But the gauze is staying on there, I'm afraid to take the gauze off, I don't want it to start bleeding again. I'll wait until monday when the doctor looks at it, but this will just remind me to never go that far again, hopefully.
I was in a fragile state that day I did it, and my ex-bestfriend girlfriend was encouraging me to do it because I think she felt threatened and I guess I just broke down and it just happened, granted that isn't the first time she did it. She's been doing it for awhile.
My sister said the gun recoil is probably what saved me because I was aiming for my heart, but missed by an inch the doctors said.
But on the plus side, I at least feel happier atm. I hope it last, but then again it could be the antidepressants that are making me feel happier, IDK.
On Jan. 27th, I took my brothers gun and shot myself in the chest. I missed my heart by 1 inch. I almost didn't make it, but the doctors managed to stabilize me the next morning on Jan. 28th. From the 27th to the 30th I was out and only remember bits and pieces of what happened those days. I woke up with a breathing tube down my throat and a tube in the side of me because my left lung was collapsed. When they pulled out the breathing tube and the tube in my lung it hurt, but it meant I was getting better. my lungs where getting stronger again. Once I was strong enough to stand on my own, they sent me to the Psych ward for 3 days. Which some of the people in there are scary, but most of the people I talked to shouldn't had been in there really, but they were there for a reason like me. The whole event was traumatizing and makes me afraid of myself if I'm actually capable of doing something like that, I'm on antidepressants now and I'm hoping those thoughts never return. I don't like feeling that low, because when your that low your very fragile, so when someone encouraged me to do it, I just broke and don't want to ever be in that dark place again.
I'm just venting btw, because it's better to talk about it then to keep it inside, and what better place to vent then to total strangers. Plus I hope this will help raise suicide and cyberbullying awareness, so people know it's not a joke.
Does it make me heartless if I really don't care if people die or not? Because what's the point of being upset if you know it's going to happen. We all know it's going to happen eventually so I don't get why people get upset when it does, it's to be expected. When I die, I don't want anybody to care, just treat it like another day.
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