So, my best friend took my virginity last week and this week he's talking to a girl. Now I feel used and upset. I guess all the times i sucked his dick and did stuff like that for him was just because he was horny and needed a release. Then he says he needs my company, but the only time he needs it when he's horny it seems like that, other then that he pretty much tells me to he doesn't care he sees me all the time. It's so easy to tell when he's horny too, he's more huggy and around me more and when he's not horny, he's more distant and doesn't care. I really love him too and whenever I point out that he doesn't care about me as much as I care about him, he get upset and smacks or hits me saying he does, but your actions say otherwise sometimes. Like using me for sex and then throwing me away once you finally got a girl to talk too, how's that suppose to make me feel? Then my dumbass told him I just want him to be happy and wished him luck with the girl, but really inside I'm hurting. Faking a smile so he doesn't worry because I worried him enough, I mean he's a good friend since he got me to stop cutting my wrist and self harming, I put him through hell with that, so he isn't a bad friend at all. He's just stupid sometimes and doesn't realize his actions can hurt other people because he's just thinking about himself sometimes. I'm thinking about distancing myself from him, slowly, because every time I try and push him away he gets upset, and he says he needs me and shit. So I have to do it slowly, so he doesn't realize I'm doing it because our friendship is destructive in my opinion. Also I'd laugh if the girl can't get his dick hard, because so far I'm the only person that's actually gotten his dick up which is funny because he says he's not gay supposedly, you ain't straight either then. He says my presence is enough to get him hard sometimes which is really funny.
Hopefully things will work itself out and knowing my dumbass I'll stay by his side trying to make sure he's happy at the cost of my own because I love him and I'm loyal :/ Plus he's my first everything, that's probably why I love him so much.
