Our first woma- *coughs* act… is a queen that shows C.U.N.T in her everyday life. It’s Ruby Red! Or.. Oh its um… What was?... oh yeah! Ruby Velvet…
*Ruby Velvet enters… in her so called ‘best drag’*
Music Plays:
*Audience erupts into laughter*
Ruby is showing off her amazing planet themed runway look! As you can see she is representing the shape and size of Uranus! Very large and very round. With no visual positive features. And no life. Because she’s dead. And she’s cold. And she’s shit.
*Ruby is fuming*
Shut up. Do your act.
Ruby: oh.. Ok. Today i’m going to be singing.
Ruby: *sings*
My dad left me… now I suck...
I wish an old guy would fuck me in the back of his truck…
I am Ruby Velvet… I have 1 win….
Some would say… It’s time I got in the bin..
Woah woah yeah yeah…
I think im sick...I’ll call you “mama”
But when I go home next week… it’ll be a bumber…
Some queens think im shit…
And yeah. They’re right. I’m utter worthless dog shite.
*The audience throw space fruit at her*
Get rid of this shithead.
*Ruby is zapped by Kamora’s sci fi penis ejaculation and she melts*
That was bonkers luv x.
*British girls hear the word ‘bonkers’ and run onto the stage*
Thanks loves!
Our next act flew in straight from Chernobyl… It’s Markieshia!
*Mark enters, audience gasp in disgust*
So Markieshia… why do you look the way you look?
Markieshia: uhiwau welylll iwd donttirk lookshe *inaudible mumbles and grumbles*
Oh heh…. K.
*Somebody in the audience shouts “Helen Keller Ass!”, the rest of the audience laugh*
*Ur mum’s a fat dyke giggles but holds it in to be professional*
So would you like to show us your talent?
Markieshia: Yetth! Im doong Spelign Bee.
So Mark will be doing a Spelling Bee!
Your first word is Pluto!
Mark: pwuto.
Incorrect! Your second word is Space!
Mark: Shpashe.
What the fuck. Wrong. Your next word is Adoption!
Mark: Adoption.
He would know! *The audience ERUPT into laughter*
Your final word is Chernobyl.
Mark: Home.
Correct! Alright that’s enough of your cracked ass. Get out. *Rubes’ rubs his fishy astro pussina on Markieshia’s face and he evaporates. All that is left is a small tin of tuna*
Music Plays:
Moving swiftly on! Our next act is a duo performance. From suspected rigging to raping kids, it’s KOMMUNIST KELLY! *Audience cheer*
So Kelly, how do you feel about your recent dramas.
Kommunist Kelly: Aphrodite Starchild is a fat tub of lard and I took her win away. Haha fat. *Audience laugh*
Speak of the devil… It’s Aphrodite Starchild! *Aphrodite is carried on by a forklift, audience boo*
We’re going to be having a good old grand slam.
Kelly: I’m gonna fuck your liberal ass up
Aphrodite: I’m gonna shit on uranus
Go!
*Kelly grabs Aphrodite*
*Audience cheer*
Kelly: Take this you fucking spaceshaft!
*Aphrodite faints*
And the winner is Kommunist Kelly!
Kelly: Look at that fatty.
Congratulations Kelly you won. Savour this moment because it aint happening again any time soon.
*Misty Shade eats Kelly and becomes a suicide bomber, then explodes*
Our next act is an a-neigh-zing one. For this act, the audience must leave the cabaret venue and travel on foot to our extraterrestrial horse track. It’s time for a sci fi derby!
Here we are at the scene of the race. Two robo horses are preparing to race.
Here comes our first horse!
It’s Jasmine Masters!
And here comes our second horse!
It’s Sasha Belle!
*The audience scream with disgust*
And the race begins in 3… 2…. 1 !
GO!
And they’re off!
Jasmine masters in the lead…
And sasha has taken over!
*The audience gasp*
Wait there’s something blocking the track!
ITS LATRICE ROYALE!
*Sasha and Jasmine crash head on with Latrice and they die*
THEYRE DEAD
Audience:
We are back in the cabaret! Our fifth act is going to be a juicy one!
Please welcome Analiese!
*Music Plays *
Hello Analiese!
Anal: Hi.
What are you going to be showing us today?
Anal: I’m going to be teaching everybody how to win their own Drag Races!
*Audience cheer*
Anal: As someone who is very experienced in the art of rigging my race in order for me to win, I am a very skilled instructor!
So the first step is creating a multi account. Now these accounts can go by the name of “White Level Spas”, “Ugly Dyke White hoe” and “Enobaria”.
After that you want to open your applications.
Then you want to apply on the multi account. Remember, not the main account, the multi account. Then you rig each week in your favour!
And THAT is an epic gamer win!
*All of Analiese’s fake accounts that she rigged to win enter the stage*
Now what do we do with a cheater!?
Peaches: We give them Herpes!
*Peaches sits on Analiese and Anal disintegrates*
Now comes the moment you’ve all been waiting for!
The GRAND FINALE! *Audience cheer*
Please welcome my side hoe Rachel to the stage! *Rachel enters*
Today we are going to be performing an artificial sex change! *The audience gasp, as it is still a dystopian 1850…*
We are going to be changing Rachel into Rafael!
Rachel: Um… I didn-
Should’ve read the small print. Sit down.
While we perform the operation, please watch this roach sydney’s experience. *audience laugh*
LMAO! HE HAS A PUSSY!
*The audience throw human faeces on Rachel*
But that is not all! Our final experiment is to CONJURE THE DEVIL! By turning Rachel into a transgender, the devil is on his way inside of her. Shortly, he will arrive.
*The devil shoots his massive penis out of Rachel’s chest*
Get out of here you joke.
*Rachel is wheeled out*
Well that’s a wrap folks. But… you’ve seen too much today. Too much about the future. *Looks at Peaches* Finish them.
*The audience mumble*
Woman in audience: Whats happening?!
Peaches: Shut up hoe
*Peach releases pussy stank juice all over the audience*
*The audience scream as the HIV tears their skin open and they burn alive*
