taking a lil break from this but will post soon before bed. thanks!

Opening Statement:  Wow!  I can say with complete honesty that I truly did not expect to be sitting here.  This game was a train wreck for me - complete dumpster fire ever since the first tribal council after the merge.  Each round I tried to work with the pieces that were left in the rubble that was my game, but each time I was backstabbed or advantaged out of truly doing much.

Had Cole or Ian been here, I am not sure I would have had much to say, but sitting next to Stef and Kara, I truly believe you should at least consider me worthy of your vote.

Below I will outline my game round by round offering insight into the eliminations.

Pre:Merge - I was on a highly active and successful tribe.  My aim was to form relationships with each member both individually and see how their dynamics existed together.  I ultimately teamed up with Kara, which would prove to be the biggest mistake of my game, that took a lot of work to come back from.  When I went to PI I formed cross tribal relationships and thought i set myself up well for the post merge portion of the game... man, I couldn’t have been more wrong !

AJs elimination - everyone knew the trio was strong and had been to PI so much.  They had advantages and potential idols.  There was no question in my mind that I would be loyal to the 6 until 1-2 of the trio were eliminated from the game.

The 6 set our sights on Stef.

Me, John and Kara also opened communication with the trio and found out the were voting AJ. I didn’t want AJ to go, but was hopeful this group would trust us when we said we were voting Ian.

They didn’t and AJ was idoled out... Ian did receive 1 vote, which was the first red flag that someone was playing both sides.

At this point AJ blamed me for being the double cross, which was rough because my paranoia was already on overdrive and now I needed to figure out who was playing duplicity.

Rays Elimination - our failure last round came by not splitting the votes, with 6 (sorry above should have said 7) left against the trio the decision was to split votes between Cole and Stef...

Yes many of us were aware of someone playing both sides, so a few people switched their votes and grouped votes with others they trusted...

Turns out Kara was the mole and was the 4th vote to get Ray out.

Again, Ray Luke AJ was upset with me for the blindside.

This is where I started losing my patience with this game - kara was the mole and now I was blood hungry - her hands were dripping with blood of the first 2 post merge voteoffs and her lack of responsibility pissed me off.  Ray said I needed to vote her off to even be considered for his vote... for a while that was my plan, however as she continued to play a game in complete disregard for others, I realized the relationships she made with others were as meaningless as the relationship she made with me and while it might get her far in the game, treating players only like chess pieces is a very risky move when it’s the game you play AND the bonds you form with the jurors that will help you win at the end.

My strategy changed completely - I aimed to continue the relationships I made and also aimed to appear less and less threatening.  We were now tied 4-4, I needed to make sure I was the last person they would target ...

I know, I haven’t played the best game. I didn’t talk to everyone in this game and nor did I try to really get to know people outside my immediate alliance. I didn’t really do that great at challenges either this season since we really never got a chance to go for half the season and I only won one Immunity. And for some of the game I wasn’t always the one leading the charge on each and every vote. But, I was always aware of what was going on in the game and able to protect myself, or my allies from potentially leaving the game. Which I always was able to do successfully. I was also extremely honest and loyal. I never went out of my way or went to cross a line that turned into personal attacks or jabs at ones real life.

Sitting next to both Kara and Leanna I think I still have a stronger case than either of the other two. I was more loyal than Kara. And I did much more in the game than Leanna did.

Advantages, of course were apart of my game, and a large part at that. In total I found 3 hidden immunity idols, 1 extra vote, and an immunity orb which Patrick gave to me and told me what to do with it so he wouldn’t get advantage shamed. que Gabe’s exit. But advantages are apart of the game yes I had to actually search for the idols, but the extra vote was complete luck and other people got powers as well due to the twist.

I don’t think my use of advantages should completely destroy my game. I know finding blog idols or random number powers aren't as fun as it is in the real Survivor but I still think being able to play them successfully and make sure I was playing the powers on the right person is a very strong aspect of my game. Knowing who to idol or immunity orb and who not to idol and immunity orb shows my strong game awareness on a strategic level. Only twice was I left out of a vote where I didn't know what was going to happen being the Sadie and Patrick vote (funny that they're a couple). I also didn't even need to play my idol at the F5 because I was so secure in my position in the game that none of the other four would vote for me. Which they didn't.

