btw this week is judged 50% maxi and 25% each runway so better do good in both lol love ya.

Tired of the accusions and harrasment through PMs, this is here to clear my opinion and truth. Bye

For this week's challenge I thought I would help all you worldly travellers with my bilingual abilities translating some common Chinese phrases for you! (kind of)

Dung On Mai Shu = I stepped in shit. 

Ai Wan Tu Bang Yu = Let's sleep together. 

Ai Bang Mai Ne = I bumped into the coffee table. 

Fat Ho = An unattractive woman. 

Ar U Wun Tu = A gay liberation greeting. 

Chin Tu Fat = You need a face lift. 

Chow Mai Dong = Blow me.

Dum Gai = A stupid person. 

Wel Hung Gai = Is that a banana in your pocket? 

Won Hung Low = Southern Chinese dialect for Welcome.

Gun Pao Der = An ancient Chinese invention. 

Hu Flung Dung = Which one of you fertilized the field? 

Hu Yu Hai Ding = We have reason to believe you are harboring a fugitive.

Jan Ne Ka Sun = A former late night talk show host. 

Kum Hia = Approach me. 

Sum Ting Wong= Everything is not OK.

Lao Zi = Not very good.

Lin Ching = An illegal execution.

Moon Lan Ding = A great achievement of the American space program. 

Ne Ahn = A lighting fixture used in advertising signs. 

Shai Gai = A bashful person. 

Tai Ne Bae Be = A premature infant.

Tai Ne Po Ne = A small horse. 

Ba Ten Ding = Serving drinks to people.

Wan Bum Lung = A person with T.B. 

Yu Mai Te Tan = Your vacation in Hawaii agrees with you.

Wa Shing Kah = Cleaning an automobile.

Wai So Dim = Are you trying to save electricity? 

Wai U Shao Ting = There is no reason to raise your voice.

Runways

https://imgur.com/a/GRYfIuu

=Uma LaSoup Runway=

1st Look - Pussycat Wig
I didn't have to snap this hard, but you bet I did! Oppalence! Do you wanna see my peacock?
https://imgur.com/a/kpGsWOj

2nd Look - Umbrella
I'm waterproof baby, I call this look Plastic Fantastic.
https://imgur.com/a/ePlPjdg

Proteina Bar

*Proteina enters the stage while the audience makes her a standing ovation*

Proteina : Oh stop, you!

Audience member : You’re beautiful!

Proteina : You are absolutely right! You know what? People always tell me “Proteina you always look sickening” “Proteina, you always are much fun” and to them I say : “Thank you, mum and dad”. I’m just kidding. They don’t like me that much.

You know... I am the last of six brothers. All male. My mother always used to tell me she really wanted me to be a girl. *takes a spin* so what about this?

With my father it was different. We never really talked. So it didn’t really change much when he refused me for telling him I am gay.

Being a sissy boy hasn’t always been easy. I used to be bullied a lot in grade school. There was this one guy that kept beating me asking me if I took it up the ass. So once I snapped back and said that I don’t take it. (You know you can’t tell, but I’m a top). Needless to say I’ve been fucking the guy ever since.

With that being said I thank you all, you received your daily dose of Proteins. Now no more until tomorrow!

Audience member : I love you!

Proteina : Oh. I love me too!

*Proteina exists the stage*

Runway 1) Pussycat Wig

Complete Look : https://i.imgur.com/Gc5O177.png
Close Up : https://i.imgur.com/nwWV3I1.png

Runway 2) Umbrella

Complete Look : https://i.imgur.com/io53B5B.png
Close Up : https://i.imgur.com/0ebFqjx.png

=Uma LaSoup Challenge=

Hello and welcome to Soup on a Dime. I'm your host - Uma LaSoup.

Are you a single mum, tired of working 9 to 5 every day just to put food on the table for your kids? Do you have a gambling addiction that is just eating away at your pockets? Did you forget about the $250 worth of KFC you bought on Afterpay after a drunken night out? Are you a college student?

Well good news! I, Uma, am here to show you a brand new delicious soup recipe that costs less than 10 cents! You'll never go hungry again.

