Finally, justice. I was banned without reason in 2009 because Genevere had a personal vendetta against me. Now, almost four years later and years of my fellow lad Gulliver (FrOntIeRpSyChIaTrIsT ) pretending to be me to boost his reputation.
On a chilly Sunday night in November 2008, my friend Dru linked me to this website and said "look, online Big Brother!" and tbh I wasn't really interested because first of all I don't like Big Brother and it just didn't sound appealing, but I clicked anyway and the whole concept confused me, I didn't really understand what was so special about it, but Dru & I decided to sign up and join our first game anyway. I met people in there who I didn't necessarily like at first (cheeky cheeky ;p) but with some of them I went on to become really good friends with, and technically I guess today marks our 1 year anniversary as "friends" too. I had no intentions of staying for another game after the first, but we just decided to randomly stay on and "troll" one of the best things we did was convince the whole website we were gay and everyone was pissed off at us, good times. After that, I just got a bit addicted, joined a few Stars games, made more friends but it's quite weird that I made it a year, really doesn't seem like a long time.
Well, after like a year things eventually get old, I've come to the point where I expected to be at like a week after I signed up, it's finally not exciting anymore! Good in most ways, but it's not like being on Tengaged affected my life, same as being off Tengaged doesn't make me do anything more productive, but it's a bit schnide imo just fucking it off without even a blog since August and it's a bit schnide just cutting off all contact with all the friends I made in a year's time (no homo) without anything, even if it is just an online game, which is something alot of people forget lately, the social side of Tengaged is nowhere near as good as it was a year ago today, but as a website it's improved and I do love all of the new features! Enough waffling, just thought I'd mention everyone I've considered a good friend since I joined, even if we don't like eachother now/have lost contact.
BengalBoy - Obviously mate you're number one on the list. You probs know more about me than anyone else in the world who isn't immediate family, I'm not gonna say much though cuz I didn't even meet you on 'ere and it extends way beyond this site. Good on ya guys.
Tess11 - Gotta say my favourite person on Tengaged who I actually met on Tengaged, if that makes sense! Such a funny & understanding person and anyone who doesn't know you is missing out! Ik hou van jou, but like Dru I know you more off Tengaged than on it probs, so no corny messages here pal :3
Walters/MrWalters/BennetWorlsly/Suraj_Livestrong etc. - Well I've known you technically since 2004 or summat, but one of the only reasons we became good friends is because of Tengaged. Good times making Emerald leave, exposing Alexis, making Nixx seem like asshole, terrorising Ginny, the god of war etc. and hopefully more to come!
JudgeClunge - You came on Tengaged to judge clunge, and I commend you for that. If I die, promise me that you'll keep judging clunge until you leave.
blogs - You're a habbonizer baby. We don't really interact on Tengaged, and I don't think we've been in a game, MSN is where it's at boyo (y)
Richpaca - He may never read this which is sad, but he was one of my first pals on Tengaged and one of the only ones who didn't initially get wound up while me & Dru were pissing everyone off last December, so I've known him almost a year and we've had some right old pantos! What with Sara Kendall, Sench, froguin and all that bollocks, he's a real stand up guy!
AndyShields - Gwen Stefani gone horribly wrong. I'll always remember you as the not-quite-emo Blondie fan who I used to hate for being a poetry boffin but you redeemed yourself in our late night chats on MSN back in the day and when you became one of the founding fathers of the NEC. We played a fair few games together, and I always have a cheeky giggle at the time me & Dru peer pressured you into taking a "Who's that Pokémon?" pic in your old rugby shorts.
Patrick7893 - Patty boy! It sounds weird when I say I've known you for a year, but I have! When I met you, you were a 22 year old chef, a master-chef runner up and you were living in New York specializing in Italian cuisine. One year on, you've de-aged and you're a 15 year old fat lesbian from Delaware who joins Stars every week. Maybe Tengaged didn't have such a great effect on you, but since like August you've been a loyal friend and you have a good sense of humour, I'll be in touch, but for now go bacj to being a chef.
