(I DID NOT COME UP WITH THIS. I STOLE THIS IDEA FROM DONAAM)
if i call your name, please step forward:
ashe
yorick
irelia
kayle
heimerdinger
zilean
ashe (victory): my support an i snapped so hard that i finished my item at 9 minutes! i usually never do that because i have such a hard time csing.
yorick (defeat): i was doing, like, ok...but i died so many times that i just gave up and started split pushing top the rest of the game until i got ganked and died. over and over. also our mid dced so it was very disheartening!
irelia (victory): me oh my, i snapped this game! i was killing the enemy garen over and over again, while also csing very well! it's very hard to mess up one's CS with irelia, after all.
kayle (defeat): just like yorick's game, we had a DC so it was basically 4v5 the entire game. even still, i was taking a lot of fights that i slimly lost to miss gnar that i wouldve won if i took conqueror instead of lethal tempo. the game was just hopeless altogether. from now on i think im gonna redo games with DCs, bc in normals it seems like they are inevitable!
heimerdinger (defeat): i did the most damage on my team, but i still inted a lot and we ended up losing. unlike irelia, heimerdinger is a champion that i dont cs well with despite the fact that they're supposed to be good at it. i cant seem to land his skillshots reliably either. ugh!
zilean (victory): i went glacial augment this game and i finally had fun on this champion for once! i felt like i had a clearer understanding of how to use his combos. like for example, i stopped using my e to slow enemies, but instead to speed me up so i start using my q and auto attacks to cc enemies instead. the only thing i have a problem with in general with him now is his character model is so fuckin ug. i WILL be popping a purch on the sugar rush zilean skin the second it comes out.
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i have made my decision.
zilean, you're safe.
irelia, you dashed circles around your foes this week. congratulations, my dear, you are the WINNER of this week's challenge!
ashe, this week, you proved exactly why they call you war mother...
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congratulations, my dear, you are ALSO the winner of this week's challenge. you two may join the other champions.
heimerdinger, it goes without saying this point. you're in the bottom 2.
kayle, yorick, both of you had a DC in your games. i know now that it is basically impossible to win said games. however... that doesnt excuse your poor performances in your respective games. while i do acknowledge you were at a disadvantage, i doubt either of you would have won either of your games had the missing teammate not DCed.
kayle, im sorry my dear, but you are up for elimination.
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two champions stand before me. heimerdinger, kayle, this is your last chance to impress me and save your nexus from explosion. good luck, and don't fuck it up!
lip sync:
*heimerdinger shakes his wig to and fro*
*kayle spins her swords like batons*
alright, i have made my decision.
kayle, shantay you stay. you may join the other champions.
heimerdinger, where you lacked in utility or prowess on the rift, you dominated in exercising a psychological edge on the enemy. even when way behind, you've proven time and time again that you have the power to tilt your enemies out of the game. your race may be coming to an end here, but know that you always be my favorite yordle in runeterra. fuck the haters, mawma! now...sashay away.
*heimerdinger screams as his hair rocket zips him off the stage*