Runway:
https://imgur.com/a/Ep1Lags CF: For this week's runway, I look beautiful and rich and I'm giving you all the skin you need for an erection and possibly blue balls too.
Pre Madonna's ROAST
Wow, what a set, give it up for Shanita everybody! Sheās gonna be hard to top but so many men have managed to do it.
Thank you Enobaria for this funeral/comedy challenge. I canāt wait to see who will end up in the bottom 2 with Shanita.
Shanita, I have to say, her resume is amazing. Dancer, Drag Artist, Athlete. You name it, sheās fucked it. But in all seriousness Shanita, from choreography, lip-syncing, designing, editing, writing, singingā¦ is there anything you can do?
But enough about the Princess of Bazaart; we are gathered here to mourn the loss of our mother, Talian.
Ladies and gentleman, Talian was so benevolent, she hosted the only competition across the globe where an elimination round would start with 6 people and end with 7.
Several people had accused Talian of having substance abuse problem, and it wasnāt until recently that I started to believe it. For instance, Shimika was āHighā during Week 0 and, evidently, so was Talian.
There are still some things that I am discovering about our departed mother. For instance, I donāt know if Talian is religious but gun to my head ā Iād say sheās probably a devout Christian because she just loves to bring people back from the dead. Me, Shimika, Octavia ā¦ TWICE. TWICE. I love Octavia though, and she was such an inspiration in that choreography challenge as I had no idea she was deaf.
Octavia is so dumb, that when she heard this was a roasting challenge, she turned on the oven.
Yes, yes, I know she is no longer on the season, but can you blame her for thinking that she was? Talian sent her packing twice then brought her back in. Sheās like a cockroach that respawns every time you kill it. Oh and, for all you gays who donāt know what ārespawnā means, itās a gaming terminology meaning rebirth or re-entry after annihilation. And if you donāt know what gaming is, itās what the straight roommate youāre secretly in love with does at 2am while you play with yourself. And no, āre-entry after annihilationā has nothing to do with what your dildo did to your asshole last night.
But speaaaaaaking of cockroaches, Shimikaās here, again! Well, that settles it. I guess now we know who will lipsync against Shanita.
Shimika has actually updated her grindr bio and it now says ābottomed three times and still came backā.
But if you really want your cum back you should call Lemonade.
In other news, Shimika is actually on her way to make history and become the most bottom placing queen to Never make finale. Shimika, you should be proud though, and the fact that youāre here in the final 6 is the best ā¦ā¦. you can do.
That comeback challenge was fun though, wasnāt it? We saw Myo Minai leave the competition. That was particularly sad because she had really stepped up her runway looks.
Now if she had also worked on her creativity, comedy, song-writing, dancing, singing, acting, lip-syncing, charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent ā she may have lasted longer.
This season definitely saw some clashes and drama. For example, Iāve had my differences with Eden Gardens, but we are definitely in a good place! Eden announced that she is engaged, soon to be married, and she has instantly become an inspiration and a beacon of hope for all the other insufferable bitches who canāt find someone to put up with them.
No Iām playing, Iām playing. Iām sure your husband is gonna feel like heās living in Edenās Garden! ā¦ when he finally gets a divorce. You know, they always say, ālove is blindā, and given that Eden has 3 wins this season ā¦ so is Talian.
Rita Bitch ā¦ can't really āread-a-bitchā and the only time Iāve ever seen you show any personality was when you bitched at Talian for being in the bottom two. Speaking of which, I canāt wait to watch your meltdown tonight! Talian railed into Rita so much in that choreography challenge, she shouldāve changed her name to Mustard Monroeās Vagina.
Talianās favorite movie, which she watched recently, is Mean Girls! When asked why she loved that movie so much, Talian said āI love watching a bitter, narcissistic, vile, cowardly self-serving cunt make a fool of herselfā ā¦ *hears some indistinct chatter* Calm down Lemonade, she was talking about Regina George. Please forgive Lemonade, as sheās a little on edge tonight having survived a string of low/bottom placements over the past few rounds. Sheās been sweating and bleeding for a victory and tonight she is finally going to win a Maxi ā¦ pad.
Bashful, Doc, Dopey, Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy and Sneezy are also here, but in this town, we call them the judges. Letās be honest though, what have they done? The only compelling thing about them is Facuās nose-ring.
But enough about the Real Has-Beens of Beverly Hills. Weāre here tonight to roast a queen whose legacy crumbled faster than Wall Street in 1929.
Our lady of the hour ā¦ or, seeing how long her challenges last ā¦ the lady of the 96 hours ā¦. and as the guys call her around the block, the lady of the 25$ per hour + a happy ending ā¦ Talian!
But how do you roast a disaster? Talianās existence was so tragic that Lifetime is making a movie about it.
I mean, what can you say about Talian that HASNāT been already said? ... Oh I found one, ā¦ youāre a good host!
A lot of people donāt know that Talian is a talented drag artist ā¦ because she isnāt.
And Talian is so gay *funeral attendees: how gay is she?ā. Talian is so gay, when she went to college, she joined the fisting club.
Talian, I honestly loved you as Twinkies LaChapelle in Rubes and Jocoās Drag Race, and I loved you as Abby Lee Miller in real life. Actually, Talianās drag name, Twinkies LaChapelle, was inspired by a simple formula - first name: who she likes to fuck and last name: where she likes to fuck them. You know, boys love to sit on Talianās face just so they donāt have to look at it.
You dirty, dirty snake.
Speaking of snakes, hey Eden, remember that apple that Eve took a bite off when she was hanging out in your bush, I mean, garden. Can you please pass it to Talian? When I roast a pig, I like to put an apple in its mouth.
Finally, Enobaria claimed that Talian wore a Christmas sweater and died by fashion suicide but I donāt believe it.
The REAL reason Talian killed herself is that she would rather die than watch a week-0 first boot break a record and become the first queen in TDR herstory to ever to win 3 back to back to back challenges.
In which case, rest in staying pressed, bitch!
Good night everybody!