Emmaleigh - One year! Even though we never speak anymore and we both got new sets of friends, once upon a time we were biffers. Ever since our first game you've been chill and you're still the only person on here who knows where I live, including Dru, unless I have a stalker I'm not aware of. We've never exactly had problems with eachother, we've been on the opposite side in games but it didn't affect anything outside of it, and I'm glad you decided to join a Casting game the day I decided to join and since then we got married, played in like 10 games, and probably both turned into bigamists, but it's all part o' the game. Congratulations on 1st place in the HoF aswell, you deserve it.
phanne - My favourite ever Tengasian and one of the most level headed people on here, and one of the best when it comes to playing games. I remember disliking you at first, influenced by my friends at the time but I met you through Rich's "Psyche Out" game and then ended up in Stars 13 and became friends and since then everything's been tight. Stay asian!
Maggie - Well you started off as a 17 year old Cali girl, that's who I became friends with, and along with Rich we found out the truth :P It came out eventually, but Arsen > Maggie and you're defo one of the coolest, loyalest and most laid back people I've met on here, you don't take it too seriously and you have very few enemies, next summer we'll vacay to Armenia and you can feed me dolma under the moonlight.
xxJaym - Lol.
Kathreya/Kaffreya - I remember I voted you in Stars 3 for using Sinéad's pic and soon after I won that Shot at Hate thing, pretty cool if you ask me, LOL! Locust plagues were fun times and finding out we knew a few of the same people from a dark corner of the web, yeah, it was pretty alright.
Haskova - There's been ups and downs but in the end you've always been loyal in games and good with advice outside, beneath your outspoken attitude and bitchiness you're smart and look out for the people you're friends with alot, and no one can fault that. Girl, ya thigh!
Alisowned - I know you'll read this at some point, and you started off as just another Misfit who used to join games occasionally, then we spoke alot, mainly just about bullshit and when the Misfits ended you were the one I talked to the most after that, I dunno if anything you ever told me was even true, you could never tell with you, but at the time it was fun talking, or should I say fin talking?
chrissyhill01 - Haven't spoken to you for ages, don't really want to and I don't know what to say now either, but at one point you were a good friend, but things change, and they get dealt with. You're a nice enough person and good luck with life.
Genevere - The biggest troll on Tengaged, you just go round pointlessly trolling everyone like a god of war, it gets old after a while, that along with your constant flirting with anyone who will listen, your denial of events, etc. etc. but I liked you at one point, and supported you when you won Stars. Then again, I also used to listen to Gary Glitter's "I'm The Leader Of The Gang" before he was found tickling young Vietnamese girls.
JJJJ - Thought I'd put you in, we were good friends for a while, then I went off you a bit LOL but now I think you're alright again. I remember in Digital Brother when I drew you in a Man Utd shirt, I've lost that pic now but I have a photographic memory. It's hard to talk to you these days, being in Irish Sea Time and all, but I hope all goes well for you!
Cosgrove - Éoghan Géaroid James Cosgrove, you've been like a son to me in these past 12 months. Back when we were picking beans in Guatemala, we used to drink fresh coffee, and you've been sound in general, you're a decent Irishman which is quite rare. Enjoy the World Cup next summer.
dramallama56 - You've been cool since I first met you, and we generally used to work well together in games, save for that time when we got held at gunpoint by a masked Haskova. Good times nontheless.
knixuk - You're a good guy. Everyone's a plonker if they don't realize that.
EcoFriendlyCody - I love you man. I first met you for being eco friendly, because as everyone knows I am too, I always put my brown bottles in the brown bottle bin, but we quickly bloomed into top mates, and pen pals. Can't wait til you stay over in Spring!
kpelletier09 - Damn yous a scentsy bitch. It was good when we used to have mic calls and when you used to randomly troll Ginny with me & Walters, you're funny and down to earth and I wish you all the best!
LillyXoXo - Carlsberg don't do Australian Tengagers, but if they did, you'd probably be the best Australian Tengager in.. well, Australia.