My original tribe on day 1 was all good and dandy with the majority plan to vote for my good friend Brian since he was inactive, little known to my Miss Mercedes is voted out leaving me blindsided and an obvious minority with my tribe. Preservation Island spared me for a round with them abandoning me on this cold beach when they knew I couldn’t make a fire. But in later rounds in the premerge Preservation island is where I would be able to extend my relationships with people from other tribes such as Patrick, Kara, and AJ. AJ, and I never really worked together but he was admiring my game and I his in PMs which I thought was nice and rlly friendly. After being blindsided from my tribe and them throughout the game showing that they didn't really want to work with me, I knew I had to get them out anyway possible.

Being immediately ostracized from your starting tribe and being an easy target for everyone in the game is not a good spot to be in. And idols and playing them painting a bigger target on my back throughout the game was never good for my game. I knew that I was being painted as a villain and an evil bitch since I just wouldn't die and I had to accept that role. I tried to downplay it by moving more into the background at the merge and let Patrick and Cole make a lot of choices. Knowing that if they were the ones commanding people how to vote and dictating the order of who goes to the jury and when would make them get burned far quicker than it would make me. I made the right choices and made the other players make the strong choices in order to ensure I wouldn't get fucked over. 

My social game I admit wasn't as strong as I liked it to be. I didn't really feel the need to go out of my way to talk to people who were actively working against me. I view myself as a pretty honest player and I don't necessarily think that blowing smoke up someone's ass 24/7 when you know you're not with them is just kind of rude. I decided to just mutually respect the other players and be a straight shooter instead of lying to their face. But for the people I did talk to and build relationships with they were strong. And virtually unbreakable. I think social games are very much a two way street in survivor and where I didn't reach out neither did they too me.

The trio alliance of me Patrick and Cole was the dominating force this season and when we pulled in Kara as the fourth we were unbreakable. We had turned the minority into the majority and we had hoped to become the Final 4 in which I was perfectly content with. But flips happened and we lost half of our quartet.

The second time I went to tribal I had to use an idol to save myself and my ally Cole. That night I was willing to play my idol for myself or Cole because that’s how much I needed him in this game. Cole and I were on the bottom together on our original tribe and that’s where our connection started. We always promised each other F2 and that we’d never lie to each other. But when Cole organized the Patrick blindside I knew that a big part of my trust with Cole was over.

When I was blindsided at the Patrick vote my trust was ruined with Cole and I knew that I couldn’t work with him and longer and I started to devise a plan to get him out. This was my ‘big’ move of the game since I was doing the exact same thing other people did but I just did it at the right time. Kara flipped on her alliance and lost all of their trust and respect. Cole flipped on me and Patrick and was voted out because of me. This was the vote I went around to organize and make sure Cole left. I talked with Leanna, Ian, and Kara about the vote and I can 100% say that this was my move and I'm proud of it.

The endgame we then see me get my first immunity win of the season in the spot where I arguably needed it most or face an FMC. But I won and was able to guarantee my spot in the end and I was able to watch and support Kara get here as well.

This entire game for me has been an uphill battle and I was always fighting against the current. I was in a 7-3 minority at the merge and every single round I was able to either save myself or make sure that I was not the one getting the majority votes. The last time I even received a vote was the Final 9 tribal council which I think is pretty good considering I didn't have immunity at any of the others except the F4. Along with being on the bottom for a large portion of the game my name was always being thrown around the chopping block and there wasn't a single round that I didn't have to actively work to make sure I wasn't the one who it ended up being. Something that the other two finalists can say.

And most importantly, there is a final 3 of all female. So congrats.

I hope we can give this season a great winner and you all can look at my game and see the game I played. It wasn't even close to perfect but it was a very strong game which I'm honestly very proud of. I'll answer anything you ask.

Gabe’s elimination - we were ready for rocks, what other choice did we have?  The trio seemed impossible to break up ( they had been through so much on PI) and Kara was clearly with them...

The 4 decided the trio would be least likely to use any advantages on Kara .. so we voted her ... some people thought we should have done Cole instead, but every plan has its pros and cons..,

Kara is idol saved and Gabe is eliminated ...,

Kara then messages me that’s she not mad at me, lol ...

For those still in the game, you witnessed my melt down ... while it was emotional , I did discuss with a few jurors (Gabe, John, Ian) that putting kara on blast served many purposes ... I needed everyone to know the level of deceit in her game.  Also, I knew the quad would eventually turn on each other and I wanted the trio to think I would be s good person to keep around as I would easily vote Kara off.

