Aisha! Your beauty is clear. Stomp on me with the same look. And the same look.

Crystal! That Greenhouse look was everything! Honestly. Then.. well.. fuck I don’t know, stick some buttons on it!

Paz! Or.. Enobaria! Girl you’ve honestly taught me the way, since season 1. Happy 70th Birthday.

Holden! A big snatch game! An even bigger personality! But wheres the buldge, big boy?

Plai Statión! You remind me of if Ash and Dawn had a baby. I don’t think Pikachu approves…

Mustard! Girl you must visit the Bahamas a lot. Your skin tone changes every week.

And Twinkies! If you’re going to pull out the whip so hard this season.. Just be sure to spit all over me too 🥰

And oh my god Baylor! You’re not complaining.. I forgot you were here.

*bows*
Lol I love you all. Drag me. 👏

Alright Im going to fail this since I'm shit at reading but here we go!

Plai! I loved you're snatch game, I am such a Danganrompa fan... plus I can relate to your performance of you falling asleep constantly, because that's what you're doing in this competition.

Baylor! No

Aisha! You've been a staple to this drag community, and it's always nice to see you as the runner-up again and again and again and again and again and again and again....Moral of the story you ain't winning bitch.

Mustard! You know you should change your name to KETCHUP Monroe because that's what you need to do in this competition.

You call yourself cheeky spice but with an ass like that you aren't

LaOddity! Honestly I'm not going to read you because your looks fuel my nightmares please make it stop.

Holden! Honestly they say drag kings would make a big improvement to drag races... I didn't know they were talking about your feet.

last but not least Enobaria, I just have one question... when are you joining Phila and Sasha?

Oh yeah one last thing TALIAN I SHOULD HAVE FUCKING WON BIG BROTHER THE MUSICAL YOU RIGGING BITCH!

Thank you and I love (mostly) all of you please don't take any of these personal

Aishah Ali: Not since the great Jiggly Caliente has a queen made dressing up in garbage look so mediocre!

Baylor Vuitton: Honestly, so far you've been phoning it in so much that you're singlehandedly keeping AT&T afloat.

Crystal Clear. You are much like the nation of Italy. The upper half is pretty, the lower half is poor, crime-ridden, and has been plundered by more countries than the ass of a Nashville prostitute

Enobaria: You are from Argentina, a country that's name means "silver." Which is fitting, because I seriously can't picture you getting the gold!

LaOddity: You won the first season of this Drag Race! Now, if only your Survivor skills were on the same level...

Mustard "Cheeky Spice" Monroe with the Good Snacks: You have a lot in common with the condiment you're named after. One day, you're smooth and golden. The next day, you're brown and coarse. But no matter what form you take, your gas is still a weapon of chemical warfare

Plai Station, you have a great drag name, but it's not very fitting for you. Try "Atari 2600!" That'll tell people the quality they can expect.

It’s time to give these “children” a read...except for LaOddity because fuck you’re old!

Crystal Clear...your head might not be clear from the Crystal meth you smoke, was that last runway Katy Perry meets high school musical?

Holden Richards, you look like you belong in Elder Scrolls than a drag competition!

Baylor Vuitton, sis with what I’ve seen you should rename to Baylor Thriftstore!

Plai Station, being fat isn’t a personality trait. I’m scared to be left alone with you incase you eat up all thissssss *Mustard feels her body figure*

Enobaria, I liked you better in the second Hunger Games movie!

Well, well, wel...



Miss Baylor!
Oh my GOD. Here we have the highest PPE girl ever. I know, if I wouldn't know, I wouldn't guessed neither.

Dear Play Statión!
What outstanding sense of style... Said no one.

Aishah Ali!
I always admired your hability to take a pile of nonsense objets and with that create another pile of nonsense objetcs.

Trinity The Cheeky Spice!
Johnny Deep called. He want all his faces back.

LaOddity!
Baby, you know that I love you. But my grandma is still asking me when you're gonna stop stealing her bath curtains.

Sir Holden Richards!
Some may feel threatened by your recent Win, but you know what they say, no matter how high you arrive, it matters that you always end up shitting it at the end.

Crystal Clear!
The last time I saw you we were on Rubes and Joco's and you had no talent, no design skills and a poor performance. Well, I guess some things never change.

Mother Talian!
In a scale from 1 to 10, I would qualify your singing skills as "Kill me now, please".

Plai Statión's reads

Crystal Clear... I think Opaque would be a better name for you. I'm kidding of course, there really one thing about you that's crystal clear... The fact that you don't have any legs.

Enobaria! I loved you in Bootleg Opinions, but you're a little on the slow side aren't you? I mean, you can't even spell Fake right.

Aishah Ali. A face and body that belongs on Love Island...
And a fashion sense that belongs in the bin.

Mustard Monroe. You like to think of yourself as the spicy queen like your namesake but in reality you're more like wasabi... pungent.

These reads these haggy hobos, hunty!

Some people will have fame, fortune, and an opportunity to be on TV! And LaOddity, I know your uber shift starts in 15 minutes, so I’ll try to keep this short.

Mustard Monroe, you seem to have forgotten to read me during this mini challenge! That’s okay though because you also forget to apply your makeup every time you step down the runway! That might be why your Naughty Nighties runway looked so realistically like the moon- very cratered.

Enobaria, you were my mentor on season 3! It was great to talk to you, however, you were about as useful and helpful Plai Station’s corset.

Baylor Vuitton, I think you should just make like your ancestor, Louis, and pass away.

Crystal Clear, nobody wants to hear what you are saying ever. It’s just so irrelevant. It almost just sounds like you’re speaking whale. However, don’t actually speak whale because Phila might hear you and return to the competition.

Talian, you’re so old, your oldest gentleman caller was Alexander Graham Bell.

After some of the stuff I say tonight, people may think "Wow Aishah, your reads are mediocre". I could lose friends, lose gigs, lose a lot of opportunities because I am seen as mediocre and unfunny. ....Wow, I am finally going to know what it is like to live like Holden Richards.