KingMac - WHADDABOSS. Plenty a' people don't like Mac, but he's alright like. Most of his shit is trolling, and he isn't actually a pedo, unlike another member of the website who's so-worshipped. Mac's a top boy.
G2bAndrew - WHAT CAN YA DO WITH A POWERCUT?
Alex1991 - The chink from the Saturdays, who no one ever loved. You're safe, even if you bummed Chima who was shit as fuck, and my favourite Tengaged midlander, including Dru aswell that cheeky asshole. You're the pride of Lincoln.
brianmertz - Brian and his mertz in two thousand and errtz.
BlueStar - Overrated as a hairdresser, but none the less you are a god fearing man. Always have a schnide comment or two up your sleeve, but that's why people like you. Best designer on the site aswell probably, surely? Yeah, surely.
EssexGirl/indiamay - From the games I played with you you're an interesting person to get to know and you've alot of common sense and advice to give out to people which is especially useful on a website in which gender-confused puffy males are the majority.
Smartguy95 - An aspiring lad until you disappeared off the face of the fuckin Earth. You'll always be a lad in my heart, and the big black angel of the north.
pablito - Little Pablo. You're one of the rubbishest latin heartthrobs I've ever seen mate, probably worse than Enriqué Iglésias, but you're right the funny one, AndyShields and I are in love with your tales of debauchery. You're a right ol' character and extremely intelligent, you're my one eyed snake.
ErikDelko - You always used to constantly pop up in my early games just causing aggro, with you and your violent ways, the Delko family truly are amazong.
Urienation - You were sixth form top boy at one point, until you just basically stopped coming on as much and we never really talked. Yer a decent lad though, and alot smart and witty for your age, your named after that tosser out of Panic At The Disco though, that's gay as fuck.
Chris99x - Have you run away? :P
And there's many other people who obviously I've considered myself "friends with" at some point on Tengaged, but I'd be on for fucking days writing paragraphs and no one is probably still reading this anyway.
&& everyone else I ever played with, or if you commented my blog, or if I commented yours, if you evicted me, I evicted you etc. etc. it's all been part of the experience!
--
Umm sorry for the long blog I was feeling nostalgic at the time, haha! I think that's it for now, wish me a happy birthday! One year old today.
P.S. If you think you deserved to be mentioned by name on here, either I genuinely forgot (there's alot of names to go through and alot of people met over 52 weeks -_-) or tbh you just weren't as memorable as you thought you were. :P
P.P.S. above is Gary McConn (2cool4school) discussing his horror dvd collection, thought it was a good watch.
This is it! The one you've all been waiting for! With more twists than a game of Bop It!
We had just bumped into Stephen French, known around the Mersey as "The Devil" simply because he was so hellish. He had just announced to us there and then that he was indeed a bad man and had killed Keith Richards, so you can understand why Sam & I were afraid.
"Fiddle me doo, fiddle me dee. A riddle for you, and a riddle for me." chimed Frenchy as he danced about with a violin on his neck in true Alexander Rybak fashion. Even though he snapped a bowstring, the tune continued to play as if by magic.
"Sorry lads, wasn't being malicious there. But Keithy boy there was leading you into a trap" said Frenchy, and we realized he was here to help. Sam Lowton begun uncontrollably crying. He pulled Stephen's trouser leg up and began running the hairs on his leg across his lips and nose, and enjoyed every last bit.
"Don't mind him ;p" I said. "He's been through alot."
Stephen told us that we had to move, NOW. So we moved. And moved. And moved. He told us to follow his lead which we did, but he wasn't leading us out of Netherley via the shortcut which I would have liked, we were instead using the regular route out. "What's the meaning of this?", I asked.
"We're just making a short stop at M&S. They have a penny bazaar on. I want my five cans of retro drink" replied Frenchy.
We arrived at Marks & Spencers and it obviously wasn't a safe place to be. Thousands of people were queued outside wanting their penny items, it was such a rawkus croud. I saw my Kenyan coworker, Jabba, raise a triumphant hand in the air as she emerged from the store with a bag of retro confectionery in hand. She had honestly succeeded.