First our soup needs a base. Now, most chicken/beef broths cost more than a dime, so we are going to use good old fashioned urine. The more yellow the better, so make sure you don't drink any fluids for 24 hours before preparing the soup. Just take a quick piss in the bowl and voila, your soup base. Recycling at its finest.

Our next ingredient is going to be soil from the garden. A good soup has plenty of healthy nutrients, and garden soil helps plants grow so that probably has nutrients. Just chuck in right in, and give it a quick stir.

Now, our third ingredient is going to be any large insect, or rodent that happens to be crawling about your house. I will be using this dead mouse that I found in my pantry. Just give it a quick smash with the rolling pin and pop it in the mix.

Next you are going to need to lift up your shirt and dig your finger in your bellybutton. That's right, we are using bellybutton lint in our soup on a dime. If you don't have any, find your dirtiest friend or child and ask to borrow some. It is very important to ask for permission before you stick your finger in someone's crevices. Who am I kidding? If you're watching Soup on a Dime with Uma LaSoup, I doubt you even wipe your ass, let alone wash your bellybutton.

Our final ingredient is the most important one. The one you've all been waiting for. It is of course... a dime. Just drop the dime right into the soup, it should give a nice splash. We really blew the budget on this one, the entire ten cents all in one go.

Now that all the ingredients are together, you just have to stick it in the microwave for 3 minutes.
*Uma sets the timer for 3 minutes*

You know, you could always bring this recipe to a family gathering. Christmas, Thanksgiving, blood sacrifices - really you could bring this anywhere and everyone will be asking you "What did you put in that soup?" That will be our little secret. Y'know, a friend of mine - when I say friend I mean mental health professional, but-

*The microwave begins to buzz and vibrate before exploding, sending piss and rat soup flying all over the walls*

Oh. It's done already. Thankyou for tuning in to Soup on a Dime with Uma LaSoup. Next week join us for a very special episode - we will be making home made ice cream! You won't believe where the cream comes from...

Syrup Shortbottom Challenge

Hello Shady Lady and Mother Kurwa! Today I’m going to be taking you guys on a journey, an adventure with a wonderful story!

Once upon a time... nah fuck that fairytale bullshit!

It all started when Lynda, Tiffani, Bella and I were sailing the ship to explore the beautiful oceans and just to see what pops up along the way. It was a hot, sunny day; too hot for Tiffani because ya know cold people can’t survive in the warmth haha. Anyways, we set off travelling far. Bella couldn’t stop complaining about her elimination since she thinks she was the “best”. Like best at what girl? Best at being the first boot? Sksk.

Finally night time came and I had a plan. I needed Lynda in on the plan so I told her that when we get to an island we let them get off and drive off without them in our $1,000,000 speed boat. We neared and island and BOOM! Quickly we paddle towards the island but get hit by another BOOM underneath the boat! Bella and Tiffani sprint up the shore, well I say sprint but Bella can barely walk. Suddenly a deadly shark flies out if the water, literally! It flares at me and I glare back, it blinks and I laugh at it screaming “I win, I win!”
It turns and looks back at me. I scream “LYNDA NOW NOW NOW!!”
Lynda hops into the speed boat, I strut onto the back and we drive off cackling. The shark turns and sprints towards Bella and Tiffani with its non existent legs. They scream for Lynda and I to come back and save them but it was too late. The shark caught Bella and snatched her weave quicker than her time in the competition and that was quick bitch!  Tiffani still screaming at my amazing looks grabs a coconut and cracks it on the sharks head. The shark snatches Tiffani’s weave, to reveal her having the same weave underneath just like she had the same looks over and over and over and over again!

The shark turns around and spots Lynda and I in the distance and swims after us. I turn around and have a second staring contest against it and I blink first losing eye sight of it.
*insert intense shark coming closer music*

“DRIVE FASTER LYNDA!”
Lynda: “lsksksuskjebrhthhrirjr”
Now is not the time i-
The shark pops up out of no where and snatches my weave to reveal nothing, just like Lynda’s talent: Nothing sksksk!
Lynda cackles and drives off and is the only bitch to survive
*game over*

Syrup Shortbottom Runways

Pussycat Wig: https://imgur.com/a/2JCB4qJ

Umbrella: https://imgur.com/a/8Gpevfd

So for April Fool’s this year I decided to be something I was terrified of being, I decided to be straight. It was so terrifying I almost thought it was Halloween, I looked in the mirror and scared myself half to dead.

