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Big Brother and online Hunger games.

[S1E1] Survivor: Mama Zu-ca Islands

May 27, 2019 by Zuelke
#MamazucaIslands

PYN to be tagged!

Mamaze
---------
Kelsi, 22, wine blogger
Sara, 28, oil tycoon('s daughter)
Fred, 57, retired Army vet
Julius, 26, model/actor mattress
Neil, 42, therapist
Colin, 45, Survivor crew member
Docia, 23, "free spirit"
Edmée, 33, voodoo shop owner/witch

Mamaza
---------
Chris, 25, engineering student
Aston, 33, truck driver
Lillie, 32, housewife/mother
Keira, 25, assistant
Ladonna, 29, non-profit organizer
Tony, 24, choreographer (NOT gay)
Isaac, 34, marketing exec
Lela, 23, security detail

EPISODE 1: "I hate this tribe."

*dramatic shots of castaways zooming across the sea via motorboat*

Kelsi CF - My friends and family doubted me when I said I'm going on Survivor.  Like, I'm an upper middle class wine blogger from LA, not Bear Grylls.  But I'm willing to go to any lengths to win Survivor.  I'll eat bugs.  BUGS.

Colin CF - I've been on the production crew for Survivor since it started back in '00.  So when they asked me to be on the show, I was thrilled, because naturally, I'm such a big fan!  Albeit the reason I was casted was because some guy dropped out last minute and I was the only one there that would replace him, but hey.  I think I definitely have an edge on the competition.

Chris CF - Survivor is all about competitions, social connections, and strategic gameplay.  And looking around at these guys, I'm definitely the strongest in all three areas.

Keira CF - I put up with enough $%!+ in my real life to last me the rest of my life.  I'm not gonna put up with it here.  If you piss me off, I'm voting you out.  Periodt.

*Mama Zu awaits the castaways arriving on the beach*

Mama Zu - Welcome, castaways, to the Mamanuca Islands, a new and exciting location that Survivor has NEVER been before!

Everyone - Woohoo!

Mama Zu - Docia, what are your first impressions of your tribe?

Docia - They all seem like awesome people.  I'm getting great vibes from everyone.  I have a good feeling about us.

Fred - Uh, I have a question.  Where's Jeff Probst?

Mama Zu - Jeff retired this season.  I am the new hostess.

Fred CF - Na' when I signed up fer Survivor, I was expectin' to see Jeff Probst, not this hooker.

Fred - I was fine with the Jew on ma' team.  I was fine with the black, and the gypsy.  But a woman hostin' Survivor?  I didn't fight fer this country to have to pretend you lesser people are my comrades in any way, shape, or form.

Docia - C'mon, man, that's just not right...

Fred - I'll tell ya what ain't right.  All this panderin' liberal CNN bull malarkey.  I won't partake in it.  I quit!

*Fred hitches onto the boat and drives off.*

Mama Zu:  Only minutes into the game and the Mamaze tribe is already down a member.  Not looking good for you guys!

Sara:  We didn't need that old fart anyway.  He only would've dragged us down.  We can't be beaten now!

Mama Zu:  We'll see about that.  Here are the maps to your camps.  *tosses a map to both tribes*

*the tribes arrive at their respective tribe locales*

AT MAMAZE:

*Kelsi is crying, her face in her hands*

Docia:  Are you okay, Kelsi?  What's the matter?

Kelsi:  N-nothing...

Docia:  Is it because that guy quit?  Don't fret over him, gal.  He would've been toxic for our tribe.

Kelsi CF:  I have a really sensitive nose.  That's why I make a great wine taster, because to me aromas can be very distinct and profound.  And this chick Docia REEKS.  On the way to camp, every chafe of her arms hit me like an 18-wheeler.  She smells like she just spent 39 days in Fiji already and zipped right back around on our boat to do an encore season.

Docia:  Shh, it'll be okay.  I'm a cryer, too.  You just have to let it all out.

*Docia puts her arm around Kelsi.  Kelsi pukes.*

Kelsi:  Great.  Day 1 and I'm already on an empty stomach.

*Kelsi cries even more.*

Neil:  I thought I recognized that sob!

Kelsi:  Oh my God...Neil?  My ex-therapist?

Neil:  Yeah, it's me!  Hey, me and Kelsi know each other in real life!

Kelsi CF:  I hate this tribe.

AT MAMAZA:

*montage of Aston bossing everyone around*

Aston CF:  I've basically taken the reigns and directed the construction of the hut we're building.  But Chris, who is our strongest guy and volunteered to find and bring bamboo chutes for the hut is NOWHERE to be found.

*cut to Chris creeping through the woods away from camp*

Chris:  I volunteered to get the bamboo for our hut so I could go idol hunting.  Must find an idol and make big plays!

*Chris waddles back to camp empty-handed*

Aston:  Where the [BLEEP] is the bamboo you're supposed to bring?

Chris CF:  I haven't found the idol yet and I'm losing my tribe's patience.  I need to buy more time.

Chris:  I found some bamboo, but...

Aston:  But what?

Chris:  But then I thought, should we really be using bamboo?

Aston:  It's the sturdiest [BLEEP]ing material on this island. 

Chris:  Yeah, but taking all the bamboo could devastate the ebb and flow of the Mamanucan ecosystem.  Maybe we should use the natural forest canopy as our shelter.  We can make beds out of beach sand!

Aston: ...Chris, go find the [BLEEP]ing bamboo before we use your limbs to build this hut.