The crowd obviously didn't faze Stephen. "Here's one I learned from Jim Davidson ;)" he said with a wink as he barged right through the crowd and demanded his retro drink. But.. a challenger approaches! It was only Stephen's arch enemy. Stuart "Car Boot" Cooper.
Cooper never misses a chance at a bargain, and you bet he was here at the penny bazaar trying to pick up a few low cost tea towels. It beats the hustle and bustle of a Sunday morning car boot, after all. And he wasn't having any of Stephen's barging.
"Oi, wanker!" shouted Stuart as he threw a well placed punch in Stephen's jaw. Stephen fell to the ground, and I remember feeling really disappointed at how weak he was. Something was fishy. The real Stephen wouldn't be floored in one bat. He stumbled back towards me and grinned. He had lost four teeth.
---Just then, I noticed that his neck had a flap. He wasn't... he wasn't wearing a mask was he? I think he was. Me & Sam both thought so. I ripped it off, and to my horror......
"Andrew Sachs moseys into the story." smiled Sachs as I pulled off the Frenchy mask to reveal the aging Fawlty Towers star!
"I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you meddling kids!" said Sachs angrily.
I couldn't believe it. I was in shock and awe. It was only bloody Andrew Sachs! As I looked down I realized that he was wearing a Frankie says... RELAX! T-shirt. My limited edition one. Surely he wasn't affiliated with the crocky crew? He must have been.
"Look out, Sam" I screamed as Sachs threw a fist at Lowton's face. No fakes here, just pure connection. Sachs looked pretty pleased with himself as Lowton slumped to the floor, knocked out. I knew I was next, so I had to do something about it quick. I whacked out my backup phone, the Nokia 3310. The one my friend had modified to receive video calls. And I just dialled the first number of my speed dial.
Ring ring...
..
..
..
Ring ring...
..
..
..
He picked up. I told him to come.
"I like to call this one the Sachs bomb ;)" smirked Sachs
I held off Sachs' punches for a while and so he went on the true offensive. He unzipped his black pinstripe trouser legs and began trying to wipe his smegma on my clothes. I was really grossed out and almost fainted but I kept my wits about me and tried to remain stable. It was now mind over matter.
I was about to go. The smell was just too much. To make matters worse, Sachs had now pulled out that Sachsophone. That love trombone and was playing such a melody, I couldn't keep my eyes open. It was as if this was an IRL performance by a Jigglypuff. Just as I was about to drop off to sleep, I heard a voice.
"I'm here". I looked round and to my amazement, standing there was the person I had phoned ten minutes previously. And the man who can fix all this. Sportacus 10.
I watched in amazement as Sportacus unleashed his deadly arsenal of moves on the older and frailer Andrew Sachs as I tended to Sam Lowton who was now just waking up from the knockout blow dealt by the old codger. Andrew was no match for Sportacus, and in what was true poetic justice, Sportacus swiped the Sachsophone, that love trombone, and lamped Andrew Sachs over the head with it.
The police arrived and took me back to Sam's house where his mother, Linda Lowton was waiting for us with freshly made prawn sandwiches. I turned them down, however, when I noticed that the bread had huge finger marks in it.
That next day, we watched the new Star Trek movie down at the local cinema. "What did you think of that, Sam?" I said.
"I laughed so much at the litany of cliches that I finally had to admit I was entertained from start to finish by this cheesy knock-off." is what he replied.
..
4 years later....
# Sportacus is back in Iceland, doing what he does best. Perving on 10 year old females.
# Sam Lowton is now off his drug habit and has been relocated to Brighton with his mother Linda after receiving death threats.
# Me? A dignified chuckle.
# Sachs? Away for a very long time.
# The real Stephen French was found unharmed and later went onto appear on Sky 1's "Ross Kemp On Gangs"
# Stuart "Car Boot" Cooper now runs his own car boot stall in Leek selling antique cermic cats.
