So as I said I would. My Truth about suicide.
1stSep 10, 2018
- Yes most of you know that my sister took her life but what most of you don't know is that I also have attempted it. When I was 15 I took a bottle of my dads heart pills and in the same day I tried to inject air into my veins. Life was shit. My dad was abusive. My step mom was a c--t and she pretty much hated me. I had been molested twice at that point and had not had therapy. I had done something wrong and I would have rather had been dead then deal with the abuse I knew was coming. I had seen far too much and had no one to help me. I had reached out to cps. Thinking they would help? yeah they did nothing. It was much easier to put me back in to an abusive home then to find a place for a fucked up teen to go. Go figure.
So what I did to get out? Well I took my little sister phyllie (the one that killed herself) and ran away. Because I was almost 16 cps and the cops decided to step in. They sent me to live with my sister. With out therapy again. I was a fucked up kid. I wish I could paint rainbows for you all and tell you I did this magic thing but I cant. I wont lie. I got diagnosed with Bipolar 2, anxiety and ptsd at 16 after a 21 day stint in the teen phych unit. It took me a long time to find the right doctors. I was 27 ish I think. Yes after I had my son. I woke up one day and looked around and said "fuck this, I want better then this for Mathew". I made an appointment. I found amazing doctors.
Ok so. Its not easy. I had to want to do the work. I have gone threw hell and back with my mental health. I have fears. Like my curtains have to be closed at night. I am afraid of the dark. I am afraid to be alone. All leftover trauma from my past.
Moral of the story. Your life is worth it. My life is worth it. Is it easy to drag your ass up off the bottom? Hell no. But can you do it? Hell Yeah. I did it. More times then I can count. Why? because my life is worth it. Reach out. Ask for help. Call the helpline. Talk to a teacher, hell walk into a hospital and tell them what your plan is. Is it scary? yeah but I promise you, from being on both sides of it. Suicide is not the answer. YOUR LIFE IS WORTH IT>
I am not asking for pity. I am asking that if you ever feel the need to take your life. Reach out to me. Some call me names on here but in the end I would be there for each and ever damn one of you. Even if we clashed in the past. That does not matter. What matter is saving your life.
I am so glad that all those years ago that I did not succeed. Has life been great? I'm laughing. No life was not that great and everyday I face challenges But I'll write more about that in tomorrows. It will all make sense.
So I want to end this on a positive note. Today I am grateful for my friends on here. Some old, some new but all of you have been there for me. Hugs to each of you and know my door is always open.
#SmilemoreForever Tj2807 M_davis1998 Firewolf #Freindsbeforewins Krisstea #wolfpackfamily maddog16 Icarus_mark tcold312 #friendsforlife spikedcurley goodKaren moneyshot 2388 lazeric @pizzawithcookers Bamold1999 City
Finally for the last month I have had Ella, You have been a blessing in my life. shadowman i love you Bugs. Hugs and kisses
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