Chris CF:  So I decided I just had to put my idol hunt on hiatus.  While having one would be great, it wouldn't mean much if I had to use it right away for being a non-entity on the tribe.  But as I was uprooting some bamboo chutes, I found one that was slightly heavier than the others...

*Chris blows into a bamboo chute and a hidden immunity idol plops out.*

Chris CF:  *holding up the idol* That's right, baby!  Now I can swoop back to camp with an armful of bamboo and an idol in my pocket.  Suck on that, ASS-ton!

AT THE IMMUNITY CHALLENGE:

Mama Zu:  Welcome all to your first immunity challenge!  First things first, Mamaza, you will need to sit someone out.

*indistinct chatter among the Mamaza tribe*

Ladonna:  I will sit out.

Mama Zu:  Okay, now onto the challenge.  You will all be entangled in rope and blindfolded.  The first tribe to untangle themselves while remaining blindfolded will win immunity!  Okay on your mark get set go!

*Mamaze tribe accidentally starts choking each other with their rope.  Mamaza tribe simply leans sideways and the ropes slide off with ease.*

Mama Zu:  Mamaza wins immunity!  Mamaze, I'll see you at tribal for your SECOND elimination of the episode.

AT MAMAZE:

*Kelsi approaches Neil, who is sitting alone on the beach*

Kelsi:  You basically revealed to everyone we know each other, so I think we have no choice but to work with one another.

Neil:  I agree.  Who do you think we should vote?

Kelsi:  Docia smells really bad.  She might be better at the challenges, but I can't even be within a few feet of her without choking.  It's gonna be hard sitting near her at tribal, but I'll stomach it if tonight will be the last time I have to smell her.

Neil:  And how do you FEEL about that?

Kelsi:  Are...are you trying to shrink me?  Christ, I can't talk game without this turning into one of your sessions.

*Kelsi storms off.*

Meanwhile, at the Mamaze tribe hut...

*Sara, Colin, and Docia plot to form an alliance*

Sara: Okay, so basically how this works is you will both do as I say with no questions asked.

Docia:  Aye-aye!

Colin:  Heh, you're a feisty one, Sara!  You remind me of one of my daughters.

Sara CF:  If he compares me to his daughter again I will drown myself in the Pacific.

Docia CF:  I like this new alliance between Colin, Sara, and I.  I'm getting really great vibrations off of them.

Colin:  So, who shall we vote?

Sara:  Well, I think we-

*watching from a distance, Edmée waves her hand and the hut crumbles on top of them*

Edmée:  We lost one immunity challenge and this group is already runnin' around like worker ants tryna figure out what queen ant Sara wants.  Can't blame the girl, she's got the right idea about all this.  I needa find allies of my own.  I'm not slick with the mouth like her, though.  But I do have...other methods.

*cut to Edmée mumbling over a boiling pot of seawater, tree bark, and toe nails.  She approaches Julius with a cup of her brew*

Edmée:  Hey there, Julius--Julius, ain't it?--you thirsty?

Julius:  Yeah, really thirsty.

Edmée:  Here, have a sip...

*Julius drinks and spits it out*

Julius:  H E double hockeysticks, that tastes like pee!

Edmée:  Don't spit it out!  You need to drink every drop or I can't control your mind.

*Julius knocks the cup onto the ground and flees the scene.  Edmée looks into the camera and shrugs*

AT TRIBAL:

Mama Zu:  Welcome to Tribal Council.  Everyone, dip your torch into the fire.  Fire represents your life in this game, and once it is out, so are you.

*everyone dips their torch*

Mama Zu:  Alright.  Docia, earlier I asked you how you felt about your tribe, and you said you had a good feeling.  Has that changed in the past three days?

Docia:  No, I still really like my tribe.  I think everyone here is great.  Awesome people.  It sucks one of us has to go.

Mama Zu:  Kelsi, what do you think the basis of the vote is tonight?

Kelsi:  I don't know how anyone else is voting.  I guess maybe I should be worried.  I'm just gonna vote however I want and hope other people share my judgments about this individual.

*camera pans to Docia, whose eyes are fixed to a flying roach hovering over her head*

Mama Zu:  Alright, without any further ado, it's time to vote.

*montage of people getting up and voting*

Mama Zu:  Alright, I have the votes.   Luckily for all of you... this is a non-elimination episode.

*Mamaze tribe gasps in unison*

Mama Zu:  CBS ordered 14 episodes of this season, and with Fred quitting, a second elimination would throw our schedule off.  Though this was just a mock tribal and I wasn't even planning on counting the votes, I couldn't help but peep and see who would've gone home.  And it turns out that all of you got one vote a piece.

*Mamaze tribe gasps with even greater oomph*

Mama Zu:  Yeah, I don't even know what I'm supposed to do in a situation like that.  Have a firemaking challenge?  Draw rocks?  Just send all of you home?  If the immunity challenge wasn't indication enough, this tribe is a hot mess.  Hopefully you bunch take the next few days to work out the kinks in this tribe and maybe come to a unified decision when you inevitably come to tribal again.  Grab your torches and head out.

FIN.

If you read all the way through, please lmk your thoughts on the episode!  Who is your fave?  Who is your anti-fave?  Who is your winner pick?  Who is getting the boot next?

Comments

Tag me
Sent by Yandereboy12,May 27, 2019
Kelsi top support
Sent by mahogany,May 27, 2019
tag me
Sent by Jameslu,May 27, 2019
Tag me
Sent by Kaseyhope101,May 27, 2019

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