Now, I actually worked at Dairy Queen for a little over 3 years, however the work periods were broken up because I went to Moes and Five Guys (we all know how that turned out). However, one summer I was desperately looking for a job because my refund money was running out. I saw and ad on Craigslist saying Dairy Queen was hiring. I convinced my good friend Hannah to the live job interviews hosted at Best Western. I got the job after a short interview with a lesbian named Mel.
Well, apparently they had hired like 40 people so over the course of the opening week they could fire people who sucked. One 40 year old lady got fired because she could not make an ice cream cone, but had apparently worked at a DQ in the past. Another was talking to me and this other gay guy who worked their Zack, and was telling us how glad she got the job because she could cut back hours at her other place of employment Dollar General and spend more time with her daughter. She got fired like 5 minutes later for talking instead of working. However, Zack and I were chatting and never got a warning.
Ashleigh (diff than Moes Ashleigh) was our general manger, and shit started going downhill when the people she hired were lowkey sexual predators. Also Ashleigh I think was in the process of getting her gender changed from male to female (idk it was very confusing). However, she hired one manager Chris who was telling some other straight guys who worked their, that he wanted to tie me and Zack up and fuck us both at the same time. Like he was revealing his deepest darkest sexual fantasies while grilling burgers. He promptly got fired. Then one day a girl named Megan and I had to open the store with Mel. However, an hour after opening Megan and I were sitting in the parking lot waiting for someone to let us in the store. Apparently, Mel had ran off against her families wishes with her lesbian girlfriend to get married.
Then a older like 50 year old man named Bill got a job because he was Ashleighs best-friend. Everything was fine until he started trying to pull up both me and Zacks shirt so he could touch our underwear and say inappropriate stuff. He also told Hannah I was his type and that he would make a fake grindr to solicit pictures from me. Hannah being my girl promptly told me to be wary of any guys on grindr for a while. Also even the straight males were scared of Bill. However, nothing seemed to phase Ashleigh. Although I never admitted what he did to me, and only to the owner of our store a young stingy Asian man named Daniel. (this was when I came and ask for my job back and he asked why I left). So I lowkey ranked the first part of Dairy Queen low because I was a victim of sexual assault. Dont worry though it never really effected me that much even though it was rather inappropriate. Now that we have discussed the dark parts Ill give you highlights of the crazy amazing parts.
1. Tabitha getting promoted to manager only to get fire a day later for yelling at a customer. Apparently she knew some bitch and the bitch was giving her a hard time so Tabitha said come and fight me after my shift.
2. My straight asian boss asking me if gay bottoms like to be referred to as girls. (dont attack him he had never really interacted with gay people and was trying to learn) I then had to teach him how gay sex worked by giving in a demonstrations with a packet of hot fudge and a pump handle.
3. An ice cream machine blowing up and shooting pounds of liquid soft serve all over me and a girl named Natasha.
4. Me literally begging everyone to take place in this kickball restaurant league, but no one wanted to do it because it cost 30 dollars a person. I was able to convince Daniel to pay for us all and we entered the league and ended up winning the whole thing.
5. Me recruiting a college level soccer player to be on our kickball team, he was this like douchey straight guy that I became friends with after I helped him with econ homework. We gave him a uniform and pretended he worked with us
6. Hannah and I being made fun of by members of the other kickball team in the championship match because were were considered dead weight, and the guys from Starbucks were saying you two are only winning because your team is good and yall suck (he said we did nothing all day). Then the next time he kicked the ball Hannah and I caught it together getting him out and we ran around the field rubbing it in his face. Hannah and were made to play the same field position because we were bad at catching.
7. Hannah and I demanding we go first in the kicking line up because we knew we could get to first and seconds base, and then we had the soccer player kick us into home with home runs.
8. Me explaining to a customer why Dairy Queen could not take a Dunkin Donuts coupon
9. Hannah and I finding a giant bag of weed left on our floor and splitting it.
10. Everyones overtime getting accidentally added to my check giving me a 800$ check that I cashed. Daniel was insanely rich so when he realized what happened he let me keep the money.
11. Getting to drive Daniels Tesla to get him Chinese food.