If I’m being honest I didn’t even know how to act like a straight guy, I’ve been gay that long. I literally had to do research about how to be a straight guy. I even asked my best friend about it as well, which was a big mistake on my part, because she’s a girl who isn’t exactly straight herself.

I then explaining to my friend what I was doing and she had the audacity after saying I wasn't going to make it the full 24 hours and I took that as a challenge. I was going to go the full 24 hours by being straight which in reality is really sad looking at it.

I mean being straight should be easy, scratch my butt in public here and there, talk about ass and tits all the time, and being a complete and utter asshole to everyone except the bros...

Jesus what has this world come to.

So I tucked in my shoelaces and went to get breakfast before I headed to class, I didn’t know exactly what to get except I knew I couldn’t get sausage ya know my favorite food in more ways than one.

*Eyebrow wiggle*

I really do enjoy having many sausages at once, you know what I mean right Botanica? But not today, today was the only day I had to push away the temptation to wrangle up some sausage.

Anyways I decided to get a classic, sunny side up eggs and some bacon and ate it like a slob because my research shows that having manners is actually gay, huh who would have known that gays are decent human beings.

Fast forward a few classes that were uneventful, mostly because I wasn’t really paying attention and I decided to go to out with my friends. It was my turn to pick to go out so I decided go to the best place on earth...

Applebees. Where you can get apples and bees

(No seriously I got stung by by a bee there once and IT REALLY HURT)

But anyways I was enjoying my dinner, and I was joking around with my friend saying their too gay for me and all that, and suddenly one of the managers came over and asked me to leave. I was a literally caught off guard, like what’s his deal? Is he straightphobic or something.

I didn’t start a fight or anything, I just got up and left Applebee’s and soon after my friends followed me out. Apparently while I was joking around, there was a gay couple on the table right next to us that complained about my comments.

The funny thing is I guess my friend’s saw their faces and they thought they were on a hidden camera show, like they were looking around for hidden cameras like I was like a secret actor spy or something. What were they expecting? Ashton Kutcher parachuting from the ceiling saying they got punked or something?

The thing is my friends didn’t even seem angry about it like they are the type to defend you even when you don’t need defending. Like seriously I go over to them saying the washing machine i use is broken, and they are literally threatening to fight the washing machine… that’s a little too much.

But back on topic I asked them why aren’t they mad, and they handed me our school’s newspaper telling me to read. The headline for that day read “VOLLEYBALL TEAM IS UNDEFEATED”... I really didn’t understand the relevance, and I thought it was another straight person test… then I saw it.

The date said April 2nd, 2019.

Apparently my friends decided to pull an April’s fools prank on me by changing my watch time back one day and causing me to be straight for no reason. All that hard work wasted in trying to be straight. On the bright side at least I didn’t have to kiss a girl, that would have been a disaster.

So the highlight of my straight day is getting kicked out of applebee's, and also the moral of the story is that I get hate crimed even when I’m straight thank you very much.

Up next on the runway is Miss Hypnosis..

Look #1: Pussy Cat Wig

https://i.imgur.com/0ou2UZm.png

CF: So the pussy cat wig was required for this look however I love having a concept with my looks so I imagine this beautiful goddess being corrupted by this infection and which left her scarred and for her to hide away in her house for come but eventually she decided to come out...

*unties the cover and twirls it off to reveal the actual outfit*

https://i.imgur.com/y5DrBqB.png

CF: And finally has the enough courage to show that she survived the infection and she proudly shows the scars that were left. Shows who she is and shows that nothing can stop her no matter what she looks like.

Look #2: Umbrella look

https://i.imgur.com/HYzKabY.png

CF: At first I was worried since Zwooper didn't have any Umbrella in their shops, however I found on google a nice umbrella hat that I could use with the help of a little editing. I quickly slapped it on and added the rain droplet with this beautiful flowing outfit and this hair that waves in all the right places. Hope you enjoy.

CF: