This week, I'm sending all of you to Hollywood. Why? Because I want you to create and produce your own Oscar-winning FILMS! You can hire any director, actors, and musicians that you think would get Oscar glory!
Now, I want these films to be wayyy OVER THE TOP. I'm looking for something ridiculous, like a space-themed musical starring Meryl Streep. Your films can be set in any time period and star anybody you want.
I want to see the following:
Movie Title
Plot Summary
Setting/Time Period
Big Stars
Director
As a bonus, I will have a small panel of movie lovers give a bonus to the film they think is the best. This could help save you from the bottom or put on the top.
On the runway, category is... Oscars Red-Carpet Realness. I want elegance and fish.
Jenny Gamez, Jojo Siwa, and Niqabi Airport Lady in... "NIGEL'S SQUIRtERS".
these three individuals were scouted by Nigel for his new crime investigation process.
JENNY GAMEZ: SUItCASE QUEEN EXtRAORDINARE
As a child, she was stuffed in a suitcase. Since then, her ability to squeeze into tight places has given Nigel a reason for her to be on the team. Nigel chose Jenny to get through narrow spaces, when the team needs it most.
JOJO SIWA: HAIRBOW BALDY
With her receding hairline at the ripe young age of 15, this girl is here to cause distractions with her 290 WPM speaking ability, and overall hair loss. Her giant hairbows also give distraction. She hates faggots.
NIQABI AIRPORt LADY: BOMB!
We needed a muslim bomber, Nigel scouted her out. She was found outside an airport. this was her speech:
She obviously knows how to blow shit up.
these three ladies have been gathered in modern day Los Angeles to take down one of the biggest threats of modern-day America. BtS.
BtS: OVERRAtED KPOP BAND.
their songs have taken over the airwaves and brainwashed teen girls into thinking they're art. they need to be stopped. Will Jenny, Jojo, and Niqabi Airport Lady find a way to stop them?
From the razzie-winning director tara toma, and a soundtrack by SOPHIE,
"NIGEL'S SQUIRtERS".
A group of people are forced to participate in a game where they have to do life threatening challenges or see something or someone they hold dear be destroyed or killed, 'hosted' by a mysterious cloaked figure wearing silver skull mask, but things do exactly go to plan, and not just for the 'contestants'. They have to survive ghe challenges and try to identify who is the masked man while figuring out an escape plan.
The setting is a dark house on the top of a hill at night which is taking place in modern times.
Cast:
Donald Glover as the main character (who the villain is constantly trying to kill)
Kristen Schaal as the OCD librarian
Kylie Jenner as the material girl
Chris Pratt as the idiot who has no idea that everyone is in danger
Jennifer Laurence as the voice of reason
Keanu Reeves as the masked man
Directed by M. Night Shyamalan (So expect a twist at the end!)
5 girls - named Endangered, Canola, Terrible, Sharia, and Xbox - are sitting around a campfire watching low budget lesbian porn on Xbox’s portable DVD player. It’s a pussypopping fiesta until 9 hideous corpses come emerging from the forest. The girls are horrified - all except for Endangered, because British people have balls of strawberries and cream - and flee. Endangered stays to try to befriend the zombies and gets FUCKING EATEN FASTER THAN JAMES CHARLES CAN SAY HEY SHISHTARS. The other girls flee. Canola screams “WHERE ARE WE GONNA GO” and Sharia says “gurl we gonna go to Islam?” The girls all say what the fuck and continue running until they reach a river. XBox short circuits because apparently this movie has the budget for androids and with one last dying breath, disappears into the water, leaving nothing but a cheap turtleneck behind. The other three girls run until they are trapped by a large rock formation. Sharia screams “ALLAHU AKHBAR” BUT the zombies don’t speak English and she’s eaten. Terrible and Canola hold each other, whimpering as the zombies close in. All 9 of them. Oh wait, there’s only 7. Anyways, when it seems all hope is lost, Canola finds Sharia’s phone laying on the ground and flashes a horrifying image - Rory’s nudes. 6 of the zombies instantly incinerate, all except for Eating Garlic, who licks its lips and staggers closer. Then, Terrible does the unthinkable - she produces a black tube of lipstick and some white-out, writing “Eating” on it. When she throws the lipstick at Eating, it stops for a second, launches into a rant about riggery, and continues rambling as the credits begin to roll.
Cast:
Kiki Danger as Endangered
Tara Toma as Terrible
Pamela as Canola
Aishah Ali as Sharia Law
Plai Station as XBox
Eden Gardens as Eating Garlic
The Eliminated Queens as The Zombies
Stephen Hawking as The Nude
In a world, where love between children is strong and the stench because they forgot to put on their deodorant is stronger, a final decision must be made. In the movie "Such A Beautiful Dream", Yodeling Boy as himself, is being set up for his next wife to call him "sweet daddy". If the yodeling boy doesn't pick his potential lover in a week, the whole world might come to a crash. This is because the world is begging for a king and queen to rule the world, and the yodeling boy is the last man alive and is humanity's last hope. The totally woke Social Justice Warriors killed all the men, except for the yodeling boy, who they crowned their king. The time period is August 2019, when the Earth is almost as heated as Eden Gardens was when she got eliminated from Omen's Drag Race.
Directed by Anthony C. Ferrante, the director of the Sharknado series, "Such A Beautiful Dream" will be scamming you for months....we have your credit card info. Wanna give the movie a negative review? The other thing that will go negative is that CREDIT BALANCE. *coughs* Oh, I'm sorry, excuse me.
Some actors/actresses in the movie include:
Life with Mak as The ASMR Girl:
The country boy girl as herself:
Jojo Siwa as the racist girl:
and finally, Tana Mongeau as the other racist girl:
AND OF COURSE, Mason Zahara Jonbenet Ramsey as the yodeling boy.
Coming to a theater near you...or just illegally stream it. We don't give a shit.
Plot Summary: The parents of 4 young girls leave home to go on a honeymoon without their children. They hire a nanny to look after them while they are away. But this is no ordinary nanny she is the biggest, blackest nanny out there. She forces the children to eat her African gruel and if they refuse she whips them with her big and long cane and locks them away in cages as if they were poor African children. After days of punishment the oldest daughter manages to sneak out of the cellar and call the police. Will the nanny get caught? Will the children escape? Will the parents ever stop having fucking sex? To find out what happens next purchase the film at www.blackrehab.com!
A totally unique and African American spin on Action, Comedy and Horror.
WARNING: IT’S THE BLACKEST MOVIE YOU WILL EVER SEE IN YOUR LIFE!
Setting/Time Period: It is set in the 1990’s but with modern day actors! The film is set in The White House I’m Washington D.C.
Get ready for a journey of a lifetime as young children are treated as slaves by a black nanny? Wait wtf why is a black person using black people as slaves?
Fucking hypocrite.
Anyway, buy your tickets now!
