MARCH 5th, 2013.
Sasha Shayne sits on her bed in her cell.
SASHA: “God, I need to get out of here. You’re going to help me Nice, right?”
Sasha stares at the moldy baguette, in the corner of the cell, that she befriended and named after Nice.
THE MOLDY BAGUETTE NAMED AFTER NICE: “....”
SASHA: “Fake ass friend.”
As Sasha rolls her at the moldy baguette named after Nice, a prison guard, wearing sunglasses and an obviously fake mustache, walks into Sasha’s cell. Sasha looks the guard up and down.
SASHA: “Who the hell are you?”
The guard takes their sunglasses and mustache off, revealing themself to be McKenna Matthews!
MCKENNA: “Surprise Bitch. I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me.”
SASHA: “McKenna? You’re alive?”
MCKENNA: “No. I’m still dead as fuck because of you. You’re just hallucinating this.”
SASHA: “Oh my God, Am I going insane?”
MCKENNA: “Yes. Anyway, you need to get the school back.”
SASHA: “How? I’m, like, literally in prison.”
MCKENNA: “Then just not be in prison anymore. Like, it’s not that hard.”
SASHA: “Girl, what?”
MCKENNA: “I don’t have time to explain everything to you. I’m currently late for a date with Lucifer. So TTYLXOX!”
McKenna puts the sunglasses and mustache back on and leaves the cell as Sasha turns to the moldy baguette named after Nice.
SASHA: “Did you understand any of that?”
THE MOLDY BAGUETTE NAMED AFTER NICE: “.....”
SASHA: “You’re so useless.”
Sasha lays down on her cot, trying to think of an idea, before pulling a phone out of her pillow, that someone smuggled in for her, and dialing Nice’s number.
SASHA: “Shut up. I need you to get me out of here.”
Sasha quickly hangs up and Nice stares at her phone.
NICE: “What the hell we goin’ do now?”
MARCH 6TH, 2013.
A few weeks have gone by after last episode's events. With the new student council president election underway, the polls have been generally pretty close, with Elijah, Jordan and Aaliyah all in the lead... and new unofficial unauthorized candidate Lucy Luscious at dead last with no votes backing her.
Sammy Cunningham and the hyenas are seen in the school hallways tearing up Lucy Luscious' posters as the latter files her nails next to the locker, pretending not to cry. Finley walks up to her.
FINLEY: "Ah, hey Lucy! What's up?"
LUCY: "My gripping lesbian crush for Kore getting in the way of my Christian values. What about you?"
FINLEY: "Speaking of Christian..."
Finley sighs as he points to Christian, now a fully-fledged hipster who listens to Lana unironically, hanging out with Fern, Andi and other hipsters. Lucy gasps at the mere thought.
LUCY: "That's so sad! Are you, like, gonna break up with him?"
FINLEY: "What? No... I mean, at least I don't think so. Like, a few weeks ago we were talking about how he wanted to do something different... I thought he wanted to get a man-bun haircut or something but turns out he wanted to be a hipster... And he's quitting the wrestling team too... And we just haven't spent that much time recently?"
LUCY: "That is so weird. It's almost like ever since Elijah and Fern moved into Lakeview, everyone's slowly turning like them. I'm sure it's nothing though!"
Karolyn's blood literally BOILS as she hears the conversation, walking down to the announcement room and speaking over at the intercom.
KAROLYN: "Morning, fellow Lakeview students! Your favorite hot goss disher Karolyn Vega here. Don't forget that after class we must all gather around the auditorium for the class president debate! Thank you for your time, thank me for speaking."
Karolyn non-chalantly exits the announcement room and brushes past Aaliyah and Nice.
NICE: "So when are we doing it? When are we rescuing Sasha?"
AALIYAH: "Girl, I don't know. Maybe tonight, after the class presidency debate?"
NICE: "Je telephone rang last night, it was Sasha from the slammer. She's getting desperate. We have to break her out."
AALIYAH: "I know, I know."
Flora walks by them and pats Aaliyah's shoulder.
FLORA: "Aaliyah! I meant to discuss your English Lit narrative essay. I thought it was really good overall but, um, I'm not quite keen on the whole idea of glorifying a romantic relationship with a hot blonde stripper grown man in his 40s."
AALIYAH: "Um, miss Bella! How are you holding up since Sasha's arrest?"
FLORA: "Well... Her parents are very disappointed in her but sadly there's not much I can do. Besides, if she did burn the Starbucks down, I wouldn't feel comfortable bailing her out."
Suddenly Flora's phone starts ringing like crazy. Nice spots the phone screen, reading 'Caller ID: Elijah'.
FLORA: "Um... Talk to you guys later! Good luck at the debate, Aaliyah!"
Flora quickly walks off, picking up the phone, while Nice skeptically raises a brow.
Elijah is on the phone when Natalie suddenly approaches him and hangs up the call for him, wrapping her arm around him and kissing him.
NATALIE: "I can't wait to see you win by a landslide, mate. You gonna beat all those lads and show them who's boss."
ELIJAH: "I like your enthusiasm... But um... Did you consider what we talked about last night?"
NATALIE: "Eli, I don't wanna leave the cheer squad, awright? It's the only dardy extracurricular at this school where I can twerk and not get detention."
ELIJAH: "But there's way too much negative association with cheerleaders right now... If you just did it for me... Then maybe I *could* win the election."
Elijah pats Natalie's shoulder, walking off and intentionally bumping Jordan's shoulder.
ELIJAH: "G'luck at the debate, sweetie."
He grins as Jordan rolls her eyes. She looks up at Alvin.
JORDAN: "I hate that stupid psychotic poser so goddamn much-"
ALVIN: "Hey... Listen, there is still a chance we can expose him."
JORDAN: "How?! You saw the goddamn DVD literally crumble itself! There is no hope!"
ALVIN: "Maybe we could talk to Rachel? She seems to know a lot about Elijah."
JORDAN: "...Who's Rachel?"
The bell suddenly rings for class and the two head off to their respective classrooms, as a bunch of cunning and calculating deers surround school grounds.
EPISODE THEME SONG:
episode starts at 9PM EST as usual! we hope to see all of u there <3
TODAY: Lakeview High's student council election final debate hosted at the auditorium at 5PM EST! Presence is mandatory so if you don't show up, you'll have to surrender to the security hyenas or whatever.
TOMORROW: You better get ready for the FIRST DAY OF THE HIPSTER MUSICAL FESTIVAL!!! Performing are such big names as Marina & The Diamonds, Lana del Rey... Natalia Kills, who? Um... Someone called Santigold... Lorde? Charli XCX? ...Oh, and Cher Lloyd feat. Becky G!!! THE music event you do NOT wanna miss 💖
SATURDAY: Second day of the music festival... And the class election results! Vote! And if you don't, shame on you!
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