completely unrelated to my past on tengaged but yeah judge me based on that all you want I guess. It's time to go. *cracks knuckles*
I just want to start off by saying that contrary to the stuff I do and say on tengaged, my confidence level irl is very low and it took me 21 years alone to be comfortable with even getting into a photo. I've always had tons of trouble fitting in and that's mainly because of my social anxiety but even then I always had a person I could count on for help and whatever else I need. As I got older and people moved on to different things and I have turned in the wrong direction to try to find someone to count on like I just mentioned.. that wrong direction is this website.
People on this website can be very cruel, they can also be some of the nicest and most genuine people you may ever meet. I have witnessed a fair share of things occur on this website that have made me terrified of letting people in. Even growing up on this website and turning into a completely different person than I was at age 15, I still wonder what would've and could've happened had I did things differently. Could a positive influence have bettered me in life and others around me on this website?
I had a very tough time in school. I bounced around from High School to High School for my 4 years and even stayed in an abusive boarding school for a little bit. I watched my peers get beat up by staff members, damn adults that they were left with no choice but to trust with stuff. Prior to that, I was never a popular kid, things never really went my way... I was only brought to parties due to my neighbor being the most popular kid in school and us being childhood friends. I still felt like I didn't fit in and my social anxiety kinda kicked me in the ass in those situations.
Which leads me to my next point of post school... What is there to do now? I am 22 years old. I currently (can't) drive a car and have to wait until quarantine ends to continue in my plans to get my license back. What future do I even have? I am in college for Hospitality but even then, which hotel or restaurant will hire a kid who probably only remembered 25% of what he learned in school.
About a month ago I ended a very difficult relationship with someone who I felt trapped with. I could never tell her that and I am not going to air our dirty laundry to the public. Not sure whether she will see this or not but if she does then oh well, she has me blocked so yeah! That's not the point. I have always been able to express myself through music, writing and my very interesting sense of humor. I have never been known as the "attractive" guy so it was always difficult to form connections with fellow GenZs who were brought up to believe that being shallow and going for people based on how they look is ok.
Continuing what paragraph 5 was about, I often see myself chasing people who want nothing to do with me. Whether it's as a friend or in a romantic type way. (hence my constant blogs about... say... beautybelle or fetish for example). I try too hard. I try to keep a conversation going and end up embarrassing myself. Not saying Annabelle or Leah go for looks over anything because I really don't know what their preference is but I am just using an example! I think it sucks I am looked down on because of my appearance when I truly am one of the most loyal, patient and genuine people when it comes to a relationship.
In conclusion, I have met 6 people from this website in real life and all of them still remain my friend today. From a 10 minute chat at a train station to a 2 day meetup and walk around the biggest city in North America, It's safe to say I've done what I needed to do to move on from my anxiety. Still the fact that I have it shocks me. My stomach crumbles, I sweat, vomit or do whatever.. It's just not the same. Anxiety hurts, it sucks. NO ONE is alone because I know there are others out there who feel what I feel. I am a helping hand to anyone who needs it. Thanks.
Love you Joe ❤ I know it's hard being on this site firsthand. There's a lot of shitty people here, but theres also a lot of great people here that love and support you. While I've met some horrible people here, some of my favorite people on this planet came from here, and they're more supportive than anyone I know.
As far as the post school, theres a lot of people who don't have their license, so I wouldn't stress about that, and as far as everyone else is concerned, most people don't remember shit from school LOL. Half that stuff is useless anyways. Regardless, any job would be lucky to have you. You're a sweet guy who goes completely out of his way to make sure his friends are happy. You might've had some bad luck with interactions with people here any otherwise, but you're young and you'll have time to meet more people.
Thank you for being a great friend and sharing. It's nice to know theres someone to talk to when I'm feeling down. You're able to joke around no matter what and being a positive vibe to every chat you're in. My pms are always open if you want to talk!
Sister let me tell you something. You get your Hospitality degree and you make sure you are proud of it, you are showing employers that you did something that around 70% of Americans cannot do which is receive a College degree despite your anxiety and despite your struggles nobody can take your education away from you king.
you don't need to write "Continuing what paragraph 5 was about" to transition into your next paragraph, you can use a word like "additionally", "moreover", "furthermore" or specifically in your case, "consequently"
Joe, I’ve known you for a while now, and I have to say that you never cease to amaze me with your personal growth. You don’t have as easy a life as other people, and you have your own issues, but you never let that keep you down. You’ve been knocked down so many times and yet you continue to get back up and try time and time again. You have really grown up a lot and bettered yourself these last couple years and continue to strive to do better. You are one of the strongest people I know and can’t wait to see where life takes you. Everything is looking up for you joe, and you deserve every bit of it ❤️
awww you made me feel some sort of normalcy when i was up there during radiation (even if it was me sneaking out of my hotel room for 10 minutes, lol) I am so thankful for our friendship even if im not that active on here <3
I love you, Maturo. You and I have a lot more in common than you probably realize. I have struggled with really bad anxiety throughout my life as well, and it's definitely not pleasant. I love that despite all of your struggles, you try to come off as a very friendly, cheerful, funny, happy person. You make me laugh all of the time, and you're always an extremely loyal and caring friend to people. You know you can always talk to me, anytime, about any thing and I will be there for you.
Joe you're such a sweet person and I know how hard it can be to open up like that in front of people. I know how hard living with anxiety is. I'm always here for you I hope you know. You have always been such a good friend to me even when I've been a bad one for not being around. You're such a strong and beautiful soul <3
Hey maturo I know we haven't talked much, but in our short conversations I've always felt that you were a good dude with good intentions. I appreciate you opening up like this, especially on Tengaged, that takes some balls
Get that degree! You might feel like it will be worthless, but its not. Regardless if you think you’ll “only remember 25% of your degree”, that doesn’t take the diploma out of your hands. You will earn it. Don’t give up!
I am sorry Maturo. But you are one of the most genuine person I have met on the website. The real world can be cruel but we need good people like you to hang in there, to make this place a beautiful place, just like you! And you are a Cutie!!! Love ya!
