the iconic aspect of cancer.  now, sashay away.
9 champions remain.
chart:..

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