Chris - You were my best friend in the game. Someone I confided in, not just for game stuff, but also some very personal stuff that not a lot of people in my life know about. I knew you're a gamer, so I didn't expect much from you in the game at the beginning, but then you said I was your friend for real and that made me believe that you would have my back as much as I had yours. I took the fall for you on the Brian-Nick situation and I had opportunities to vote you out, but I didn't. In return, I got you and Kara talking mad shit behind my back. Why? And aside from this, not a lot of people know, but you pulled some heavy strings in the game and I feel like you're underrated for that.
I honestly am sorry for talking shit about you in this game because I would be a hypocrite to not say I acted like a victim and was annoying in this game as well. I think the reason that I talked about you like that was because I was using a defense mechanism. I used projection as a defense mechanism because I was projecting all my insecurities onto your own insecurities. It is extremely dumb on my part because as I told you.. you're more like me than anyone else in this game. We have the same ups and downs it felt like I was looking in a mirror. It was often surreal and scary to me how much we had in common in terms of outside the game. I was in denial of the person I really was because I have this wall up with most people and I'm not usually as open with people as I used to me. I have tough skin and for you to actually break it? A very different experience for me. Projecting my insecurities onto you is the worst because it makes you feel like shit when I should be dealing with my issues on my own and not blaming someone else for them through ridicule of someone else with the exact same issues I'm going through. You were a friend to me in this game when I treated you like nothing at times. You told me the truth that I never wanted to hear. I was in denial of what you told me sometimes because my wall was already broken with you. The simple lesson I learned is I'm my own worst enemy. I can't blame others for my own problems and I hope you can forgive me on the things I should have believed and the things I said as well.
I do feel I'm a bit underrated in some aspects of this game, but people never really know what everyones exact strategy is in the game. For some people its easier to figure it out, and with me its probably the most difficult. Survivor to me is not about making flashy moves when I do not need to. I go into every group game with the intention of playing a different way each time. I'm never a fan of the big moves look good on your resume card because why pull off a big move just for the entertainment? Likewise I had a hand in every single person's vote out with the exception of Hoop's and Stephen losing in the tie-breaker challenge. I can try to get people to understand my game in depth, but convincing them is a whole another process that takes a lot of skill. I may not win this game, but I made it here and I'm proud of it at the end of the day. My strategy may have been undermined or messy at times, but we all can be messy when were clouded emotionally. Underestimation of people can backfire on people. People underestimated me while I overestimated the people I thought I could trust. Survivor is complicated, and you just have to figure yourself out along the way.