So I’ve had some time to process that Matt has passed away. I think i’m still in shock. I just found out that it was suicide and this feels like a failure on my part. Matt and I were certainly close until he died but we haven’t been as close as we once were. We used to spend a large part of our time talking on call or coming up with creative ways to troll the site. I had no idea that he even considered suicide and I feel like if Matt and myself were still inseparable like we used to be, he might still be alive.
Matt was an amazing friend to me in so many ways. It all started out when me and him played a fasting together. I trusted him, he played me, and he managed to get his first win ever. After that, me and Matt didn’t talk for a long time but we added each other because there were no hard feelings over that game. It’s odd to think that if I was bitter towards him for blindsiding me that me and him would have never gotten to be such good friends. Eventually, I became his number 2 friend and the more and more he called me one of his best friends, the more and more we actually became best friends.
Matt got into group games a little after I did and we both grew together on the site. We both started hosting around the same time, we both stayed at about an equal color level for a while and we had so much fun together doing it. Matt even taught me my multi-making skills. After a while on this site, I left and after I did, so did Matt. I came back before he did which is how I progressed on the site without him.
When Matt came back, we continued to have loads of fun, for anyone who doesn’t know (and I don’t think many people do). Matt was Imthebaldman and after him being the bald man stopped annoying me. We came up with fun and creative ways to mess with people using it such as the “Church of Bald” the fraternity. After the frat died, we weren’t as inseparable as before. Matt moved onto ORGs and I never had the time to play them. We talked a lot still, Matt was in my group game before he died and he was voted out a couple days after his death due to a self-vote. I tried to text him to get him to vote but I had no clue that he had died. It wasn’t even a suspicion of mine. I thought he must have been taking a long break when he went off for so long which he has done before.
I don’t know if i’ve processed that Matt is gone yet. He was hilarious, smart, caring, and the sweetest person. He nearly never failed to bring a smile to my face. I don’t have many friends irl so I’ve always gone on here not only to have fun and play games but to meet people like me who are the ones I develop real friendships with. And It’s not a stretch at all to say that Matt was my best friend, even if I wasn’t his.
I know Matt can’t be reading this, he’s dead and I don’t belive that there is a Heaven or anything. I just belive that when your dead, it’s like sleeping forever but I still want to say something to Matt. And I can’t find better words to say to Matt then the words I said almost 2 years ago when I left tengaged so here it is with some slight modifications. Matt, you were the closest person I had on this site, the person I trusted the most, and one of the only people who I felt understood me. Matt, you are the reason why I didn't leave this crappy site a long time ago and why i’m still on it today. You have always been there for me and I've almost always been able to trust you. So thank you Matt for single-handedly making this experience for me. I love you.
Noah, please don't blame yourself. You were his best friend on this site. If you ever just want to call for hours and talk, then please let me know bud.
I'm sorry for your loss. Even though he's not here anymore, I hope you take comfort in the fact that you met someone who made you happy and that you genuinely considered a friend.
Noah, through everything we've been through, I love you. You are a wonderful person and know that you are not in this fight alone. Many people are here for you. It hurts like hell that he's really gone, but life goes on. We will forever remember Matt as a wonderful person.
I love you buddy!
Keep fighting the good fight.
