Happy Birthday. Also I know its hard, because peoples initial reaction is to find excuses.Try to not let the past effect how you are today, trust me shit like that eats you alive. Just think ahead, focus on yourself and see what can help you have a better attitude on your life and the bigger picture overall.
Also Joe another thought is to just take a small break in general. Not because of tengaged in general. I notice you like to talk about your problems on here alot which isnt a bad thing but sometimes its better to take measures to better yourself over having people tell you how much they like you every now and then. Like you know who your friends are and they most likely love you, you dont need to be reminded of it every second that rlly only helps for like a day or two, yknow what i mean?