I publicly said I was voting Kara each round ( even though I didn’t) to reinforce this.  I made ‘vote for Leanna’ buttons - though it didn’t say ‘vote Leanna out... I am now hoping many of you finally use these buttons tonight to vote me a win 😂

Patrick’s Elimination - pat , I truly am sorry for voting you out, it wasn’t my intention , but when John and Cole hatched the plan, I knew getting any trio member out was helpful to my game...

Also, the odds were tied again 3-3... though the PI crew was likely to have more advantages.

I started talking a lot more to Cole and strengthen my relationship with John and Ian...

I’ll finish up my end game in the morning, look forward to any questions.

All I will say to end tonight is I tried doing my best with the cards I had all game.  Often times my cards were awful, but I tried finding new ways to make sure I wasn’t the hand folding each round.  ♦️ ♥️ ♠️

Hi, good evening!

I was anxious all day about finale night and what would happen if I got the opportunity to face the jury. I will emphasize the word OPPORTUNITY because I wouldn't classify my game as most deserving or most loyal, or nicest. I was a villain but I would like to clarify some things and help explain the moves I did make. The anxiety coming into tonight is because I know without a doubt that some of you have a sour taste in your mouth when you hear my name. I lied in this game and I did some dirty things...I will not hide that. But on the same token, there's items I'm being blamed for and some correcting that needs to happen. I'd like to explain!

Coming into this game I was STOKED to see AJ (jets), Patrick (Grr), and Sadie. These were people i loved and trusted and had made connections with in other games. I recognized a few other faces but knew immediately that they had closer connections and I would be low on their totem poles.

One important thing I would like to point out is my close friendship with Patrick. Quite a few of you were aware of this and even blatantly pointed it out to others; yet surprisingly we made it all the way to f7 together! He's an amazing person and I would have never, ever betrayed him. He was my closest confidant all game.

So game started...

I was truly blessed to be on the most fabulous tribe of people. Everyone seemed to get along great and we had strong participation. We never had to attend a tribal council except the one where 5 of us decided to go to PI (led by me). It was clear early on that Ray had an outside group of friends but always remained friendly with Nuku Hiva. The remaining 5 of us knew he was on the outside of our tribe because he had other alliances. At this point i was all about my tribe, but also began building cross tribe connections via Patrick with Stef and Cole. Stef and I instantly clicked and Cole seemed like a trustworthy partner to have around.

I elected to go to PI the one time I did to make that connection stronger. I worked all day to get votes on either Brian or Mike (with my preference being Brian, sorry). Eventually the vote came down to Mike as that was who Leanna and John preferred to flip and create the Last Resort alliance.

Pre merge one by one I saw everyone I wanted to leave leave, with the exception of Sadie (RIP!) I thought this is FABULOUS....people gone and no blood on my hands besides Mikes send off.

Then we get to merge...I am playing both sides. I would like to clear up something Leanna mentioned in her above messages...I was NOT the mole and did NOT leak any info to the trio of Cole, Stef, Patrick. I knew they were voting AJ and didn't have the votes. There was no way in hell I was voting AJ but played along. The other side decided on Stef. Here's where things got tricky for me....I wanted Stef to go over AJ but didn't want to vote her myself. I cast a rogue vote for Ian causing chaos and distrust among the initial Nuku Hiva tribe. It was my intention for Stef to go and that would flush an idol and open the door more for me to work closer with Patrick and Cole. I REPEAT, I DID NOT LEAK INFO.

Now we get to the next vote....WHERE HELL BREAKS LOOSE....

I'm aware Ray thinks I'm an "ugly bitch," but I was after him because he was playing the most similar game to mine. We both played both sides but I considered him even more dangerous because he had the trust of Ian. Tthe rest of Nuku Hiva had catching up to do in their relationship with Ian as we hadn't been to PI with him. Ray initiated a vote against me, trying to gain Stef, Cole, and Patrick to be 5 votes against me at tribal. i went to Ray and pretty much begged for my life and preached unity just to stab him in the back. As votes were being read, I actually had no clue if he was still planning to vote me or was being honest to my face. Both Ray and Ian were giving me lots of reassurance late in the day which I found suspicious because I wasn't asking for it :x Patrick and I had similar thoughts about Ray so that's when a real true alliance of Stef, Cole, Patrick, and Kara was born and I regained their trust from the failed Stef vote out attempt.

Had I not voted Ray in that tribal I believe he would've still gunned for me with Ian by his side. He had accused me of two false items - one in private and one publicly. For me and my game he proved to be a threat as my relationship with him was volatile and I knew I couldn't trust him. In a world of kill or be killed, I decided to kill. It wasn't personal and I have nothing against him. I just viewed him as the strongest player currently in the game and he needed to go because I had stronger relationships with the remaining cast.

This carries us to the part of the game I start receiving votes because UNDERSTANDABLY everyones pretty angry at me. I receive 4 votes even though my old tribe is trying to convince me the vote is Stef (HAHA yeah ok lol). Stef uses patrick's orb on me and all is well with the world as a vote gets negated and Gabriel is sent packing.

After Gabriel is voted out Leanna makes a public outburst as she previously mentioned...the outburst made no sense at the time. Had this been the round I voted Ray I would've understood better....but not blowing up at me after trying to vote ME out. She acted like the situation was reversed. I did message her I wasn't made at her because I wasn't. i just didn't understand it and neither did anyone else in the game. They all seemed to think of her as a joke. I'm not sure what she put "on blast" because I remained friendly with the rest of the cast. For me you can make friends with people and not directly work with them. This was the style of game play I used. Any of the friendships I built or conversations I had about real life outside the game was real. And I don't actually dislike anyone in the game; even if I am disliked :p

i was blown away and saddened by Patrick's vote but picked up the pieces I could to continue on and see the people go I wanted to go....

At this point there was really no other option but for Stef and I to try to work things out with Cole and get John out of the game. In my eyes he was the biggest competition beast and threat to winning the game with his likability. Still not sure how he didn't win that immunity but I was secretly pleased with it because I knew I had noooooo shot to beat John in this game.

Going into finale night I knew Ian was against Cole and Cole was against Ian. I trusted my sis Stef and we made a female chat saying we would make it to the end together. We knew the two boys needed to go but weren't sure who would win immunity.

ian wins first immunity so Cole has to go. I was impressed with Cole's moves late in the game like taking out Patrick (even though I didn't like it) and lying to John so we could get him out. This was a no brainer for me.

Then Stef wins immunity and I'm actually blown away Le would vote me again to possibly leave Ian in this game to win it. ALSO HOW DO YOU NOT EVEN SUBMIT FOR THE FINAL TWO CHALLENGES?? DO YOU WANT THIS? For someone that preached about me being a liar and deceiver, I never once voted Le. I didn't feel the need to. She broke her friendship with me, not the other way around. I believe I played a very loyal game in the latter half (after Ray's eviction). I saw who needed to go and when and did my best to make it happen with every tribal.

I WON FIRE MAKING LIKE WTF....I ACTUALLY DID THAT...i personally couldn't even believe it. Ian was hands down going to win this thing if he was here. SO LIKABLE and played cleanly. Everyone loves a hero and he was one.

Congrats to my fellow female f3!

Stef, I am so proud we could make it here together and I thank you for your allegiance in this game <3

I played hard. And honestly, I'm often known as the "nice girl" on tengaged and when I come into these group games I want to spice it up and play a different role than I'd normally take on in the real world. Any personal conversations I had were real, but I was here to play a game and I think I did a pretty solid job of that to get me to this point. Everyone plays different and everyone will have their own opinions. Each of the 3 of us I feel are very different players. I'd love if you'd consider voting me tonight.

I am heading to bed because I have work at 7am but I will be on tomorrow and ready to answer anyone's questions or if they'd like more details on anything I've discussed. Thanks!

Kara having Patrick as your closest ally all game lost my vote gl the other 2

Stef, you’re probably not expecting my vote. Don’t. We haven’t spoken. I know I didn’t try either but I’m not gonna justify it when social activity is a fundamental part of the game.

Kara, let me level with you. I may be the only person on the jury who has given you a modicum of credit. You played a very cutthroat game and you’re probably willing to admit that but I would like you to explain why you think I’m the only one willing to consider voting you in hopes that the rest of the jury can understand your game differently?

Leanna, mad love you know that I am so excited to play something in the future with you. What’s your favorite summer salad?

The worst possible final 3, actually a Kara Cole Stef final 3 would be worse but this is arguably just as bad.

Stef shouldn't be in finals, relying on advantages isn't good gameplay.

Kara you lied for no reason you wanted Stef and Cole out just as bad as me, but then backstabbed me the first chance you got while sitting there like a fake bitch. If I even vote tonight it's just to ensure there is another vote against you.

Leanna I don't like you, but I'm ill to say that you're probably who I'm rooting for the more to win, not because you'd be a good winner but because you'd be a better winner than the other two.